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I'm not okay... (triggering)

Posted February 4th 2013 at 04:43 AM by Ennui.
Updated February 4th 2013 at 05:18 AM by Ennui.

Tags anxiety, emotions, sadness, scared, self harm, suicide

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I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay

Get the picture? I'm not okay.

And I don't know why.

Last night I had to call Live Help because I wanted to cut and even though I was outwardly, and maybe inwardly calm, my brain was telling me to take the pills.

Today I got that weird chest feeling again and cut a lot and I can't calm down and I want to cut some more and I was supposed to be asleep already and tomorrow's gonna be hell because I'm going to be out and busy and school and ugh. And I want to cut some more and I need to talk to someone but nobody's awake and Live Help isn't up and I just want to sleep. I'm not okay and I don't know why but I need to stop feeling this way. I'm scared. I don't like this. And it's almost one in the morning now and it's a school night. I'll be out all day and I have nobody to talk to.

And I can't face this week. I have so much to do and so little motivation and am so overwhelmed and can't do this, I can't do this.

Maybe I should've just taken the pills last night.

I have that chest feeling and feel shaky and nauseous and have been on and off dizzy what is this.

I can't do this, I really can't.

EDIT: Called a hotline.
Why?
THEY NEVER HELP.
I CAN'T DO THIS.
CRYING NOW.
SHAKING.
CAN'T. DO. THIS.
They never work.

Posted in Uncategorized

Views 555 Comments 2

Comments

1. 	Hey Littlemaid. I'm sorry things are so tough. You don't deserve this at all, and I wish I had some magic words to fix it. I don't, but what I do have is a lot of love and respect for you, so you're welcome to come to me if you ever need to, for whatever reason. Remember that I live in Aussieland, so I'm awake when no one in your timezone is likely to be. Stay strong, okay? You can do this. <3
   	Posted February 4th 2013 at 08:51 AM by Storyteller.

2. 	Hey there Dezi :hug: I'm sorry I wasn't there for you last night. I feel bad I went to bed so early, You know you can come to me anytime, even if I'm not actually awake at the time..leave me a pm, fb message or text. Don't worry about what you say in it. Also remember all those funny random things we talk about that make you giggle. :) Stay strong and I know you'll get through this! :hug:
   	Posted February 4th 2013 at 02:01 PM by Thereishope

Ennui.

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