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I'll never feel great mentally.
My prescriber and I were having a conversation the other day.
She said something that's staying with me. She doesn't think there will be a time where I'll meet with her and say "I feel great!" I tend to get overwhelmed with emotions, any type of emotion, and go off the deep end quickly. We decided we are satisfied when I feel numb. Numb isn't impulsive. Numb isn't too depressed to function or doing something stupid while hypomanic.
But her not thinking that there will ever be a time I meet with her and tell her I feel great sticks with me.
Because she's right.
I'm destined to be this way forever. And is this really a life worth living?
She also asked if I ever actually remember a time when I felt great, and I couldn't.
It wasn't all negative. She agreed I am making progress and am doing things I wouldn't have thought I would've done when I started seeing her. I'm VOLUNTARILY practicing driving and made an appointment for the test, although I have to reschedule due to surgery. I graduated. I have a part-time job. Once I get my driver's license I'll look for other work.
So I'm doing the thing. But why bother if I'll never actually feel happy?
She said something that's staying with me. She doesn't think there will be a time where I'll meet with her and say "I feel great!" I tend to get overwhelmed with emotions, any type of emotion, and go off the deep end quickly. We decided we are satisfied when I feel numb. Numb isn't impulsive. Numb isn't too depressed to function or doing something stupid while hypomanic.
But her not thinking that there will ever be a time I meet with her and tell her I feel great sticks with me.
Because she's right.
I'm destined to be this way forever. And is this really a life worth living?
She also asked if I ever actually remember a time when I felt great, and I couldn't.
It wasn't all negative. She agreed I am making progress and am doing things I wouldn't have thought I would've done when I started seeing her. I'm VOLUNTARILY practicing driving and made an appointment for the test, although I have to reschedule due to surgery. I graduated. I have a part-time job. Once I get my driver's license I'll look for other work.
So I'm doing the thing. But why bother if I'll never actually feel happy?
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