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Shaytun Offline
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Name: Dariush
Age: 26
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Location: Oregon

Posts: 243
Join Date: April 15th 2010

No one to talk to - December 4th 2012, 05:54 AM

As it goes my base of friends, family, etc evaporated recently. My dad left us. My mom has no interest in me.

This girl, which is why i joined this site even, hurt me the most i guess three years ago (shit im still on this?) Never felt for someone like that before, just to have it all dumped by passivity and...just ever since I've felt increasingly numb. Now I'm at the point where I hate when people try and get close to me, as soon as things get mildly emotional I don't like it. Not that there's anyone major in my life this is affecting.

It's not even her that's getting at me, its just the feeling of our friendship. I don't want her, I want the feeling. But I've changed so god damn much (as i should over so much time)

the minute i find myself with free time everything immediately rushes in. I've got no one to confide in. No extended family (who I could talk to) Now whatever I was doing to busy me has evaporated like the rest. I've made some new friends in college but I don't have anyone that i've "connected with" in any meaning of the phrase. Maybe one, but my numbness and confusion keep me from her.

I hate being numb. I like and dislike the changes brought on. I find I smoke and drink carelessly now.

What do i even do at this point? I've waited what seems to be a lifetime for these feelings to depart. I find I even resent her. She gets to be happy at a nice University away from home with her boyfriend and I'm treading water at home at a community college.

Is it so much to need help?

I am the stone that the builder refused.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
dr2005 Offline
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Name: Dave
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Join Date: February 14th 2010

Re: No one to talk to - December 4th 2012, 01:33 PM

I may be misreading things here, and apologies if I have, but from what I can gather the biggest issue here is that you haven't been able to put what happened with this girl behind you and it's having an undue influence on your life as a result. That isn't to say that it's something which is easy to put behind you - I know from personal experience that it isn't - but what's happened here (and I speak as someone going through a similar issue myself regarding an ex) is that because you have been hurt by this girl in the past and you've not found a way to reconcile it, your brain has been putting up all kinds of barriers to make sure nothing like this ever happens again. That, in short, is why you don't like it when things get mildly emotional and why you've felt increasingly numb - your brain is trying frantically to block these kinds of stimuli because it doesn't want to add to what it's already trying to deal with. That's all understandable - but what it isn't is healthy. As I've found from experience, it makes your personal relationships more shallow, makes it more difficult to connect with people you want to and generally just makes life more you're a spectator rather than someone actively taking part in it. In short, it's not a good way to be.

Problem is, the only way you're going to move through this phase, dismantle those barriers and get to a point in life where you can engage with people more meaningfully is to take what happened with this girl, put it to one side and move on. It's not easy - fact is, it's a pretty shit thing to have to deal with and it's not going to be any less shit once you have. But it's your life, not this girl's, and as long as you let this get to you it's going to stop you taking full control of your future. It doesn't mean you need to brush it off or anything, just go "Okay, that happened, it's not cool, but it's in the past and I'm not going to worry about it anymore" or something like that. Make a conscious break from it. Whatever she does in her life from this point onwards is not something you need to worry about, because you can get just as meaningful connections and relationships with your new friends or people you meet in the future. But in order to do that, you need to put this to bed once and for all, so your brain will take down these barriers and you'll be able to engage more fully with people. It's not the work of a moment - you may find it takes months for it to happen - but it's better than how things are now for you. I say that as someone who's recently realised he's done the same thing the last few years and is now consciously working on it, so rest assured I practise what I preach.

Hope some of that helps and take care.

"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." - Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom

However bleak things seem, however insurmountable the darkness appears, remember that you have worth and nothing can take that away.

Originally Posted by OMFG!You'reActuallySmart! View Post
If you're referring to dr2005's response, it's not complex, however, he has a way with words .
RIP Nick
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