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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Dark-and-Twisty Offline
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It's a Never-ending Cycle - September 14th 2012, 04:45 PM

Nothing ever changes. My life just repeats itself. Don't say, "Only you can break the cycle" or "Only you can change yourself," because it doesn't work. My only friend tells me that all the time, and I try and try and try, and I always end up in the same spot, and I'm sooooo sick of it.

Stage 1 - Feeling confident about life and change. I convince myself that I'm going to be more social and make more friends. I occupy myself so I'm so busy and I hardly sleep because I'm socializing and participating in various activities. I'm social and friendly to others. I make plans with others and look forward to hanging out with them.

Stage 2 - People begin to avoid me. I'll make plans to hang out with people, then they don't return my phone calls or make up some excuse as to why they can't hang out. I got my hopes up for nothing.

Stage 3 - I feel alone and depressed, and I realize nothing will ever change. I'm destined to be alone.

I realize things come up and I definitely don't expect to be the center of attention. I only have one friend in the world who is consistently there for me, but he can't always be there because he has a job and a life too. I value alone time, but I hate being alone every weekend.

My roommate has only lived with me for 2 weeks and she already is moving out. She's roommate #4. She said, "It's not you, it's I want to move in with a friend." My first roommate wanted to live on her own, my second roommate couldn't afford to live on campus, my third roommate wanted to move in with a friend, and now this. It makes me look like a horrible roommate. . .I mean, I lived with my second roommate for an entire year, but people don't look at that. So, nobody's going to want to live with me...

I want to move in with my best guy friend, but his roommate doesn't like the idea of that, and they're skeptical about living with a girl who neither is dating. I don't see the big deal. Personally, I find nothing wrong with co-ed roommates. And besides, we talked about getting a 3-bedroom with a loft and two bathrooms, so I'd have my own room and bathroom... so it's not like I'd be that much of a bother.

Then there's this other girl I know who lives with her parents (she's 19)... I'm trying to convince her to move in with me, but I don't know how serious she is about moving out of her parents'... although, I've come to the conclusion recently that I HATE living with girls. They're always full of drama and I can't stand it. I don't think there'd be any drama with this girl, though, because she doesn't seem like the type. I hate 99% of the female gender, though.

Ugh. I'm just scared. I just have a feeling I'm going to end up all alone. I can't get a date to save a life. No guy wants me. I've never gone out with someone I've met in person, because all the guys I've ever met have girlfriends. The only time I got dates was online, and I don't want to rely on the internet to find dates. The first guy I went out with was completely antisocial, the second smelled disgusting (I mean, at least if I meet them in person I know if they have good hygiene or not <_<), and the third turned out to be a liar and a player. I can't do the online thing again. Plus, then I'd have to lie to my family for the rest of my life of how I met the guy, because my mom told me that if I ever met a guy online, she would never accept him (harsh, I know, but she's completely anti-online dating).

I'm tired of this never-ending cycle. I just want curl up in my room and read books for the rest of my life and never leave other than to workout so I don't become gigantic :/ But I might not even have a room for much longer. ): It's so expensive to live on your own if you don't have a roommate, it would literally take my entire monthly paycheck now with nothing left over for groceries... yeah, I know, get a new job... but I like where I work now.


"You say you're all dark and twisty. It's not a flaw, it's a strength. It makes you who you are."

~ Derek, Grey's Anatomy
   
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Re: It's a Never-ending Cycle - September 14th 2012, 10:43 PM

Please don't take anything I say the wrong way, I really am trying to help! Please keep in mind that text usually tends to sound more offensive than words spoken to you in person.

In Stage 1 you say "I occupy myself so I'm so busy and I hardly sleep because I'm socializing and participating in various activities. I'm social and friendly to others. I make plans with others and look forward to hanging out with them."

You sound desperate, and that might be your problem. You may intend to be really nice, but if you are constantly talking to people, they may start to get annoyed and avoid you. Same for being overly nice, super friendly people seem fake a lot of the time. (Personally, all the people I know who are always super nice to me in person tend to actually be back-stabbing jerks.)

Now I'm not saying you're a back-stabbing jerk! But maybe that's what people's first impression may be of you if you're acting super nice.

Just remember, you should always stay true to yourself, don't change your personality just to please others, but maybe you just need to take a step back (not sink into a depression) and relax.

Instead of going out all the time, find just one or two activities that you enjoy. Focus on finding some real friends before looking for a boyfriend. And if you donít feel up to going out, go ahead and curl up and read a book, itís good for you!

I guess my point is: donít spend all your time socializing, and vice versa, donít spend all your time alone.

I know what I'm trying to say, but I don't know if it's coming out that way. Either way, I hope this helps, I canít say that I know how you feel, or that I understand what youíre going through, because I know I donít.

ďTo truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it!Ē ĖCharlie Chaplin


   
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Re: It's a Never-ending Cycle - September 14th 2012, 11:26 PM

Hey there,

I'd say not to be so full on, a lot of people feel intimidated by the naturally happy people, the overly friendly people sometimes may be the case. Just be casual about going out with friends. Be like 'oh yeah, I have tickets to the movies, if you want to come you can' and be nonchalant about it. My friend was liek to me the other day 'You are coming to movieworld on halloween with me and it kind of freaked me out because I have no money. So, don't be really forward. And you don't have to have a boyfriend, someome will like you, there are probably uys liking you but they're not sure whether or not to approach you.

Hope it helps,
Jay.


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Re: It's a Never-ending Cycle - September 15th 2012, 01:14 AM

I wouldn't say I'm overly nice, and I'm definitely not desperate. Also, I'm not naturally happy - far from it. Growing up, people would ask me "What's wrong?" even when nothing was wrong.

I've never gone out of my way to be nice to people, especially people I don't know really well. By nice, I mean, I'll be like, "Hey, how are you?" Then I'll text people and be like, "Wanna hang Friday?" and they'll be like "Sure, I'll text you Friday." Friday comes... they don't text me, I text them, they either don't respond or say they can't. So yeah. I'm no attention seeker, and I stay pretty low key.

I don't see how I'm different than anyone else. I'm not the crazy freak who goes person-to-person begging for attention. I know people like that and they drive me crazy. I'm more casual, and I don't talk to absolutely everyone--just those who appear down to earth and friendly. There are certain types of people who drive me nuts.

And I never said I go out all the time. I hate going out. I mean, I walk around campus and hang out with people here, or I invite people to hang out at my place, or I go over to theirs. I'm not into the "party" or "clubbing" scene at all. I mean, I'll go bowling, to a movie, or out to eat - but I hardly consider that "going out."

People always tell me that I need to make the first step if I want to have friends. I've spent a majority of my life in my room waiting for others to contact me, which they never do. There's only one person who will ever call or text me (other than my mother). I just don't get it. Other people don't seem to have this problem. I just wish making friends and KEEPING friends was easier for me... I understand friends come and go, but it seems like everyone gets sick of me pretty quick. I try to change, but nothing seems to work.

I've had one friend for a little over two years now, which is my longest standing friendship, and for the longest time I was terrified of losing him. I'm pretty sure I'd go insane if I didn't have him.


"You say you're all dark and twisty. It's not a flaw, it's a strength. It makes you who you are."

~ Derek, Grey's Anatomy

Last edited by Dark-and-Twisty; September 15th 2012 at 01:21 AM.
   
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Re: It's a Never-ending Cycle - September 17th 2012, 09:54 PM

Hmmm... In that case, I really don't understand what you're doing wrong... Just make sure that you're not always leaving it all up to them to remember to txt you on friday. Sometimes I will honostly forget to txt my friends until the next morning. Be persistant, but not pushy (which can be a bit difficult at times).

I really don't know what else to tell you, only that you've just got to stay optimistic. Everything will work out in the end, you've just got to give it some time.


   
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Re: It's a Never-ending Cycle - September 18th 2012, 05:40 PM

I officially think I've given up on the human race. So, my soon-to-be ex-roommate (she's moving out today) just caused a hell of a lot of drama which has added a ton more stress on my plate (as if I don't have enough already!) I guess she went to the housing director and made up a bunch of lies about me. Apparently I told her she could never have friends over, and she confronted me and I freaked out on her.

Never happened. One, I told her to invite friends over, and two, she never talked to me about anything before talking to the housing director. So, since she's my 4th roommate (btw, none of them moved out due to personal issues with me, I'm still good friends with 2/3 of my ex-roommates), the housing director frowns upon me and says if my next roommate and I don't work out, then basically I have to move and have to live alone.

This is ridiculous. I feel like I'm in kindergarten. I want to move off campus as soon as possible, but there's so many variables that come into play for when I can move out. But now I'm stressed to the max, feeling shitty about myself, and sick of the human race. Basically I feel like a horrible person, even though I know I did nothing wrong.


"You say you're all dark and twisty. It's not a flaw, it's a strength. It makes you who you are."

~ Derek, Grey's Anatomy
   
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