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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
xxprincessxx Offline
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Name: Sammie
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: Ohio

Posts: 488
Join Date: March 7th 2010

and maybe this is the end. - March 1st 2013, 06:36 PM

have you ever had those moments where you were completely numb? but it's not the comfortable numb, it's the numb where you're just completely done with everything. that's how i feel now, and most days, honestly. if not that, i feel horribly depressed and like there isn't any way out...there's maybe a good day here and there, but there so far away from each other...

I'm seriously about to flunk out of college. That would be the absolute worst thing that could happen to me. This has honestly been what's kept me going for the past three years. Knowing that at the end of it, I would have a degree, a chance at an amazing job, and an escape. I could get away from all of the drama that I had to face my whole life, I could start new. I could do it by myself. But my depression and these thoughts refuse to stop plaguing me. I can't get out it, it drags me to the point to where I don't go to class, because I don't care. It's not like I can I still pass most of my classes.

If that's gone, my small support system is gone as well. All of my friends are either gone or here. The people who have my back are here. If I don't have them, I'm screwed.

I threw it all away because I can't let anything go. I can't change. I've tried so many times to reach out for help, but I'm to afraid of it. I honestly cannot make myself talk to anybody.

I've ruined my life.
Completely ruined it.
It's over.
There's really only one thing left to do.

all i want is a place to call my own and
mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone,
you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low.

  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Collies R Us Offline
Proverbs 30:5-6
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Name: Ally
Gender: Female
Location: USA

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Join Date: February 18th 2012

Re: and maybe this is the end. - March 2nd 2013, 12:12 AM

Don't think like that. You can seek help; you just talked to someone on this very website about getting help, in this post. You CAN do this.
Please do this. Get help. Find someone who will listen or I'm afraid about what you may do. The "one thing left to do"... Please, don't let it be suicide. Life is too beautiful to throw away.
Just go outdoors and listen to the birds, singing their hearts out. Watch the squirrels, busily working, chattering giddily. Look up at the trees, whispering their secrets and pasts, swaying and dancing in the wind, still living, reaching towards the sun always, even in the rainy days.
Nature speaks stories. So do a baby's laugh and a child's careless song. The elderly will vocally tell you their stories, their wisdom. Listen to life. What does it say to you? It's a different story for many. For me, I hear God. For you, I don't know. Listen. Life is too good to give up. You aren't alone. All things living are living beside you.
- Collies R Us

"Be strong and bold; have no fear or dread of them, because it is the LORD your God who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you." (Deut. 31:6 NRSV of the Bible)
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Re: and maybe this is the end. - March 2nd 2013, 05:52 AM

Sorry you're struggling, Sammi... I have felt numb, like I'm done with everything. I understand how you feel but in my experience, things did get better. Of course things aren't perfect, I still feel sad sometimes but now I feel better.

Can you get your friends there to help you with your homework? It could be a way of forcing yourself into finally talking to someone about how you're feeling. You could ask if they could help you before you flunk out, then you could tell them you can't get anything done because you're feeling so bad.

By the way, Ally is right. Life is too beautiful to throw away.

Keep fighting, things do get better.
Stay Strong <3
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