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Nitro Offline
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I'm lacking motivation to go to school and no one is there to force me to go. - February 6th 2013, 08:02 PM

I'm so overwhelmed by so many things that make me sad. No, I don't plan on killing myself or anything but I'm not doing anything positive to change my life.
I am lazy, I hate going to school, I still have 3 semesters till I finish High School. I hate going to school because I have to wake up early and because of some people, I actually enjoy learning some things, I hate 90% of my colleagues, I'm everyone's friend and I'm not bullied by no one, but I just hate their idiotic mentality.
However I also suck at many things. I need something to look forward to in order to be able to wake up, my dad lives somewhere else (and living with him is not an option) and I just live with my mother which doesn't support me or make me do things at all so I never got used to ideas like "Get good grades or you're grounded" or even having to go home at a certain hour. You could say I'm alone on this.

I always find some sort of parallel universe to fuck my life up, 3 years ago I dropped out one year of school and I basically was on my PC 10-15 hours a day.
Two years ago I started drinking more than the usual teenager and lost many days of school too because I just couldn't wake up in the morning, but I barely passed the year.
A year ago I got into drugs quite badly and had a ton of trouble at school because I missed a lot of days too, there were just some long nights where I got so high that I couldn't sleep, even if I wanted to and going to school high was not an option. But I passed the year.
Now I'm pretty okay, I still drink, but just in the weekends like most people and I'm getting bored of that too. I'm getting tired of this whole "I want to know everyone" way to think and I no longer see why it is so fun to go out with people, I feel that everything and everyone get kind of predictable and it's more of a way to burn time than to have a blast, although you have one. Being at home and just procrastinating is easier than having to go out. I start to feel to lazy to answer the phone when a friend calls me but I already know what he wants: He wants me to go with him to eat or drink something. And It's not that I don't enjoy that but it represents too much of an effort and expense to do it without me wanting to.
I don't do drugs anymore or super rarely and I haven't smoked cigarettes since December. I think I was lucky enough not to get addicted to anything like a friend of mine which just HAS to go out just to smoke the cigarettes he couldn't smoke at home.

However now that I got bored of people I'm starting to get into my "too much time using my PC" problem. School started 4 Weeks ago and I didn't go the first week, then I went the whole next week and then I stopped going on the 3rd week on Wednesday, So I haven't been to school for a week, I will go tomorrow.
I've been really sick this whole time, but I think I'm also using this as an excuse to be lazy, many people go and feel obligated to go and I just judge my little problems and decide not to go because of them.

If it was up to my way to irresponsibly think, or rather not think I'd stay at home forever and Live on my parent's money. But I do want to go to college and learn to do something I like but I am just too lazy to make that effort even to pass the final High School Exams, which I have to. I really want to find something that is interesting to me, I like being productive and I've been that way in the past, however this whole High school speedbump is a problem to me.

I also feel alone and that's why I'm also tired of people, because I use to be the one that invests more in the friendship than the other person and then I suddenly got sick of people generally speaking, I need to learn how to be alone. Or not depending on friends all the time like I do. I depend on them and they don't depend on me.

How can I get motivated and responsible?
   
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Collies R Us Offline
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Re: I'm lacking motivation to go to school and no one is there to force me to go. - February 18th 2013, 12:30 AM

Find something you love doing or learning. Search for it. When you find a passion for something it should motivate you to try. Just search.

And maybe if you need a wake up...Realize that your Mom can't have you living in her house all your life and one day, you'll have to be on your own. And when you're on your own, you have to work. If you don't work, you don't eat.
Good luck my friend. I hope you find your passion.
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"Be strong and bold; have no fear or dread of them, because it is the LORD your God who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you." (Deut. 31:6 NRSV of the Bible)
   
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