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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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xxprincessxx Offline
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Done. - February 17th 2013, 08:07 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

sometimes life is hard, but it's supposed to get better, right? i just feel like everything is spiraling out of control and instead of getting better it's only getting worse.

i feel like i've lost one of my closest friends, and it was quite effortless. maybe he doesn't realize that his actions hurt me, and it's my fault for not sticking up for how i'm feeling but he's killing me. and he's always with his girlfriend, i can't get a moment with just him in order to tell him. then if i text him how i feel, he doesn't respond, but his gf will text me saying "just because you feel bad, doesn't mean you should take it out on him." i'm always the bad guy, it's never "well, maybe i could pay more attention to her," or "i could ask her how her day's going," etc. I realize my depression could be giving me perception issues with just thinking nobody cares..but I don't know.

I hate being the girl that seems to have everything put together. I smile when I'm with my "friends," but I always end up going back to my dorm and sobbing. I walk around with a smile on my face, I greet everybody, I look like I'm involved. But I'm so empty and broken inside. I really have no support group, the friends I feel like I can talk to, don't make time for me to talk to them, and honestly, anybody else just says "oh, I'm sorry."

I'm sorry too. I'm sorry that I can't overcome this, I'm sorry I can't feel like a normal person. I'm sorry that I always feel like shit, everyday. I'm sorry that I'm such a good performer that the people who do know that I suffer with depression, think that I'm doing better.

What's the point of being here if nobody wants me around, or at the least if the people I want around, don't want me. What's the point if I can never have somebody to lean on when I'm having a bad day. What's the point whenever nothing helps. There isn't any point, I quit. I give up. My life is over.


all i want is a place to call my own and
mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone,
woah,
you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low.

<3
   
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Thereishope Offline
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Re: Done. - February 17th 2013, 10:59 PM

Hey there! I'm sorry that things are rough for you. I know how it is to deal with depression, etc. It can suck bad, but you can get through it. Don't give up. If you ever wanna talk about anything feel free to pm/vm me anytime!
   
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Re: Done. - February 17th 2013, 11:09 PM

I think I've lived through this too, oddly enough.

I had friends that had better friends to hang out with. I was always the one they tolerated, allowing me to be with them. No person really knows all of me. I kept all of my thoughts and emotions to myself, and I hardly ever spoke, so no one hardly knew me.

They knew me as the kind quiet smart girl, but that was it. The people who didn't know me at all probably thought I was snobby because I didn't talk to them. I look back on those days and sigh.

But during those days I was blissfully unaware of my situation. It was only until years later, when I had found a very good friend, that I realized I was, in a way, friendless. And in hindsight, I also realize if I had found that out and felt the biting alone-ness, I would have eventually killed myself.

I would have killed myself if I had not found Jesus.

Don't stop reading just because I mentioned God. Keep going. There's a reason we met today. I know it.

So I found God. And I do have better friends. All that inner self-rejection I had bottled up vanished overtime. God is the best counselor. Seriously. I feel so much better. For example, I had this anxiety issue where I would worry about SO MANY THINGS, but most of the time I was worried about dying. Thought it would be an endless blackhole or something. (Heaven and Hell did not exist to me for a very long time back then.) But now that's all cleared up and I don't have any reason to worry. It's amazing.

I don't know if you know God, but whether you do or don't, I urge you to pray to Him. He does hear those that call Him. I have seen miracles. I have felt miracles.
Ask Him into your life. When He's in your life He fixes you, from the inside out.
Good luck. God bless.
-Collies R Us


"Be strong and bold; have no fear or dread of them, because it is the LORD your God who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you." (Deut. 31:6 NRSV of the Bible)
   
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xxprincessxx Offline
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Re: Done. - February 19th 2013, 03:37 PM

I really don't think that I can even manage to get through today. -.-


all i want is a place to call my own and
mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone,
woah,
you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low.

<3
   
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