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vickyM October 11th 2012 08:52 PM

I don't have any power left
 
My mother is being stalked. It has been 8 or 9 years since she started a little affair with this guy. Then she broke up with him, because he was married and didn't wanted to leave his wife. They have been back together thousand times "because they love each other". The problem is, it's not her decision to be with him again and again. Every time she dumps him, it starts again. First he sends angry text messages, that he will never be with another woman and he loves her so much, that she will never be with another guy "because she still loves him", that she is stupid wh*re and he is going to -solve- everything one day.
Than messages turn into -nice- ones, saying that he loves her and can't be without her. He's leaving flowers behind her car's wiper blades (around 5 o'clock in the morning and then when night comes, so she can't see it). If she doesn't pay visible attention, then he makes unrequested visits at work, telling how great time they had together and that he just signed a divorce papers (he never did that in these 9 years). He's waiting every morning outside our house to take her to work, even if she doesn't want to see him. He's so persistent, that after two weeks she willingly gets up at 4.30 in the morning, just so she can go to work with him at 5.30 and not by her own car at 7.00 or later. She starts cooking bigger meals, so he can come and have a dinner with her, although than he goes home to his wife and daughter. If he makes it to this point within a short period of time (usualy 2 or 3 moths), she gets angry. But she is not angry at him, she is angry at us. Me and my younger brother are getting bullied, because we are the problem why they can't live together in peace. She screams at me every evening, that I'm ungrateful piece of sh*t and should leave so they can finally enjoy their love. This persist for max. 3 months, then she dumps him again, because she finds out that he's using her for his pleasure and is not going to divorce. As I said, this is going on for last 8 or 9 years. I've had anorexia 3 or 4 years back because of this, but got through. For last 2 years, I'm being haunted by suicide thoughts and I'm hurting myself a lot. I can't make it stop (I tried to take medication, but then she found it out and marked me as a psycho in her screaming scenes), and I can't go to police to tell them that my mother is being stalked, because this guy is police boss of our region! I can't even leave, we have nobody else, only our mother, and somebody has to take care of my brother when she's occupied with her lovethoughts.
What should I do with them and myself? I feel very depressed and after so many years with this I'm very tired, unable to do anything, just sitting in my room, wasting time and thinking about suicide. My mom also looks horrible, when she gets up so early every day she gets wrinkles all over her face and dark circles under her eyes, but refuses to admit it. I've already tried to speak to her seriously multiple times, that I feel like this for a long time and thinking about suicide, and everything she said was that if I will kill myself, she will beat me to death (propably thinking how funny it sounds), and that she is not concerned about how I feel because she has her own life with her problems and took care about us when we were little, so it's time for her now, but everything she does is only for her guy, nothing for herself, she's just doing what he wants. I'm really desperate, don't know what to do.


Thanks for any advice

ps.: really sorry for my bad english, I'm not from english speaking country.

Validity October 11th 2012 11:14 PM

Re: I don't have any power left
 
Hey there,
My mum's ex boyfriend did the same. It's the cycle of an emotional abuser, and the only thing your mother should do is get a restraining order or tell him to go home to his wife. She needs to be strong, tell her to write a list of everything she doesn't like about him and to keep them in mind so she doesn't go back to him.

Jay.


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