What runs through my head

[zTaylaHz]

TRIGGERING for what I'm not sure, but there's things that people could get upset about. Sorry for forgetting the prefix when I posted P;

(title) plus a few other things that I can think of right now.


-I care a lot about people I get to be friends with. I make it fairly obvious when I don't like someone.

-deep down I think I'm pretty but I'm scared to really think so because I don't want to seem full of myself.

-I love compliments. You have no idea how much better it makes my day when I get a compliment because I actually don't get them very often P:

-I don't tell secrets. I love when people confide in me and I don't want to lose their trust. That means the world to me. Also I'm extremely nosy and like to know what's going on in people's lives.

-I am a listener. I listen to people talk and groups and may laugh sometimes. I don't really like talking in a group because I don't want to offend anyone or say the wrong thing. But when it's one on one and I'm comfortable with you, it's hard to shut me up.

-I have a very low self esteem and am a "floor mat" I let people walk all over me because I want them happy even if that makes me miserable. Friends come above me.

-I have to have the blame go to someone for everything. So it tears me up when I'm not sure if I was wrong for thinking my friend was pregnant, or if she was wrong for dumping me.

-I think I'm a good photographer, but then I look at how few likes my pictures get and I start thinking that maybe I suck..

-I have to get As. It's so crucial to me and it stresses me out to no end with where my grades are right now.

-I feel like I annoy everyone because so few people text me first.

-I wish I was better at Call of Duty

-I wish my computer let me play World of Warcraft. I could play that for hours and not get bored

-I cut because I hate myself. I cut because I hate crying. I cut because I feel terrible after masturbating (awkward, sorry). I cut because I think I deserve it. I cut because I keep hoping that maybe one day everything will be ok and someone will step up and tell me to stop in just the right way. I cut because maybe I'll feel better after. I cut because I want to know people care. I cut because I lost everything and I'm scared. I cut for so many more reasons..

-I want to be skinnier and have a flatter stomach without the work

-I'm super self conscious about how I look and act

-I kinda wish I could talk to Jackson more cause there's this glimpse of a chance with him, but I don't want to seem.....clingy or weird or anything

-I am a better person when I have a boyfriend

-I sometimes wonder if I suffer from depression

-I can't wait to get out of this apartment

-I don't like going to church because I feel so guilty and feel like they don't really want me there

-I miss wasatch and knowing people there and Heber...

-sometimes I love hunter with all of my heart and miss him so much it hurts, sometimes he hurts me almost to breaking, but right before I break, he sucks me right back in as soon as he calls me sweetie.

-I wish someone would take me out on a date. I think it's really pathetic I've been on a date with only two different guys. One being hunter, the other Michael.

-I'm super jealous and sometimes get really angry that some people's long distance relationships work out better than my own..

-I wish I could hang out with people, but it honestly scares me to death of having to tell my parents who and where and when and why and what not.

-I'm tired of this politically correctness.... It's dumb

-my iPod is almost dead.

-I feel a little better typing this out but still kinda wanna cut

-I wonder what people honestly think about me. The good bad beautiful and ugly.

-I think I can be really sweet, but I don't think a lot of people see that and think I'm a bitch because I'm too sarcastic sometimes and because I've been so moody since I moved here...

-I'm a little worried about wearing shorts tomorrow because I don't know what people will think..

-I want to feel loved and be cuddled and kissed.. I don't want to get yelled at..



So there's my long rant about me that I don't think anyone really knew..[/size][/font]

[Collies R Us]

That took a lotta guts...well, I would for me anyway.
I can relate to some of what you said. Very true.
- Collies R Us

Would take a lot of guts for me too! Wow, Taylor. I'm glad you were able to get all of this out and express yourself. Writing it out is a healthy form of expressing yourself. Just so you'll know, I'm here for you and I honestly think you're an awesome person! Things will get better.

Stay Strong <3

[zTaylaHz]

I actually wrote this for a friend of mine, and then ended up sending it to two other people and then posting it here on TH (:
But it was nice to get it all out there and say how I really feel about a few things

Well I'm happy you were able to get it out.

[zTaylaHz]

I finally told someone about my strongest suicide thought too today.

That's really brave of you, Taylor. I'm proud of you.