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Off my meds. (Trig?)
Posted November 7th 2017 at 04:19 AM by Ennui.
I am off my meds totally now after weaning off and the depression has already hit. I'm angry, sad, miserable. I have been having self harm urges but since it's been almost two and a half years I never have my tools on me anymore. I'm starting to think about taking them again.
I give up on learning how to drive. I accidentally hit the gas instead of the brake. We were in reverse so we reversed fast and almost went up and over a curb. I'll never get my license which means I'll never get my ideal career so I might as well be dead.
After that happened I went back to the dorm and got a lecture about how I'm using too much of the freezer. tbh I'm probably just going to throw out some stuff that I know I'm probably not going to eat (I brought it mainly to share and nobody else seems to want it) and take home the rest and just not bother with having many lunch or dinner options. It looks like my roommate also took one of my meals out of the box to save room which would have been fine if she'd saved the instructions.
Everything is frustrating me. My roommate never picks up the trash bag in our bathroom trash can when it falls down and so all her trash is piled on top of it. And of course it's feminine hygiene products not empty shampoo bottles so I'm not fixing it. That's my trash can though so I guess I have to sanitize it.
I have group projects and they're pissing me off because nobody does them as quickly as I do so I'm freaking out as the deadlines approach.
I also am graduating in December and have no laid out path for my life so that's always great. I also have no way to get to any sort of path and nothing tangible lined up. Time to become a blob, woo.
I give up on learning how to drive. I accidentally hit the gas instead of the brake. We were in reverse so we reversed fast and almost went up and over a curb. I'll never get my license which means I'll never get my ideal career so I might as well be dead.
After that happened I went back to the dorm and got a lecture about how I'm using too much of the freezer. tbh I'm probably just going to throw out some stuff that I know I'm probably not going to eat (I brought it mainly to share and nobody else seems to want it) and take home the rest and just not bother with having many lunch or dinner options. It looks like my roommate also took one of my meals out of the box to save room which would have been fine if she'd saved the instructions.
Everything is frustrating me. My roommate never picks up the trash bag in our bathroom trash can when it falls down and so all her trash is piled on top of it. And of course it's feminine hygiene products not empty shampoo bottles so I'm not fixing it. That's my trash can though so I guess I have to sanitize it.
I have group projects and they're pissing me off because nobody does them as quickly as I do so I'm freaking out as the deadlines approach.
I also am graduating in December and have no laid out path for my life so that's always great. I also have no way to get to any sort of path and nothing tangible lined up. Time to become a blob, woo.
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Comments
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I feel for you, Dez. How frustrating and overwhelming. I may not have advice on particular things but I can assure you that you're so much more than a blob <3
It was so nice of you to buy food with the intention of dharing. Sometimes when I don't want to throw away good food, I will give it away to homeless people on the street. That might be time consuming though and perhaps uncomfortable and might not be doable (there's tons of homeless people here and NYC is very walkable so idk how it is in a city where people rely on cars.)
The other option can be to bring it back home.
You're not a failure, Dez. I Know This Sounds super cheesy but life really isn't linear. Driving also sounds super hard and I'm a few years older than you. It may not be right now but you're going to get there eventually and it is going to feel amazing when you do get your lisence because it wasn't only about learning to drive but also the power of persisting through something
Also remember, though it may seem counterintuitive, it's okay if you need a break from learning to drive at some point. You might feel more refreshed, so that's something to consider.
Lots of people don't have things lined up or know where they're going after graduating. Yoh still have time to think about it. Try to think in terms of the overall career path. It might not be directly related. For example, this is super random so please bear with me but let's say you find a volunteer opportunity at a senior center. Your major is public health though. That's not totally off thoigh. It might end up being really useful.
Hang in there <3Posted November 7th 2017 at 10:38 PM by NeuroBeautiful
