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TheQuietGirl Offline
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I'm slipping, guys. - December 30th 2012, 04:01 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm slipping, and I'm afraid I'm going to fall for good.
Last night, I attempted to kill myself. Unfortunately, I stopped before I took too many pills because I made a promise to myself I'd hold out until the Ed Sheeran concert (the only thing that stopped me from killing myself back in September). So all I ended up with were some breathing problems and an upset stomach.

Nothing is getting better. I'm trying, too. I'm trying to look for the positives in my life and hold onto those. But when there is so little to chose from, it just gets harder and harder.

I don't have friends any more. A group of friends I had completely turned on me, and they now gossip about me (I've heard them do it right in front of me). My best friend completely ditched me, and doesn't care about me any more. All she cares about is her perfect boyfriend and the fact her parents care about her too much (HER words). Another group of friends are slowly turning on me. One posted some blog posts about me, saying how I'm so insensitive and how he wants to throw a phone at my face and I don't understand depression and suicide and cutting, and that my problems aren't real. The other friends bully me for being hurt by my friend because she keeps ditching me, saying it's all my fault she does that and that she gets sad.

My cutting and eating disorder are getting worse and worse. My medical problems are declining extremely fast (I have to get checked for tumours and brain scarring because my doctors have no idea what's wrong with me).

And just emotionally... I'm done. I literally just can't do this any more. I don't feel any emotions except extremely hurt and pain. I try to be happy, I do. I try really hard. But I can't be. I just want to curl up and sleep forever or curl up in cry. I pretty much am fighting back tears every second of every day.

29 January. That is the day I've decided, if nothing improves, I have to end it.But what can I do guys? How can I hang on? I'm really trying.. But I don't think I can any more. Please don't say therapy. It has been *proven* to not work for me.

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Re: I'm slipping, guys. - December 30th 2012, 03:35 PM

Find some hope to hold on, something to look froward to. Like the Ed Sheeran concert, look forward to it. Then after it hold on to the happiness from it. With the thing with friends, try and find new ones. Join a club and meet new people, or look and see if there someone sitting alone at school. When you find a friend, it gets better, find a family member to open up to. And just remember people care. Feel free to message me if you feel down


I wanna be alive well don't you? There's no use in feeling low.
7th March 2013 Met my Heroes Tonight Alive <3
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Re: I'm slipping, guys. - December 30th 2012, 05:12 PM

I feel for you... I've been struggling to survive through my issues for a long time. It does get better, but only when you start looking for answers anywhere. And when I say, "anywhere", I mean absolutely wherever there is a person saying "this is the way" you gotta give it a go, unless it harms you or goes against common sense... !
I have learnt that depression and a negative state of mind, or a state of mind where you want to keep positive but just can't, is a result of faulty health and the bad habit of succumbing to negative thoughts. There are several ways that I have identified and facts which have intrigued me enough to try them:

1. Vegetarianism - it has reduced my anxiety and my depression
2. Green juicing - it perks up my day like a miracle. The miracle of having good health is a peaceful mind. No lie about that.
3. Waking up early = mental health for free.
4. God (not religion) - I have read a lot about getting closer to God, and I have found Buddism and Hinduism to have some pretty inspiring answers.
5. Mantras = a miracle, in its true sense. There's a mantra which is meant to nourish your spirit with positive energy. It was created 10000 years ago when people had a science about how sounds influence us. They have derived words from sounds that have the potential to actually lift your spirit and make you feel warm in your heart (that's how I feel after this mantra). The words are associated with a Hindu god asking for blessing, but honestly, the SOUND of chanting that mantra makes all the difference, not the meaning really. Mantra is "Mahamrityunjaya Mantra" and here is the video that I use regularly www . youtube . com / watch? v= jIgaZ9iZ6Ns (mind the spaces). I repeat the mantra 108 times. You can also read more about it. I'd suggest just try it once, at least 28 times. If you don't feel more positive, then, it's ok, leave it
6. Force to break the habit of negative thinking. I won't ask to fool yourself with empty positive thoughts, just stop all negative thoughts.
7. In Hinduism, the people who have invented yoga and the science of living life in harmony actually have good explanations why people get depressed. It has a lot to do with the good energy that you are able to generate within yourself. A very good person is also a spiritually powerful person. Lots of goodness give lots of power. Goodness should never be weak. Spiritual power heals everything within you. Eventually it should be so much that your face glows of peace and satisfaction. And yes, this is a fact. People who ditch this as nonsense have forgotten how amazing it feels when a person loves you, and the power love gives you. Difference is, you can also generate that power within yourself, and that is a superior achievement than depending on the love of someone else.

Basically, spiritually weak people like to prey on people in need. Think of all the beggars that everybody is disgusted of. I many times wonder why? There should be "help" and "compassion", not disgust! A spiritual society will manifest with compassion.

In conclusion, try to make yourself powerful. Try to bring that spirit out from inside of you and make it manifest in everything you do. Use tools such as love, compassion, gratitude, and yes, mantras, vegetarianism, and so on. Combine that with focus on a path/career in life. Signs of a powerful spirit is when you become prosperous and happy in life, then you know you've unlocked that power within you.

All people have the power to be strong. They just don't know it, and let themselves succumb to habits that weaken them day after day.

God bless you <3 <3 <3
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Re: I'm slipping, guys. - December 30th 2012, 11:31 PM

Hey, feel free to contact me if you'd like. "I know the bottom, I know it with my great tap root. It is what you fear. I have been there"

The neon burns a hole in the night, and the Freon burns a hole in the sky.
You can find my kind living right on the fault line, eyes on the seaside, lives on the B-side, kites on the power lines.
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