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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
jstone Offline
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This has to end - October 20th 2012, 10:31 AM

I can't stand this feeling, I've been bouncing back and forth and some days I will be strong, but others I'm beyond weak. I'm sick of walking around with this damn mask on of somebody who can take what the world throws at him. I've been putting off killing myself just trying to find a sliver of hope and there is none. I'm so sick of waking up in fucking panic attacks and my bed being soaked in tears. I'm depressed all day every day, and I can't even find comfort in sleep. I can't go on like this. Obviously I'm just too weak to be part of this horrible world. It has to stop now, it has to. This is going to kill me one way or another and I'd rather it be by my own hand on MY terms, not from withering away to nothing by starving, I can't eat without throwing it all back up. I don't know what a good nights sleep even is anymore.


Here's to you, fill the glass. Cuz the last few nights have kicked my ass.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: This has to end - October 20th 2012, 11:37 AM

Hey man,
this saddens me deeply to see you struggling so much, and, I can honestly say, no matter how bad it all seems, it CAN get better! It WILL get better! It definitely will work out for you mate. But, Suicide is NEVER the answer. It gets easier at times, of course, but in the heart of every storm, it will always blow over. You just need to stay strong, and ride it out.
You could go to a doctor and get pills for the sleeping/anxiety problems and even your depression. But there is always some other way, suicide is never the road you want to take. That road, is more like a deep dark abyss, it resembles depression in a way and all you can do is focus on the good, easier times rather than fixate on the bleak days, weeks, don't jump to suicide mate, it'll only end in pain and that is NO way to die.

Jay.


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Re: This has to end - October 20th 2012, 11:59 AM

I am sorry you feel this way....
Have you talked to a therapist about how you feel?




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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: This has to end - October 20th 2012, 12:38 PM

I've been in and out of therapists offices for years. They've tried medicines, they just make me weirder than I already am. Just last month I put my fist through my bedroom door and fractured a bone in my hand and a piece of the splintered wood tore the top of my hand open. It didn't bother me in the least. I can take physical pain like no other, I have chronic pain anyway. But I truly believe my mind just can't be fixed. Everybody I know stabs me in the back. All I've ever done is be selfless and give, even when it meant that I had to do without. Why do people treat others like this? I've given all I have and then some. I'm tapped out. I fight my urges everyday, but honestly it would not bother me if something were to happen to me outside of my control.


Here's to you, fill the glass. Cuz the last few nights have kicked my ass.
   
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Re: This has to end - October 20th 2012, 01:25 PM

If it's gotten this bad, I suggest you go into a program. It does suck, but really, before you try to kill yourself, you should try everything else. Most people who want to 'die' don't want to die. They just want the pain to stop and believe it or not, it's all under your control...you just don't have the tools for controlling your emotions yet. So, when you say you want to do it on your own terms, what exactly have you thought about?


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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: This has to end - October 20th 2012, 05:32 PM

By my own terms I have thought about my gun. I've been a gun enthusiast since I was small, I know every piece of that thing like the back of my hand. I also know what a hollow point bullet at point blank range can do to a body. I fight so hard not to get there but I'm faltering hard


Here's to you, fill the glass. Cuz the last few nights have kicked my ass.
   
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Re: This has to end - October 21st 2012, 04:23 AM

And then what? Are you leaving any loved ones behind? What about the cost of a funeral? What about after you die. What do you think happens and would you be ready to face it or even worse?


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Re: This has to end - October 21st 2012, 04:19 PM

As bad as it sounds it doesn't bother me about leaving people behind or the mess or the costs of the funeral. I know that is absolutely selfish. But I'm tired of being selfless


Here's to you, fill the glass. Cuz the last few nights have kicked my ass.
   
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Re: This has to end - October 21st 2012, 04:42 PM

Hey,

That's it, suicide is a selfish act and I think when a person is in so much pain, it's sometimes hard to think about what you're doing to the people you're choosing to leave behind and how it could affect them. I know that sometimes you cab get to a point where you have to fight depression for yourself; not for others.

You have to want to find a reason to live and you have to help yourself in this because if you don't, then you won't get anywhere. At the end of the day, happiness is a choice. Sure things we go through can make it hard but at the end of each day, its in our control. You're the only person in control of your actions and thoughts and until you start to act to change your actions and thoughts, no on can help you, not properly. They can support you through it all but its only going to change when you start making changes. If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you always got.

I don't know if anything has happened to you to make you feel so low but I do want you to know that if there is anything, you're always more than welcome to talk to us about it. You're never on your own and we'll always try our best to help you in some way. I know this is hard but I know if you set your mind to it, you can beat this. You honestly can.

Keep your head up,
Jessie


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Re: This has to end - October 21st 2012, 06:05 PM

It's a plethora of things that have happened in a short period of time to trigger this response. Even though I've battled depression for years, without being on medications because they just don't work for me. I've always managed to pull myself up, I just feel like I can't anymore. The best way I can put it is if somebody were to pile weights on my shoulders and keep going I would eventually buckle, regardless of how much willpower I have. Life has dropped a boulder on my back to hold


Here's to you, fill the glass. Cuz the last few nights have kicked my ass.
   
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Re: This has to end - October 21st 2012, 08:13 PM

Keep your head up


It's always nice to know when there is always someone there to help and support you through the thick and thin. It's like a safety net to give you a second chance. I'm here to help anyone if you want to get to know me look at my BIO on my profile maybe you will learn something. Thanks
Eddie M Gomez
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