Get Advice Quick Ask Support Forums Today's Posts Chat Room

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Chat and Live Help Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Safety Zone

You are not registered or have not logged in
Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!) As a guest you can submit help requests, create and reply to Forum posts, join our Chat Room and read our range of articles & resources. By registering you will be able to get fully involved in our community and enjoy features such as connect with members worldwide, add friends & send messages, express yourself through a Blog, find others with similar interests in Social Groups, post pictures and links, set up a profile and more! Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!

Rate this Entry

Everything is going to hell. TW: Suicide, self harm, pet illness/death

Submit "Everything is going to hell. TW: Suicide, self harm, pet illness/death" to Digg Submit "Everything is going to hell. TW: Suicide, self harm, pet illness/death" to del.icio.us Submit "Everything is going to hell. TW: Suicide, self harm, pet illness/death" to StumbleUpon Submit "Everything is going to hell. TW: Suicide, self harm, pet illness/death" to Google
Posted February 17th 2023 at 04:45 AM by Ennui.
Updated February 20th 2023 at 01:53 AM by Ennui.

I've been in a spiral lately and it just won't stop.

I might lose my insurance by March 31st. I am on Medicaid but due to my income level and the Covid relief money being taken away, I will lose it. I don't really have money to pay for my own insurance though so I don't know how I am going to be able to continue to get healthcare, do therapy, see my medication prescriber, and get all my medications. It makes me feel hopeless.

I am also losing my job on June 30, which makes me worry about money even more. I don't know how I'm going to pay rent on top of the healthcare things, or how long it is going to take me to find a new job. To collect unemployment I have to apply to at least three jobs a week and I don't think I'm allowed to turn down an offer, so I m ay just have to take what I can get. I don't know how I'm going to handle a job. I don't have any marketable skills. I might have to take two part-time jobs and figure that out. But I don't even know how to use a fax machine or fix a copier so I don't know how to be a receptionist, and I'm bad with money so I probably would suck at cashiering too.

My APRN wants me to start applying to three jobs a week but my therapist thinks it's too early to start applying for jobs because I wouldn't be taking a job until after June. They wouldn't wait around for me for that long.

On top of that, French Toast is sick. Like, really sick. She keeps bleeding from either her urinary tract or vagina but none of the tests show anything. The X-Ray showed no bladder stones or ovarian cysts. I am going to pay for an abdominal ultrasound with money I don't have to see if they can find anything. I can't afford the CT scan. She also has a mildly enlarged heart, fluid infiltrates in her lungs, and inflammation in the bullae of the brain. I'll have to take her to the vet every 3 months to be followed and I don't know how I'll pay for that either. Right now she has no symptoms besides the bleeding but I am afraid I'll have to make the decision to put her to sleep sooner rather than later. And then Pancake will be alone. I'll have to get a new guinea pig because she is still so young and would get depressed without a friend. If she was old I'd consider not getting another guinea pig and just give her more attention. But she's too young and it's not fair to leave her alone for all of that time. I should never have gotten pets to begin with because I should have known I wouldn't be able to mentally handle their health issues and death, and that I wouldn't be able to physically afford it either.

I'm also supposed to be going to Texas at the end of March and due to everything that has happened to me, I don't know if it is such a good idea. I don't know if I can actually afford to go and spend more money. I don't know if it's worth it, but I already bought the plane ticket months ago before everything happened.

I'm feeling heavily suicidal. The main things stopping me from attempting is the fact that I have to get French Toast to the vet for her ultrasound next Friday and because I don't have that many clean clothes to bring to the hospital with me. I'm sure my dad could do my laundry for me and ring me some clothes, there's always a workaround. I should do it before I lose my insurance, because you know a hospital stay would be expensive without any or with copays and deductibles and all that on regular insurance. I just don't want to deal with this anymore and would rather be dead. I can't cope with life's day to day stressors even though I need to get the fuck over it and learn how to be an adult. Other people do this every day but I'm not coping.

I've started self harming again. It's nothing major but it's back. I'm just a disappointment all around I guess.

Make it stop.
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 285 Comments 1 Email Blog Entry
« Prev     Main     Next »

Total Comments 1


  1. Old Comment
    Arabesque- golfing girl.'s Avatar
    I'm sorry about all of this Dez and I hope that you will be okay soon. Would you be able to try talking with someone to see if they would be able to try to help you get some kind of insurance? Maybe someone can find a way for you to have this.

    I hope that the perfect job comes your way and you love this job and they love the work that you do because you always do a wonderful job at everything that you do. I'm really sorry about French Toast and I hope that she will be okay soon, I'll think good things for her and for you. Sending you lots of I hope you will be okay soon.
    Posted February 20th 2023 at 10:13 AM by Arabesque- golfing girl. Arabesque- golfing girl. is offline
User Infomation
Your Avatar

Latest Articles & News

Members: 97,471
Threads: 161,493
Posts: 1,386,956
Total Online: 303

Newest Member: javorasask


All material copyright ©1998-2023, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints | Mobile

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2023, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.