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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
escape♥ Offline
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Unhappy Its going downhill fast..I need some help. Bad. >.< - October 1st 2012, 08:23 PM

Hey there.

So, I've been slipping up in SH pretty bad..I cut my thighs 14 times last Wednesday, 26 times last Thursday, and 9 times tonight.
I now have 49 healing && fresh cuts/scratches all over my thighs.

It's never gotten that bad before. I've been depressed/sad/unhappy for a while, but it's only really started effecting me in the past couple of weeks.

I don't know what to do anymore..
I took a few of those online depression screening tests/quizes and pretty much all of them said I could have moderate-severe depression, or some weird strain of bipolar disorder.

I don't know if this is for real, or if it's just a depressive "state" or "phase" or whatever. I mean, it could just be that I just finished my menstrual cycle, or that I'm just a sad person. I don't want to freak out my parents or bother a doctor for no reason.
And I'd reallyyyyyyy rather not tell my parents.

So, what should I do? I've tried alternatives...but they just don't work. And honestly, cutting isn't taking away the emotional pain anymore..

Some advice please?
Thank you.
~paula


If you're looking for a sign not to kill yourself tonight, this is it.
"May the odds be ever in your favour"
"A strong person is one who can smile this morning like they weren't crying last night."
Your never alone, I'm always here for you. Shoot me a VM or PM.

Last edited by Palmolive; October 2nd 2012 at 08:43 PM. Reason: Removing prefix
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Its going downhill fast..I need some help. Bad. >.< - October 1st 2012, 10:10 PM

Hey Paula ok so firstly you should know that those online tests are not accurate. At all. So what I really think you should do is see either a councillor or doctor - someone with a professional opinion. I think it would be worth just trying to find out for sure if you do have anything... plus talking to a counsillor can really help - actually talking to anyone can really help. I hope things get better for you <3

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
escape♥ Offline
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Re: Its going downhill fast..I need some help. Bad. >.< - October 1st 2012, 10:13 PM

Hey Ken1ze,
Well, I go to therapy for an Eating Disorder, so I was thinking about talking to him about getting depression screened or what not.
Thank you, so much for replying. <3
~paula


If you're looking for a sign not to kill yourself tonight, this is it.
"May the odds be ever in your favour"
"A strong person is one who can smile this morning like they weren't crying last night."
Your never alone, I'm always here for you. Shoot me a VM or PM.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Palmolive Offline
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Re: Its going downhill fast..I need some help. Bad. >.< - October 2nd 2012, 08:43 PM



Hey Paula

Firstly, I think its wonderful that you felt able to come to us for some support. I know reaching out to people can be hard and you've done a really brave thing to do so :-)

I'm sorry to hear things are rough for you right now. I know you've been doing really well to keep fighting. I know beating the urges is a hard thing to do but it is possible. You say distractions don't work but I want to encourage you to keep on trying new things because not everything is going to help you - it's about trial and error, okay? Don't stop trying things when you come across some that don't work.

I'm wondering whether you know what has made you feel worse recently? Has anything happened that has triggered these feelings and urges? If there is something and you want to talk to us about it, you're more than welcome to lovely. You know we're here for you and that we won't judge you. We just want to help you get through this.

In respect to the online tests, I wouldn't trust them, don't believe what they say but believe what you feel. The tests shouldn't affect what you do about how you're feeling. You know what's going on and you know how you feel. So on knowing that yourself, get help and support because you know you're struggling and need some extra help right now. Even just talking to a friend or us here might be helpful for you. If it were to continue, I would encourage you to see a school nurse/counsellor or to try and see your doctor.

Cutting isn't helping, you've said that so therefore there is no point in you self harming. When you feel low or upset I think it might be a good idea for you to try and find ways to express yourself, you know? Do some art, sport or do some wiring. Try different things. Remember, you're in control of your actions. The only person who can stop you from hurting yourself, is yourself. Stay focused and determined and set goals. You'll get there.

You're more than welcome to talk to me if you ever need. Keep on smiling girl, you can do this.
Jessie


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Its going downhill fast..I need some help. Bad. >.< - October 2nd 2012, 10:50 PM

Hey Paula.
I'm sorry that you're feeling this way /: it kinda sucks... Do you have any reason as to why you've been depressed? The first way to fix a proble is to determine what the problem is.
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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Its going downhill fast..I need some help. Bad. >.< - October 2nd 2012, 11:01 PM

Hey I think it would be a good idea for you to talk to your counselor about how you have been feeling lately, yes you see him for your eating disorder, but he would be able to get you the help you need. Also, if you are feeling sad to the point of hurting yourself then it would really be good for you to talk to a doctor. I want to say props though on having the courage to admit that there is a problem it takes a lot to be able to do that. Best of luck and stay safe. Feel free to message me






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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
escape♥ Offline
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Re: Its going downhill fast..I need some help. Bad. >.< - October 3rd 2012, 01:35 AM

I don't really know why I haven't been depressed..other than I don't see my boyfriend often but that really shouldn't be bothering me..
I honestly have no clue.
I see my therapist again this Thursday, so I will talk to him about it then.
Thanks to everybody how has been replying, it means a heck of a lot to me. <3

~paula


If you're looking for a sign not to kill yourself tonight, this is it.
"May the odds be ever in your favour"
"A strong person is one who can smile this morning like they weren't crying last night."
Your never alone, I'm always here for you. Shoot me a VM or PM.
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
escape♥ Offline
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Re: Its going downhill fast..I need some help. Bad. >.< - October 3rd 2012, 01:38 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Palmolive View Post
Cutting isn't helping, you've said that so therefore there is no point in you self harming.
Hey Jessie
Well, it helps in the moment. It distracts me for a bit, but then it all comes rushing back. But, I'm still always in emotional pain, so it doesn't really help, you know?
I should probably try expressing myself better.
Thanks again.
~paula


If you're looking for a sign not to kill yourself tonight, this is it.
"May the odds be ever in your favour"
"A strong person is one who can smile this morning like they weren't crying last night."
Your never alone, I'm always here for you. Shoot me a VM or PM.
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
Palmolive Offline
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Re: Its going downhill fast..I need some help. Bad. >.< - October 3rd 2012, 01:57 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by escape♥ View Post
Hey Jessie
Well, it helps in the moment. It distracts me for a bit, but then it all comes rushing back. But, I'm still always in emotional pain, so it doesn't really help, you know?
I should probably try expressing myself better.
Thanks again.
~paula
Hi Paula

I can completely understand that. I'm going through a similar kinda thing right now. Truth is, you've used self harm a lot, to help you cope and manage with negative emotions, thoughts and situations and like you said, it helps in the moment. So when we're in that moment and we're not feeling well in ourselves, its seems logical to self harm, because like we have said, it helps in the moment. And it does, it stops the emotional pain and while some don't understand why you would want that physical pain, we can get so low in life, we'd rather hurt phsyically than emotionally and I can understand that.

I guess, you have to get to a point where you're questioning self harming. 'Is this really the way to deal with things?', 'Do I want to self harm for the rest of my life', and so on. And when we get to that point, we have to make the choice to stop. WE ourselves as individuals have to make the decision. And again, while someone won't understand, making that choice is a biggie. Because we're starting to think about stopping doing something, which really helps us when, to be frank, we get so damn low, we don't know how to cope and sometimes start to experience suicidal thoughts. But, you're here, asking for help and that to me is positive. Even if that's the step where you stay at for now. Its all about moving forward, taking the steps to not self harm any more. But this is a learnt behaviour and things we learn, take time to un-do and that's okay. You can go at your pace.

But you can do this. Yes, find other ways to express yourself, but while it is possible to overcome self harm, don't expect a miracle over night. Its a process and a process takes times. Its going to be hard and its going to be tiring and some days, you're going to want to give in, but if you work hard and stay focused, you'll get there. I know you can beat this.

Keep smiling,
Jessie


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  (#10 (permalink)) Old
escape♥ Offline
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Re: Its going downhill fast..I need some help. Bad. >.< - October 3rd 2012, 02:49 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Palmolive View Post
And it does, it stops the emotional pain and while some don't understand why you would want that physical pain, we can get so low in life, we'd rather hurt phsyically than emotionally and I can understand that.

Because we're starting to think about stopping doing something, which really helps us when, to be frank, we get so damn low, we don't know how to cope and sometimes start to experience suicidal thoughts.
Hi Jessie

I know what you mean. When I try to stop, I don't know how to cope with anything, or distract myself or anything.
I just need to decide to stop, and then just stop. Like that. But it's gonna take a while for me to get there..but my therapist said if I keep cutting as much as I have been he's going to have to tell my parents soon. So I need lessen a bit pretty soon.
Thank you.
~paula


If you're looking for a sign not to kill yourself tonight, this is it.
"May the odds be ever in your favour"
"A strong person is one who can smile this morning like they weren't crying last night."
Your never alone, I'm always here for you. Shoot me a VM or PM.
   
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