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Psych hospital (TW: Suicide)

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Posted April 28th 2022 at 12:12 AM by Wheek!

I was in the hospital starting on the 12th after a suicide attempt. I had felt hopeless and impulsive and wanted it to stop. I never thought I would actually go through with an attempt but I guess life's full of surprises. I ended up Ubering to the hospital and luckily I got there before getting pretty sick. I was already starting to feel it before getting in the Uber so I got lucky. In the ER I was taken right back and they talked to me but I don't remember the conversation.
I had to wait in the ER for a while. I don't remember this but I guess I was trying to get out of bed and threw up on one of the nursing techs. I was told I was put in the ICU next, but my mom was in the same unit for a medical problem before and they told her it was a step-down unit, so I don't know.
I spent 2 or 3 days in the regular hospital doing nothing but watching TV and laying there. A nursing tech had to watch me 24/7, even when I went to the bathroom or slept. They were nice to me but I could tell some were probably bored since they couldn't leave me. I was on IV medication and they kept doing bloodwork to the point that I was bruised and they had a hard time getting blood from me. They did bloodwork at bad times like 4/5 AM. The nurse techs who watched me were called "sitters" and I felt like this was infantilizing. I felt like an immature baby. Couldn't they use any other name?
The psychiatrist there visited me twice and both were like two second visits. It was basically like "good luck" and seemed rushed. At least the rest of the staff was nice to me.
Then I was transferred by ambulance to the psych unit at another hospital. That was my first time being in an ambulance and it was a bit of a bumpy ride. I didn't realize how small the back of an ambulance was.
The psych unit was okay. I didn't have my clothes the first two days and had to wear their gown and pants before I got them. The food was meh. They had showers where you had to push a button every ten seconds because it would turn off. It wasn't super warm water either but it was good enough for a fast shower. I don't think I'd like it in the winter. The people I was with were mostly nice too and we did things like watch TV or played games.
I never knew what to sat in group therapy and the social worker pointed out that I didn't talk a lot in her group. Maybe she just didn't ask the right questions. The second group of the day was run by a recovery support specialist who has had mental health and substance use disorders. I liked that group better than the first processing group but still was pretty quiet. I also had to meet with a doctor daily and he messed with my meds, adjusting the doses of some and taking me off one. I didn't like that he took me off one.
I had ghosted my friends and family at the beginning and when I finally told my mom why I was gone and that I attempted suicide she didn't take me seriously and downplayed the whole thing. The social worker talked to my mom too for discharge planning and the social worker was surprised my mom didn't recognize the severity of it either. I wasn't surprised given my mom has called me a hypochondriac before and has said that the person who diagnosed me with bipolar is a quack. But my dad did take care of my guinea pigs and did a good job at it. My other friends who I told took things more seriously and checked in on me sometimes.
I also checked if I was able to do a partial hospitalization program when I left and I do the intake for that tomorrow. I wasn't sure if the insurance would cover it because I did IOP before I tried to kill myself.
I talked to my prescriber today now that I am released as well and got put back on the med that she took me off of.
I'm still passively suicidal. My parents took away the rest of the method I could use, but I don't have intent right now. Then again, I didn't think I did before anyway. I have thoughts of self harm, and slept all day today because I had a headache.
Here's hoping things go well. Not looking forward to going back to work starting Saturday. Working is a trigger.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Golfing girl's Avatar
    I hope you will be okay soon. Sending you lots of to help you to be okay soon and hope that work goes well for you.
    permalink
    Posted April 28th 2022 at 05:45 PM by Golfing girl Golfing girl is offline
  2. Old Comment
    I said this already, but I'm so proud of you. Proud of you for realizing what you'd done and getting yourself to the ER. I'm sorry your mom is not being very supportive, and it was nice of your dad to care for the pets in the meantime.

    Don't apologize for ghosting. You came back and explained yourself. You needed to take care of yourself and what was going on internally first, and always remember you come first. Your physical, mental, and emotional well-being.

    <3
    permalink
    Posted April 28th 2022 at 08:25 PM by Ethereal. Ethereal. is offline
  3. Old Comment
    obelus's Avatar
    Love from ur smotherer <3
    permalink
    Posted April 30th 2022 at 06:21 AM by obelus obelus is offline
 
 
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