Triggering (Suicide): You Don't Own Me

[Stiena]

I don't even know where to begin. My life has been a constant push-pull for power and I'm sick of feeling like I have no control. I'm sick of living in this house with these people. I'm sick of not having enough control over my space. My creativity is stifled and I'm sick of pretending. I am tired of being stuffed into a group with the people my age and being told to stay on track. I want my own house, my own family, and my own room to create and live my life. Planning will not cut it anymore. I am at my wits end trying to be content. I cannot and will not be at peace and nor will I be forced to tolerate living like this! I am stuck in the wrong body of the wrong age and gender with a family that is intolerable, childish, and abusive. I'm over the idea of being told that there is nothing that I can do. There is always something I could have done and I'd rather be dead than continue to live this lie.

[Evanescence ♥]

I am so sorry you feel like this. Why is your family making you feel like this?

[Stiena]

Originally Posted by Cats315

I am so sorry you feel like this. Why is your family making you feel like this?

:/ My family really isn't making me feel anything. What I stated was the truth. If there's rationalizing a why, it's because they're childish as I said.

[Evanescence ♥]

All families act differently from other families. Sometimes, especially during our teenage years, we think they are really embarrassing and we wish we were on our own and away from them. I completely understand where you are coming. Maybe you should try to talk to your family and tell them that the way they are acting is affecting you.

[Stiena]

Originally Posted by Cats315

All familiese act differently from other families. Sometimes, especially during our teenage years, we think they are really embarrassing and we wish we were on our own and away from them. I completely understand where you are coming. Maybe you should try to talk to your family and tell them that the way they are acting is affecting you.

Can you not treat me like everyone treats my age group, please? It's very, very offensive to me. Yes, most teens over-react to their families and constantly threaten suicide over tiny things. I am not most teens, okay? My life, had it been given to someone else, would have killed them. I'm not 14 and whining. I'm 17, nearly 18, and mature for my age which is probably due to the fact I never had a childhood.

With that said, I am being honest when I say they are abusive and I don't even like using that word. Every teenager says they hate their parents... but they don't mean it. I do. The only thing I'd be concerned about if they suddenly died would be my sister's well-being, my financial well-being, and my relationship.

[Evanescence ♥]

First of all, I'm older then you, therefore you shouldn't treat me like you are now. Do you think the way you are treating me isn't offensive and rude? I'm just stating the facts. I am sorry that this post may make me sound like I'm angry, I'm just trying to help you. I am sorry that you're family is abusive towards you. Have you ever thought about telling the police about the abuse?

[Stiena]

Originally Posted by Cats315

First of all, I'm older then you, therefore you shouldn't treat me like you are now. Do you think the way you are treating me isn't offensive and rude? I'm just stating the facts. I am sorry that this post may make me sound like I'm angry, I'm just trying to help you. I am sorry that you're family is abusive towards you. Have you ever thought about telling the police about the abuse?

Okay, look, I felt you disrespected me by ignoring the first post where I stated my parents were abusive, therefore assuming I was over-exaggerating so don't get huffy with me. Furthermore, you don't get to pull the "I'm older; respect me" because I clearly stated I'm not the age of my body and that I struggle with that enough already. I'm sorry you feel that I'm being rude, but you have no idea how angry I can be.

The police around here are as useless as CPS. CPS only removes you if your parents are convicts. Trust me.

[Evanescence ♥]

I am sorry that you feel that I'm disrespecting you, but I'm not. I know you're not overexaggerating, I'm just trying to put myself in your shoes. Maybe you misread my post or I misworded my post and that made you think that I thought you were overexaggerating. I'm trying to help you, not disrespect you. Have you ever talked to a therapist or a counsellor about how you feel that you're not the right age or anything along the line?

Again, I am sorry if I may have upsetted you in any way.

[Stiena]

I do have a therapist, but I can only talk to her about so much without her getting my parents involved so honestly... it's totally useless :/

[Evanescence ♥]

Sometimes, stuff between a patient and a therapist is usually confidential to a certain degree. They would only let your parents know if you're at risk of harming yourself.

[Stiena]

She's a social worker; she isn't bound by the same laws. She told my mom about something serious even though I asked her not to, after which my mom nearly pulled me from therapy and almost forced me on medication. The thing I said pertained to a mental illness and had nothing to do with causing harm to myself or others or breaking a law.. but she told my mom.

[Evanescence ♥]

The way your mom treated you by pulling you out of therapy and forcing you to go on medication is not the way a parent should of reacted. Sure, they would be angry and upset, but they should at least try to understand what you are going through.

[Stiena]

Which should be proof enough to you that she's not a real parent.

I've decided that I'm likely to run far away from here. I can't and won't take this anymore. If they try to chase me down, I'll find the quickest and easiest way of killing myself. I'm not going to be told how to live anymore. It's my life. I don't care if they don't like that fact; it's their problem if they can't accept it. This is my life, and if I have to run to live it, even if I die, I'll die happily in the streets.

[Evanescence ♥]

You'll be able to go live on you own once you turn 18. I think you can wait then to move out of your house.

[Stiena]

Nobody is going to give a loan or rent a house/apartment to a teenager without a job and because the nearest town with jobs is 30 minutes away and a minimum wage job would not pay the rent, I'd say now is a good time as any to leave, especially considering I'm not done with school so I'm probably better off killing myself on the street anyway.

[Evanescence ♥]

I'm sorry that you feel this way, but please don't kill yourself. It would only make things worser. I know you're probably tired of hearing this, but it's true. But, once you turn 18, your considered an adult. Do you plan on going to college? Because I suggest that you go to a college that is far away from you parents.

[Stiena]

I'm barely passing high school; I want my own life, not more school. The patience to wait will not come. I will not qualify for scholarships and taking out a student loan is future suicide in itself. Community college or technical school are the only things I'd consider, but I don't even see myself getting a job right now. People make me far too angry; I'd end up going to jail for assault. This is why I've been considering suicide.

[Evanescence ♥]

You can probably go to community college or technical school. You can probably get a job at one of those places. Have you tried getting some help with the anger issue? I have some anger issues too, but I'm able to control my anger.

[Stiena]

I'm only as angry as I've been indoctrinated to be. That's what happens when you deny a child the rights to their emotions and raise them with contempt; everything goes to anger. Some fool telling me I'm a problem is the last thing I need. I've been told I'm wrong all my life; it's not something I like hearing anymore. :/

[Evanescence ♥]

I agree with what you're saying. If somebody tells you you're a problem, just tell them it's because of the way you were raised.