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I don't know how much more of this I can take... =/ (TRIG SH)
Posted January 11th 2012 at 11:55 PM by Ennui.
I try coming out to my mom today. Know what she says? Pretty much stuff along the lines of: "Who's a lesbian making you want to be one? You want to be everything you read. Start thinking with your own mind for once, if you think you're a lesbian you really do have problems."
I KNEW she was going to say that, I just KNEW that. Everything is a game to her, my self harm, suicidal thoughts. You know what? I don't fucking KNOW why I feel so bad all the time, I really DON'T. And by all the time, I don't mean "every once in a while." This past week especially, I've noticed it more, I can't tell if it's this sad or scared feeling, and it really HURTS. I don't know what's causing it and I want it to stop and she won't HELP me.
My first therapy appointment was today too. She's a mandatory reporter, of course, so I really can't tell her when I relapse with my self harm. I can't have her tell my parents who will scream at me, take my phone and computer, and send me to inpatient rehab. I really CAN'T do that. I think I'd rather kill myself. Not that my parents would see it coming because just because I have no REASON to feel sad, doesn't mean I DO. I know I have no reason to feel bad all the time, it's just something with my brain that's making it happen, and I really want someone to tell me what's wrong with me. My therapist suggested I see one of their doctors about it, but I don't think my mom'll go along with that. Oh well, she'll talk to her about it and then I'll get bitched at when I get home. I know how it goes.
I felt as if I was making so much progress and now I've hit a wall. I'm regressing, if anything.
I KNEW she was going to say that, I just KNEW that. Everything is a game to her, my self harm, suicidal thoughts. You know what? I don't fucking KNOW why I feel so bad all the time, I really DON'T. And by all the time, I don't mean "every once in a while." This past week especially, I've noticed it more, I can't tell if it's this sad or scared feeling, and it really HURTS. I don't know what's causing it and I want it to stop and she won't HELP me.
My first therapy appointment was today too. She's a mandatory reporter, of course, so I really can't tell her when I relapse with my self harm. I can't have her tell my parents who will scream at me, take my phone and computer, and send me to inpatient rehab. I really CAN'T do that. I think I'd rather kill myself. Not that my parents would see it coming because just because I have no REASON to feel sad, doesn't mean I DO. I know I have no reason to feel bad all the time, it's just something with my brain that's making it happen, and I really want someone to tell me what's wrong with me. My therapist suggested I see one of their doctors about it, but I don't think my mom'll go along with that. Oh well, she'll talk to her about it and then I'll get bitched at when I get home. I know how it goes.
I felt as if I was making so much progress and now I've hit a wall. I'm regressing, if anything.
Total Comments 2
Comments
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Give her time. She's just making excuses. I'm so sorry to hear things aren't going too well for you and that coming out was difficult. <3Posted January 12th 2012 at 12:22 AM by Lottie
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Hey hun,
Sorry to hear that your mom didn't take you coming out to well. Also sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time finding the help/support you need. I know it can be difficult. There's plenty of people on here, as you know, that care...including myself. You can always come to me if you ever need to talk, vent. You know how to get a hold of me, don't ever hesitate, plz. I am and always will be here to help you. <3 Posted January 12th 2012 at 01:35 AM by ilovecountrymusic
