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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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wk3096 Offline
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No more pain once and for all - September 6th 2012, 07:19 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I can't take this anymore. I'm now writing my suicide letter and I just don't know where to turn anymore. It's not worth it. I would say it's ok take it one day at a time, but I feel like I have reached the end. I gave up on god as it feels like god has gave up on me and I don't believe in him anymore. I wish it would be over now, but I don't know how to even do it. I don't even know why I am scared of doing it, before I had a reason to be scared because of god but now there is no reason. No one understands me I tried talking but yea... it didn't work. Counselors that I saw was no help either. I feel that there is no solution for this and I'm just crazy and this world would be better without me.
   
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Re: No more pain once and for all - September 6th 2012, 07:24 AM

Maybe we can help - we are all here to listen to you and give you advice.
If you just hang on for a bit longer, then I promise that all the members here can give you fantastic advice, help and support.

PLEASE trust me on this, because things can change - and life is full of things to live for once they do.
If you want to talk more privately, I have to go now, but you can normally get help of the TH chat, or PM staff / other members.


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Re: No more pain once and for all - September 7th 2012, 02:09 AM

Hi there.

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. I've had similar thoughts and feelings before, so I can understand a bit where you're coming from. I'll do my best to give you some support and advice, but remember this: at the end of the day, your life is in your hands. I can't stop you ending your life, but I can try to convince you that your life is worth living. Other people can help you along the way, but your path is yours alone, and only you can save yourself. Now that that's out of the way, here we go.

First, not being religious myself, I'm going to just skim over the 'God' issue. I'm not sure which religion you were before you gave up on this idea of God, but regardless, if that religion helped you, it might be worth reconsidering it. I know that a lot of religious people go through phases of doubting or even hating their God, so what you're feeling is natural. But there are things you can do to help you reconnect with your God: read your sacred text (if you have one), talk to other people with similar beliefs, meditate/pray. Many things in life, like death, disaster, even depression, are hard to understand and hard to explain, so having doubts and questions makes sense. Just don't let them get you down, you know? Things happen, and whether or not there's a reason for them, all you can do is make the most of your situation and try to live your life.

It really is okay to take things one day at a time. Who knows, maybe your next day will be the best day of your life. You never know what's just around the corner, and other clichéd things like that, so keep holding on. I know what it's like to feel like there's nothing left, like it would be better to just end it - and I also know what it's like to find joy and happiness and peace, so I can tell you from personal experience that recovery is possible, and that it does get better... but only if you work to make it better. It's one thing to wish things were better; it's another thing entirely to actively work to improve your situation.

There's a saying I like: 'If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.' It's easy to feel like the universe is against you, or like nothing you do matters. But the truth is, you have control over your own life. If things aren't going the way you'd like, do what you can to change them. If you're not happy, figure out what's making you unhappy and then figure out a way to fix it. There is always hope, and as long as you keep trying, things will get better.

There are lots of reasons to be scared of ending your life. For one thing, it sounds like you don't have a firm idea of what's waiting for you when you do eventually go (which I very much hope will be a long time from now). That's scary. People fear the unknown. It might also be scary to think about what you're leaving behind; maybe you're worried about what will happen to your loved ones once you're gone. Usually I hold the opinion that fear shouldn't stop you from doing anything, but in this case I think it's acceptable to let the fear stop you from acting on your thoughts.

Nobody can fully understand what anyone else is going through. Even if you go through the exact same experience or event as someone, you're still not going to have to deal with exactly the same aftermath; you're yourself, not anybody else. But even if people can't understand, that doesn't mean they can't help. Maybe just listening, asking questions, showing concern, can make a difference. So don't shut yourself off because you feel like nobody understands (been there, done that, and I can tell you that it doesn't work). Give people the benefit of the doubt and give them a chance to help. It can be hard to find a counsellor who works well with you, who you connect with, and who can really help... but once you do, it can make a world of difference. You could also try calling a Hotline, which can be quite helpful.

Finally, remember that suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems. Things may seem dark, but who's to say they won't get better? Happiness is possible, recovery is possible, and I do believe you can get through this. The world would not be better without you; you have the potential to turn your life around, become the person you always dreamed or hoped you were going to be, and make a positive difference in the world. Take that chance, be brave, and become an inspiration to other people who may go through what you're going through now. If you're still lacking motivation, try looking through some of the Reasons to Live. You might find one or more that can get you through this.

I hope I helped, and I hope you start to feel better soon. Take care, okay? You can do this.


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Re: No more pain once and for all - September 7th 2012, 04:26 AM

Suicide is never the answer, it may be a quick fix to end your pain but think of those close to you. NO, i'm not trying to guilt you into staying. It's the thing I tell myself when I have my pills in hand and a letter in front of me. I know how it feels to be at your end. I'm so far past the end I think I've been beaten into a speck so I can't cry out anymore. My faith has been restored in God but now its faltering again. Only a week and I"m gone again. What a weakling, I am. But, don't jump to suicide right now. There is always someone/thing to live for. Everything will work out, for the better I"m sure, but please, talk to me. I would give ou my number so you can reach me anytime you feel like killing yourself but I doubt I'd be any help over a phone. My brain is quickest behind a computer and it's always been that way.

Don't hesistate to message me, and I just hope that this isn't coming too late.

Sincerely,
Jay.

P.S I do want you to send me a message.


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Re: No more pain once and for all - September 8th 2012, 05:38 AM

Thanks all.
   
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Re: No more pain once and for all - September 8th 2012, 07:07 AM

hey ive been in the same boat and you have to trust me when i say that satan is trying to pull you down but we have to stand up against him and realize that we are beautifully and wonderfully made and god is right there we just have to trust him! believe me when i say we drift from god, not the other way around. open your bible to psalms and just read and it will calm you down!
   
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