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Uncategorized Entries with no category
Old

Just thoughts. (triggering)

Posted March 6th 2013 at 12:56 PM by Hypothesis. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

Warning ahead of time: I do not mean to insult smokers here.

I find the fact my mom's trying to take away cutting but yet I'm still secretly doing it funny, in a way.

Both of us are liars. Both my mom and I are liars.

I think her lies are worse.

She smokes. After my dad got cancer in 4th grade she said she would be completely honest with me and that they'd quit. I don't know if my dad fully quit or not and honestly I'm not angry with him...
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Views 65 Comments 4 Hypothesis. is offline
Old

Telling wasn't worth it. (Triggering)

Posted March 6th 2013 at 12:46 AM by Hypothesis. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)
Updated May 24th 2013 at 03:31 AM by Hypothesis.

I told my mom today about the suicidal thoughts and the self harm. She thinks it's all because of the fact that I'm unsure if I want to be a doctor or not and that it's okay if I don't want to be a doctor, and hell, I can be a garbageman if that's what I want. But I don't know what I want. She brushed off the fact that I told her in the letter that I don't want to live past eighteen as just thoughts. Didn't really take it seriously. But at least now I can tell J that.

She saw a cut...
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Views 76 Comments 3 Hypothesis. is offline
Old

Just... (Triggering)

Posted March 2nd 2013 at 04:55 AM by Hypothesis. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

I don't know anymore.

I go from so motivated to tell my parents everything and even going so far as to type a letter and have HelpLINK review it for me to tell me how it sounds to completely chickening out and not being able to give it to them. Sorry for wasting your time.

I don't see myself in the future anymore. I don't see myself doing my dream job because it'll be too hard and I'll fail. College seems stressful. I don't see myself getting married or having kids....
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Posted in Uncategorized
Views 86 Comments 5 Hypothesis. is offline
Old

Telling. (triggering)

Posted February 18th 2013 at 01:04 AM by Hypothesis. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)
Updated February 18th 2013 at 01:13 AM by Hypothesis.

I'll be posting in HL about this in a few months. But I needed to ramble out my thoughts in the meantime.

The suicidal thoughts won't go away. I've been thinking about it most days. Even when I'm happy the thoughts are still there. About overdosing. I have the day set and everything. The time, I'm a bit more flexible with but I do have the day. I still have pills from when I was storing them before. I haven't been sick or had many in my disposal to add more, but I can't say that I never...
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Posted in Uncategorized
Views 81 Comments 2 Hypothesis. is offline
Old

I'm not okay... (triggering)

Posted February 4th 2013 at 04:43 AM by Hypothesis. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)
Updated February 4th 2013 at 05:18 AM by Hypothesis.

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay

Get the picture? I'm not okay.

And I don't know why.

Last night I had to call Live Help because I wanted to cut and even though I was outwardly, and maybe inwardly calm, my brain was telling me to take the pills.

Today I got that weird chest feeling again and cut a lot and I can't calm down and I want to cut some more and I was supposed to be asleep...
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Views 93 Comments 2 Hypothesis. is offline
Old

Christmas Eve and Christmas... (Triggering)

Posted December 26th 2012 at 04:58 AM by Hypothesis. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)
Updated December 26th 2012 at 05:03 AM by Hypothesis.

I'll start with Christmas first. It was cool, any other day. I got the clothes I wanted, a lava lamp, season 1 of Law & Order: SVU, Sims, and books. So basically besides family time I was reading Tilt by Ellen Hopkins (Finished it!) and playing Sims all day. It was awesome. And my sister liked the gift I got her. We even got gifts for my niece even though technically she's not here yet. Expect another blog entry when she arrives, and maybe a forum post.

But Christmas Eve? Yesterday...
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Posted in Uncategorized
Views 68 Comments 1 Hypothesis. is offline
Old

I'm losing control.

Posted December 21st 2012 at 01:11 AM by Hypothesis. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)
Updated December 21st 2012 at 02:45 AM by Hypothesis.

I get frustrated so easy right now and it's really embarrassing.

First time was like three days ago or something like that. I was in my computer class and we had to troubleshoot our computers, I got frustrated after two seconds and was nearly in tears. I was so done. and Mr. M. noticed and talked to me about it, apologizing and saying how it'd be okay. I knew it would be okay. :/ I was just frustrated.

And today I had to take my art project back to my computer class to...
Hypothesis.'s Avatar
Not significant.
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 93 Comments 2 Hypothesis. is offline
Old

Oh drama. (Triggering)

Posted December 13th 2012 at 01:34 AM by Hypothesis. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

So, everyone thinks that me and my friend, M, should date. Neither of us agree and feel our shop is too sibling-like for us to ever work out. However, with all the pressure coming from outside sources, I think he is mad at me. He wasn't really talking to me today after outclass and my friend said she thinks he's mad at me.

I can't lose him as a friend. I just can't. I started crying for a while earlier at the thought. I don't want him mad at me or upset with me or thinking different...
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Posted in Uncategorized
Views 101 Comments 2 Hypothesis. is offline
Old

I saw the counsellor today... (may be triggering?)

Posted December 5th 2012 at 10:10 PM by Hypothesis. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)
Updated December 6th 2012 at 03:22 AM by Hypothesis.

I saw C for the first time today. She's the lady that will be my counsellor until January, and then another woman named J is taking over. It kinda sucks that C will only be there until January, because she seems really nice. The only thing I didn't like was the fact that she used the term "self-mutilation" once. I hate that word.

But as I said, she seemed really nice and she is the type of woman to ask questions. I trust her, I really do, but I don't know how much I'll be...
Hypothesis.'s Avatar
Not significant.
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 64 Comments 2 Hypothesis. is offline
Old

Breakdown. (Triggering)

Posted November 19th 2012 at 10:45 AM by Hypothesis. (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

I had a mental breakdown last night.

I cut myself a little bit and really wanted to do it a lot more. I wanted to see the blood and do what I had to to release the anxiety and that heavy feeling on my heart. I only did a little bit but knew I had to refrain before I got myself into trouble with my parents.

So what do I do? I call a hotline. The self harm hotline was closed so I called the suicide hotline because well, I was in danger of cutting too much or too deep...
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Posted in Uncategorized
Views 92 Comments 4 Hypothesis. is offline


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