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Lelo Offline
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Name: Marie
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I'm headed for a breakdown - August 27th 2012, 10:29 PM

Everyone around me can tell you I am a happy person who never lets anything bring me down, but the truth is it's all an act. I esentally have been "acting" since I was seven. When I was seven I started my path of self-harming, nothing big at first, just biting myself, holding an ice cube to my skin, pinching until I bled. I did it because I though I wasnt good enough and that I desreved pain. When I was eight I started feeling suicidal and when I was nine I started cutting. I have been able to hide it well, with only cutting on my hip, and occasionaly my arm. When I turned ten I started hating my body and I started my path down ED-NOS (eating disorder- not otherwise spesifed) I'm 13 now and slowly unraviling, and I am headed for a break down. I have been abused by my mom, dad, and former best friend and still have been unable to deal with my parents divorce and moms depression. I have no doubt in my mind that I have depression, it runs in my family and it seems that I was "lucky" enough to get the gene too. I am almost out of gas and I have no where to turn, I know that in order for me to ever recover I will need serious profesional help buty I dont know if I will ever be able to get that for my self. I don't talk my issues it's just too hard for me to do. I don't want to live like this anymore and if I can't be happy then I don't want to live. I can't do this too much longer.....help
   
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Re: I'm headed for a breakdown - August 28th 2012, 10:04 PM

I know what you mean by the "putting on an act" thing. I do a similar thing around people. It's just easier to pretend to be happy, than to show people what is really going on.

I know you said you don't like talking about your feelings and issues, I am the same way. So is there any way you could get into a hobby (sport, some kind of art?) that will help you tell your mind off of all of your stress and help you gain confidence and love for yourself? That's what I had to do, and just maybe it can work for you?

And hey, if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to message me. My inbox is always open, and I will always be here to listen.

Lots of Love <3
Abigail


   
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