I'd love to know who I am (STRONG LANGUAGE?)

I know I'm only fifteen. I know that I have quite some time left to figure this stuff out. I know that labels are just made by society and things change, that you don't always fit into one label. I was talking to someone on here tonight and he really helped me with that and I really appreciate that. This person hopefully knows who I am talking about, and if he stumbles across this, thank you so much.
I really would love to know who the fuck I am, though. A lot of the time I think that I am a piece of shit person with zero confidence who will end up fucking up everything she does in life. Not very confident from someone who wants to be a doctor. I don't even know if I want that anymore. I don't know WHAT I want anymore, but everyone seems so proud that I want to be an infectious disease doctor and maybe I still do. I don't know anymore.
I used to be so motivated to do work but now I'm procrastinating horribly and don't get anything done until last minute, then flip out when I get a B on it and it drops my grade way down.
But that's not what's bothering me right now.
I've identified as bisexual since the sixth grade. I've even told a lot of my closer friends. But I'm not so sure anymore, I'm really not.
I've had those crushes on guys. But now that I think about it, I don't know if I'd want to date them. Be intimate with them. Have sex with them. Anything from the waist down is just gross. Body hair disgusts me. I get over crushes on guys so fast.
Women. I am still a virgin but that doesn't mean I've come across my fair share of nude pics or lesbian scenes. I like that. It actually turns me on. I've thought a lot about my childhood now and I realize that I haven't just noticed the attraction to women since middle school. I prefer being around women more, I really do. I notice them more and actually, I've noticed myself noticing their breasts since I was little. When I was a kid I was obsessed with Wonder Woman. Then I discovered the show House and got obsessed with Cameron (and Chase, at the same time, oh his hair!) my first two celebrity crushes. I think I could really see myself with a woman more than I ever could with a guy.
I try to imagine myself married to some guy with kids of my own and I just can't do it. I mean, I do want kids, maybe, but I can't ever imagine myself as a good girlfriend, let alone a wife, or having SEX with a guy to GET said children. Which is why a lot of the time I've been thinking about adopting kids in the future.
I really don't know about myself anymore now and I just want to know who the fuck I am. I've been thinking about it any time someone mentions sexuality and a discussion starts about it. Today it got pretty bad and I just felt like crying and had that pain in my heart. I was actually triggered to self harm over it, but somehow I managed not to.
I just really want to know what I'll lean towards most of the time. Bisexual with a preference towards females? Lesbian? Even thinking about it now is starting to make it hurt again.
I really need someone to draw me a butterfly right now but nobody here knows what it means and if my mother finds out I want to SH I'll be put away. I can't believe I'm saying this but I can't wait to get back to school. My guidance counselor just so happens to run our Gay-Straight-Alliance. She'd know how to help me some, or at least give me constructive advice, right? =/
I really don't know what to do right now. XP