Blog number 100 (Trig?)

My friend and I were talking yesterday. She and I both go to the same counselling center at my school and they're dropping her and referring her somewhere else because the counselling center is for short-term stuff and I guess she's too long-term and I know that eventually they'll do that to me too, and I'm scared. I CAN'T be referred somewhere else, I really can't. One, transportation is a thing, but insurance also is as well. Even on insurance I am forced to pay a hefty percent of the bill which I obviously can't do. Counselling at school is so much easier. It's free, I don't have to travel, and my parents don't have to find out.

I wonder if they'd still let me go to the counselling center for my meds whenever they end up dropping me. I mean, that's just a brief meeting with the APRN and then I am on my merry way. That shouldn't be a burden to them right? If not I'll see if my doctor will cover it.

My APRN was considering changing my meds last time we met and this time she thinks I'm doing fine on them? I don't get it, I really don't. I was super sick when I saw her though so I didn't really want to talk about anything though. I just needed sleep.

I've been really high strung lately and it sucks though. I've had a lot of days where what I feel like depression bugs me but right now I'm so high strung from my essay and now my anxiety is bothering me, and lately I've been having a lot of nervous thoughts again so that sucks.

I'm scared of failing two of my classes right now.

Motivation has been coming and going in waves lately.

I want to get high again. It's a nice feeling. I last got high a week ago tomorrow. I also gave my friend money to buy us shit to smoke so hopefully soon.

I want to cut again too. That urge its what is bugging me right now.

Too much going on. Too much.

Don't know what to say. Just in a weird spot.