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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
xxprincessxx Offline
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Name: Sammie
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: Ohio

Posts: 488
Join Date: March 7th 2010

the words i'll never say. - February 3rd 2013, 05:55 PM

I hate the feeling of knowing in my head what I need to say and having it sound so perfect, but yet not being able to say it or even write it out because it all gets messed up.

I'm tired of being depressed. I have no motivation to do anything. I'm lucky if I can get out of my bed before lunch (which consequently means that I have missed all my morning classes for the last 1.5 weeks), I don't like being with people (but I hate being alone), I'm occupied with self-destructing thoughts for most of the day. I'm not sure what to do in order to "fix" myself. I don't have insurance at the moment to see a counselor, and there isn't anyone in the remote area that I could see anyways. I'm lost.

I know that it really helps knowing that I have somebody that I can talk to about whatever is going on. But as I said, there aren't any counselors in the area to talk to. My friends don't quite understand and it's just not something they can know about. I have a few professors who know what I have dealt with in the past, but it's another one of those things where I don't feel like I can really approach them on it. I would rather talk to them than my friends for whatever reason though.

I know one big factor that's been occupying my mind recently is the fact that I'm feeling really distanced from my best friend. I feel like every time we start getting close again and have an awesome relationship, he pulls away from me. I don't blame him after what happened over the summer, but he swears that he's over that. But I don't know why I keep feeling distanced then. I know that I also tend to overreact to things like this, and that is what could be happening right now.. so it's like there's a war going on inside of me between wanting to bring it up to him and ask him and not because I'm probably being stupid. I know that it bothers and annoys him when I do this, so that's a big reason I don't want to ask, because I'd hate to bring something up and cause a huge fight.

I'm really just not sure at all what to do. I don't want to keep living this way, but I only see one way out...

all i want is a place to call my own and
mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone,
you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low.

  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Reign. Offline
Just Hold On We're Going Home~
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Name: Kay
Gender: Female
Location: IRAW ;)

Posts: 405
Blog Entries: 13
Join Date: July 2nd 2012

Re: the words i'll never say. - February 4th 2013, 12:52 AM

Hey Sammie, I am so sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch.

I understand though.
The depression.
The self-destructive thoughts.
The constant affliction.

I get it.
It sucks.
I have the same issues with dragging out of bed, not having any motivation to do anything.
Not having fun doing things you used to enjoy.
It sucks the life out of you, literally.
And at the end of the day, you're just always mentally and physically worn down.
Depression is a life-long everyday battle.
You may have lost the battle, but you can win the war.
Take it from someone whose attempted twice - You don't want to go down that road.
It's long and dark and deep.
Don't hurt yourself either, because once you start, you don't stop.
Try to stay positive.
Stay positive about yourself too.
Think happy thoughts.
Try and do your best every day and make it a point to do something.

Now, about your friend.
I'm not sure what you should do, but the way I look at it is, he shouldn't get upset with you if you're needed to get something off your chest so you can make your peace with it.
He shouldn't be bothered by that.
But since he is, then.. Well. I don't think that's a real 'best' friend.

Just my opinion though.

I get the overreacting thing too.
Us girls tend to do that,
but people should just learn to live with it and get over themselves.
People are the way they are, and that's that.

I hope I helped, and I hope you feel better.

Feel free to PM/VM me anytime, okay?


So dance if it moves you,
and jump in the fire, if it burns you.
I'll throw my arms around you darlin',
and we'll turn to ashes.

Kinda like the way you tell me,
"Baby, please come home. I need you here right now.
I'm crying underwater so you don't hear the sound."

What if I can't forget you?
I'll burn your name into my throat.
I'll be the fire that'll catch you.
What's so good about picking up the pieces?

Last edited by Reign.; February 4th 2013 at 12:57 AM. Reason: Wanted to add more to my reply.
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