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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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BlueWolf Offline
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Worthless and Hopeless - July 18th 2012, 06:51 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I don't understand why I keep doing this to myself. I have just pushed away the only few friends I had that cared and wanted to support me. I always push away all my friends, but the strange thing is, whenever I am around them I feel so alone. I can't help but to sit here and think about all the friends I have lost, either from my own doing or theirs. I feel so painfully alone.

To make things worse I went to my ex's house today. When I am with him I don't feel alone. I can truly smile, but what sucks is that I know everything about him is a lie. Everything I see is not true. He lies about everything. He betrayed me countless times and cheated on me. I have proof he did, yet he still denies it. So even though I know all of this, why do I feel the way I do when I am around him? I gave into him today and he told me he would show me how much he wanted to be with me. I'll just say I'm going to be taking Plan B tomorrow....

Sometimes I wonder if I purposely do things that hurt me. I don't know what to do right now. I have absolutely no one to talk to. Not friends or family. I've never felt so worthless or hopeless, and I am feeling extremely suicidal. I've already gave into the temptation to self-harm, and it is not enough anymore.


Self-harm free since 10.1.2013
"You have not failed if you learned something from it."
"Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain"
"Weak heart, Dying soul, Falling apart, Make me whole, These broken blues, Peirce your being, Hide the truth, You won't be seeing."
"Deeper, Deeper, Deeper inside me I live a life that seems to be a lost reality."
"Big Brother is watching."

   
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Maddiystic Offline
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Re: Worthless and Hopeless - July 18th 2012, 08:35 AM

Please, don't end your life. It won't be worth it.

You deserve better than the cheater-- have you told your ex everything you tell your friends? Maybe opening up even more might make you feel not so alone. You're not hopeless nor worthless. Please take some time and really think how this isn't the way out.

Are you seeing a therapist? Are you depressed?

Please, hang in there!
   
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BlueWolf Offline
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Re: Worthless and Hopeless - July 18th 2012, 05:51 PM

I am seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist.

I know I deserve better, but I can't help myself. When I'm with him everything feels right, but I don't understand why.

I never thought of that, no I have not told my friends everything I tell him. But then again, they don't have the time to talk to me as much as he does and I don't feel as comfortable around them as I do with him.


Self-harm free since 10.1.2013
"You have not failed if you learned something from it."
"Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain"
"Weak heart, Dying soul, Falling apart, Make me whole, These broken blues, Peirce your being, Hide the truth, You won't be seeing."
"Deeper, Deeper, Deeper inside me I live a life that seems to be a lost reality."
"Big Brother is watching."

   
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