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Hallucination, self harm, IOP (TW-self harm)

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Posted December 15th 2021 at 10:01 PM by Ennui.

I hallucinated a tarantula yesterday. I saw it crawling on my ceiling and then down my wall. I also hear my phone ringing all the time when it's not, to the point I stop and listen for it.

Work has been a very big source of my anxiety lately. I've been having to take Ativan to go to work and it's not actually doing a lot to help with the anxiety. I'm making stupid mistakes and it's just not a good time for me.

I have self-harmed again as well. I want to do it again soon.

I also decided to start an intensive outpatient program in the new year. My clinician said it lasts 4-6 weeks and I'll be able to see my prescriber in that time but not my therapist due to insurance coverage. It's five days a week for three hours per day and then goes down to three days per week. I'm scared because after IOP I'll have to go to work every day and that seems overwhelming, but I need this for my health.

Idk, I'm scared.
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