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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Babycakes Offline
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Name: Aiden
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Depressed I guess - August 30th 2012, 07:40 AM

Well, it's been a while since I've visited these forums, I doubt anyone remembers me.

Anyway, here's my story:

Aside from dropping out of High School and going back to finish, sure enough graduating with honour's, as well as getting a full time job, I've honestly accomplished so much in my life in these past few months and I'm extremely proud of myself.

The only thing is, I feel as though I'm slipping back into my old state of mind. I work anywhere from 8-10 hours a day, 6 days a week. I suppose all this work isn't good for my health, but I have extremely high expectations for myself and working is the only thing keeping me sane.

I wake up in the mornings, feeling like I just got the shit kicked out of me. Not physically from the hard work I'm putting in, but emotionally. I'm not entirely sure what's causing it, but it probably has to do with the same girl I've been sulking about for the past 2 years.

Moving onto that girl; I saw her for the first time in over 6 months a couple weeks ago. It felt really good to see her again and I felt as though everything went well. I took her out for dinner, then I drove us to this field we used to always cuddle on, and we just laid there, holding each other like old times. Though, apparently she didn't have as good of a time as I had hoped, judging from the lack of responses I received afterwards (none at all) - I'd like to say that I've moved on, but I will always love her and I think most of you know, love doesn't go away, no matter the circumstances.

Moving on to my next problem - heh.

Everyone always told me for years, things would get better once I'm graduated and I have a job. Well yeah, they were right. Things did get better for about 2 weeks. But at the moment, I can honestly say I'm more miserable than I've ever been in my entire life. I've been having these strong feelings for over a month and I can really feel it going down hill. While working, all I can really think about is how much I hate my life.

I haven't been eating. It's not like I'm starving myself, but I just don't feel the need or want to put food into my body. Working a physically challenging job, this probably isn't the best thing to do. I try to eat dinner, but its usually only a couple bites before my stomach starts to ache.

The good thing is, I haven't self-harmed in quite a long time. Though, I probably get enough cuts, burns and bruises at work - sometimes I feel as though I could easily avoid getting some of the burns I get, but I'm completely numbed towards physical pain nowadays. I think about doing it all the time, but frankly I just don't have the time or energy.

As to why I'm posting this thread, I have no idea. Perhaps I'm just venting how I feel. I've been so bottled up these past few months.

If you've made it this far, thanks for reading.

- Aiden.
   
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Re: Depressed I guess - August 30th 2012, 09:57 AM

Hi Aiden!

I'm just letting you know that I read every word.

No advice. Other than to say... be careful that 'hating your life' doesn't become a 'lifelong habit'.

GREAT BIG HUG
Craig!
   
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Babycakes Offline
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Re: Depressed I guess - August 30th 2012, 02:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by CanadaCraig View Post
Hi Aiden!

I'm just letting you know that I read every word.

No advice. Other than to say... be careful that 'hating your life' doesn't become a 'lifelong habit'.

GREAT BIG HUG
Craig!
Thanks, good to see another Canadian here, especially one so close! I'm from Vancouver, but I visit Victoria often =P!
   
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Re: Depressed I guess - August 31st 2012, 12:27 AM

Hey Aiden,
I know it's tough what you're feeling and I understand when you say you could avoid getting hurt at work. I do the same thing by doing reckless things which leads to injuries. I know it's hard enough being in love with someone who wouldn't love you back and pretty much teased you by going with you for that reminsce. But, it's going to be alright in the end.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
   
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