Rest in peace (grieving trig)

So, I found out today that my teacher, Mr. W, passed away on the tenth. My friend heard a rumor so then I asked my teacher and she confirmed it... Apparently the school didn't even notify her and she was Mr. W's co-teacher for YEARS. And they didn't even have the courtesy to tell her? It's no fair. She didn't even know any of the wake and funeral information.

My dad found his obituary. His funeral is on Monday. My sister who also had him as a teacher is taking me there. It's quite a drive from here. I know when I talked to Mr. W he said it was about 45 minutes from his house to the school. So about that long with my sister.

It's nor fair. He has two young sons. One is going into high school and one is younger than that. Why do the good guys always have to be the ones to die? The ones that treat their kids and/or students well and are so supportive of everyone and don't do ANYTHING wrong? Why is it never the murderers or child abusers?

We got the message out to the rest of our class though, and my sister got it to her class, I told one of the students from the graduating class to tell their class.

He encouraged us. He knew we could succeed. I worked so hard in Skills USA for him. I got 10th place out of 16 sophomore year and he was happy with THAT, and then I got the 5th place medal last year and emailed him a picture and he was so proud of me. He talked Microsoft Access with me and tried to help me to the best of his ability and was so encouraging. We kept him updated on things like prom and I told him about my sister having a baby. He was hard on the outside but inside he was a big teddy bear.

He was a stickler for the rules in such a way that it was funny. No rolling more that 3 feet in our chairs (which we did anyway, then I almost fell one day and was like "This is why Mr. W has this rule) and of course he'd hear you if you playfully hit someone. I'd see a teacher letting a student do something "dangerous" in a class and be like "Mr. W would have a heart attack."

After Christmas we're getting a new classroom. We'll lose the "W Cave" in the back of what was his classroom where he kept all these ancient books. I got mad when the new teacher threw out a lot of them this year even though they were outdated. But the "W Cave" was still there, I loved hiding in it during lockdown drills. And we'll be getting all new computers. I have the last computer with a Mr. W account on it and we'll be losing it. All our memories will be gone.

I don't go back to that class until sometime in September, I won't have it for the first like 8 days of school. It'll be so sad to go back there.

He had pancreatic cancer, so at least he's out of pain. <3

My dad told me not to do anything stupid like cut myself over this. Pissed me off. I know he was trying to help but I'd never cut over this. It would hurt Mr. W.

I'm not gonna go inpatient. This made me not want to. I'll heal on my own.