I can finally see the light.

This was a tough semester. I struggled a lot more than I thought I would. Between classes, stress, being sick literally almost the entire semester, having a self harm relapse, and crying in one of my favorite professor's office a few times, I was ready to give up on everything.

But, this semester is almost over. Two of my classes are completely done with and I have As in both of those. I'm getting a B in one class and while that's tough for me, I'm slowly accepting it.

One of my professors is truly a godsend. Like, I wish she was my other mom. I've told her so many things that I'd be scared to tell other people and she is just so willing to listen. She's even legit made mac n cheese for me before?? Like she's just so pure and lovely.

I'm working on getting my medication sorted. I just got upped to the dose I was at before I went off before. So, I'm hopeful that this will start to help me soon. There's a depression scale that she wants me to complete every month when I come in, and I guess the goal is to get below a score of 5. I was at a 14 this time, which is better than I was, but nowhere near a 5. Like, good luck? I also found out gained weight because I've been too sick to go to the gym. :/

I also visited D on Thursday. D is one of the counselors at the Disability Resource Center. I was visiting because I knew her from other activites and had gotten close with her, and she had been out on medical leave. I got her up to speed on how my semester was going, and she was able to give me disability accommodations! I now have 50% extended test time and can take my tests in the DRC testing room. This is such a relief. As some of you may know, I tried to get accommodations a few years back with a different disability counselor who basically looked at me and asked how he could help me. So, this is a step in the right direction. I'm a little nervous to give the accommodation forms to my professor next semester but I know it will go okay and I know this will be a big help. I will also be meeting with a disability counselor there regularly. D may need more medical treatment so she's not taking on new people right now, but she's going to help set me up with A, someone I already know and trust. She said if I want I can switch back to her once she knows for sure how her medical issues are going to go, or I can stay with A. This is good because if I need to adjust my accommodations or anything once I see how next semester is, A can help me do that. Plus it's just good to have someone to talk to.

D also walked with me to the counseling center on campus. I was scared to do that because I'd visited so much as an undergrad, I thought I'd reached the "limit." But, I was able to get started on therapy again and have an intake appointment on Tuesday with the same therapist I had last time!

So, maybe things are looking up, at least for now.