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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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mindflower Offline
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He left me, and took my will to live with him.... - July 17th 2012, 05:01 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm so lost, I can't even think straight, I can't even last a day without crying out my sorrow or heartbreak, I can't go one week without planning out a suicide attempt and actually going through with it, but bailing last second, I can't live without him and thats why I need to die.
I miss him, I miss him so much it hurts my heart with every breath I take. Every time he texts me I cry inside, and sometimes out. Everything reminds me of him, the music I hear, the objects I see, the places or the texts, it doesn't matter, everythings a memory of how much I loved him.
I remember every time he kissed me, every feeling, every thought that ran through my spinning head.
I need him again, but he left me for my best friend, whom I also loved, and went bi for, but maybe Im more straight, I don't know for sure, but dear lord i need him back or I'm not gonna make it through this, let alone make it through a day or a week.
This must be what jail or being caged feels like, and suddenly you're free, and thats when you feel trapped the most.
I don't make one bit of sense without knowing that he's in my life to love me.
I know why he doesn't, no matter what he says, I know why he doesn't love me anymore.
I'm fake, I'm ugly, I'm untallented and slutty and boring and a failure and pathetic and not funny or sweet or beautiful, I'm nothing compared to her, and thats where I went wrong.
Im not good enough for him,....
so I'm not good enough for anyone....
or life, at that.

I think I might kill myself soon, I've planned most everything out and its just a matter of finding the strength to be that weak. or is it, to find the weakness to be that strong?

I'm not sure anymore......I'm worthless of this life if Im that easy to leave.....
he regrets me and I regret life, so that just about covers it.....
maybe soon I'll be that angel he always wanted.....
   
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Re: He left me, and took my will to live with him.... - July 17th 2012, 06:07 AM

Listen. I need you to breathe in deeply, and breathe right back out. It seems as if your mind is running about mindlessly and at a radical pace. Right now, you need to sit down, breathe, and order your thoughts more slowly.

Four years ago, I was in practically the same situation that you are, except I chose to leave the guy. My mind told me that it was best for me if I just left, yet my heart seemed to think otherwise. I felt the same ache, the same longing, the same self-hatred that you are experiencing right now. All of this was because I had left and I knew he would never take me back, after I had hurt him like that. I, too, had considered the option of suicide numerous times. I cried myself to sleep, feeling as if a black hole lay inside of me, sucking me dry. I went through this period of complete hell for about six months. Yet, here I am, four years later. Whenever I see the same guy, I don't even bat an eye in his direction. I don't hate him, no; I just have absolutely no feelings towards him anymore. He has a girlfriend now and is happy; I'm happy that he's happy. But I've learned to move on.

What I'm trying to say is this: Killing yourself over another man's mistakes is NOT WORTH IT. It's not worth it at all! This guy told you that he doesn't love you anymore; you can't make someone love you. He chose to leave. And it may hurt so deeply right now, but in four years time (even one years time), you could have no emotional attachment to him at all. It may seem like you could never stop loving him, but I was the same exact way, I promise you. I've gone through all kinds of struggles, including something like this, but I can tell you - I'm happy now. Truly happy. You will probably meet another guy soon down the road, one who will actually love you. This guy that left didn't seem to have your feelings at heart. And killing yourself isn't going to do diddly squat. He might hear the news, and grieve for a small period of time. But then he'll move on. So what good is that going to do? You'll only hurt your family and true friends. You'll impact those people who actually care in a negative way. I implore you, don't do it. It will solve absolutely nothing.

You're in a highly emotional state as of right now. You need a month or two to really figure things out and rest your mind. One man is not reason enough to end your life. No reason is good enough to end your life. Does life really suck at times? Oh yeah, it sure does. But is life truly beautiful and heart-warming at other times? More often than not. You have to push through this pain, not give in to it. Rising above the darkness will be what motivates you, what inspires you, what strengthens you to carry on and help others around you who face the same situations. I'd also suggest that you find a counselor or another trusted adult to tell these emotions too. It may seem like a bad idea, but trust me. It really does help. It relieves a lot of the emotional baggage you're holding on to and allows you to think clearly and make more rational decisions. While it seems impossible to live life without this guy, that you can't ever move on, look at me. I'm living proof of this kind of stuff. I survived, and I'm so glad that I did.

I'm here any time if you need to PM me, so don't be afraid to. There is always a reason to carry on, even with those scars on your skin. <3
   
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mindflower Offline
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Re: He left me, and took my will to live with him.... - July 17th 2012, 06:29 PM

thank you....for understanding <3
   
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Re: He left me, and took my will to live with him.... - July 17th 2012, 06:38 PM

You're very welcome. c: Help is always here for you, dear. So don't give up hope. <3
   
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Re: He left me, and took my will to live with him.... - July 17th 2012, 07:02 PM

Coming from another young woman who has had her heart broke so many times... hes not worth it!
When my ex of 4 years broke up with me for another girl I thought I would never be ok again! All I could do was cry and feel bad about myself. But then I realized that I shouldnt be upset... I should be mad because I was a good gf and all I did was love him! If your personal best is not good enough for him... then hes not good enough for you! And any guy that will leave you for your best friend is not good enough! But there is someone out there that is good enough and will love you no matter what. You just have to find that person.
Dont blame yourself for that guys stupid choices. Its not your fault!
Take some time to relax and think. And if you need someone to talk to PM me. Ill listen!


   
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