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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Thoughts and questions... - January 13th 2013, 11:30 AM

My depression is getting worse than ever before. getting help by someone professionally is the last thing that i want, but it may be the only thing that can keep me safe. people want me to get help. but i deny them for what they want. ive been more withdrawn than usual and been feeling more alone than before. i spend more time staring at a wall than i do talking...

Now that i stopped self harming, i think it is the only thing that will get me through. if not doing it, than the thoughts of doing it. i have been getting ghost pains and is that not just as bad as doing it? i walk around and feel pain, sometimes without a reason. is that not just as bad? so many doubts in my head and questions unanswered. and now, as i stare feeling numb and blank at the darkness in my room... all i can do is stare.
   
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Re: Thoughts and questions... - January 13th 2013, 11:54 AM

Hi, Nara!

I am so sorry you feel this way. I realize things must be really hard right now. I just want you to know that you have to believe in yourself and have faith you'll make it through. Because recovery is possible, I hope it gives you hope to tell you that I have seen recovery. In a very special person I know has been through horrible depression and now here he stands beside me with a smile. Of course life is still hard, doesn't mean it doesn't give you a break sometimes and gets better. It's also about how you look at life and the world. View everything as possible and make sure you know impossible isn't a word, just a reason not to try. I really think you can get through this, of course it's not as simple as a day. It takes time and patience for things to get better.

I realize you may not feel like doing anything but sitting in the dark staring at the wall. But that won't help, trust me. If you feel slightly better, on that day I suggest going out in the sun because the sunlight induces a natural positive chemical in your brain to like... Assist you in recovery to feel happy. Being around natural and getting fresh air can really help. Looking around at nature, the trees and flowers, the sun, can sometimes make you realize life is beautiful. All those things like the trees and flowers is life, you gotta realize that that flower has to have a seed put in the cold and dark ground for it to make it's way up and become so beautiful and full of life. There's light at the top of the tunnel, don't give up.

I got some suggestions on some things to do.
  • Go for a walk
  • Go for a run
  • Go see a movie at the cinema
  • Go out to eat
  • Visit your friends you haven't seen in a bit
  • Write your feelings down in a journal, even if they don't make sense
  • Stay around family and friends or relatives even if you wanna be alone (the company can help sometimes)
  • Draw
  • Paint
  • Watch TV/Movies (happy/comedies)
  • Play games
  • Go biking
  • Take up knitting
  • Do arts and crafts
  • Cuddle a pet, talk to them (they're good listeners)

I know you may not want professional help but suicidal thoughts can be really bad and actually attempting in in the future from the depression is definitely worse. I think that even though you don't want professional help that it's really important to try your best to step out of your comfort zone to help yourself. You have to want to help yourself. Remember that there's no shame in talking to someone, you don't know if it'll help unless you try. Can you talk to friends about it?

May I ask what's got you feeling so horrible? Feel free to PM/VM me if you'd like someone to talk to. I'd love to listen, darling.

Stay Strong <3

~ Christabel
   
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Re: Thoughts and questions... - January 13th 2013, 12:02 PM

Nothing wrong with professional help, especially for a legal adult. You don't have to tell your friends, and your therapist won't say anything unless you tell him/her you plan to commit suicide. There are a few different "schools" of therapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy attempts to identify distortions in your thought process and worldview. I always hated CBT because I have a hyper-rational brain, but it can be good for people often overcome by emotions they don't understand. For me, mindfulness training was the best approach. I found a (male) therapist who made me do most of the talking and taught me Buddhist meditation techniques to identify the source of my distress and ease my pain. The most important thing is being able to talk freely and having a sense of trust with your therapist. It shouldn't feel excessively awkward. I'm always leery of therapists who don't reveal anything about their own personality, like they're better than you or have something to hide.



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Re: Thoughts and questions... - January 13th 2013, 01:10 PM

Thank you both for your responses. The only real friends i talk most openly to are online. As soon as the sun is down i simply sit or lay on my bed and stare and space out. My mum makes me open my blinds during the day to let the sun in. I suppose that helps.

It isnt just that i want professional help. Its also because help is something i struggle with asking for. Personal experiences with health issues of my family, and myself has stopped me from seeking medical advice from a professiobal, or even telling my family issues that concern my health.
   
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Re: Thoughts and questions... - January 13th 2013, 01:17 PM

Hun, everybody requires help at some point and, this may seem a by cryptic to others but hopefully you understand what I'm saying, what your family did and called you shoudn't dictate your ability to get help for something as serious as this. Depression, suicidal thoughts and self harm issues which you are still beating and I'm so proud of you, don't pick it up again hun, stay strong. These are serious, this isn't like a cold which you can pop a pill or down some foul tasting liquid and feel better in a few days. You need to talk things through, possibly see if medications work. But just talking about it with somebody whom isn't bias can help you a lot, it's an outsiders view on your problems and they don't be inclined to take sides, they'll look at it and give you feedback on how to work at it and how to make it better.

Good luck hun,

Jay.


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My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

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Re: Thoughts and questions... - January 13th 2013, 02:12 PM

Thanks jay. I know it shouldnt. But its hard not to. When that happens from basically 5 til, really, still now. Its hard not to let it dictate the way i am. I dont know how long it will take for me to get over it. I am going to keep trying for as long as i can though hun. I really mean it. And sorry if this confuses anyone....
   
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Re: Thoughts and questions... - January 13th 2013, 02:14 PM

Haha, we are just confusing.

I know hun, but from the time we started talking and now you have made some hefty progress and I am SOO proud of you gorgeous!
If you could have grown so much in the space of, what, 4 months now? Then, I doubt you will be trapped within these bonds anymore.

Jay.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
   
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Re: Thoughts and questions... - January 13th 2013, 02:21 PM

Haha yes we are

yeah i suppose so. Still got a long road ahead of me jay. A long, long road.
   
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Re: Thoughts and questions... - January 13th 2013, 02:29 PM

I know hun, but it will get better sooner or later, the road will smooth out and it'll be easier to walk.

Jay.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
   
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