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Unhappy Maybe one day - April 12th 2013, 04:15 PM

i don't think i want to kill myself anymore...i mean i'm not 100 % but im slowly not wanting to. i can't stop self harming tho and i don't think i will, i thought about telling someone and i went to but the right words just didn't come out and i don't think i'm ready to tell someone least of all my dad, i saw how angry he got when my mum tried to kill herself , saying that he doesn't care and he washes his hands of her ( she's done it twice before ) i dont want him to think that about me. The rest of my family just ignores me like i'm nothing which i am but i just want someone to notice that i'm not ok.
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Re: Maybe one day - April 12th 2013, 05:23 PM

Hi there,

I am really sorry to hear that your mum has struggled in the past. My mum too, has struggled with depression and has attempted suicide and I can some what relate to how that must have felt for you. I'm also sorry that your dad doesn't seem to be able to understand at all or relate to you or your mum in any way. I think it can sometime be hard for some people and I understand that having support from your parents and family would be really lovely and would mean a lot to you, but at the same time, I don't want you to not get any support because of that.

There are other people who you can tun to for support. Who? A friend, a family friend, a friends parent, a teacher, a school counselor, a school nurse, a teacher and your doctor. All of these people are there for you. They all love and care about you and they'll be wanting to help you but they can only do that if they know what is going on for you. If you don't tell anyone about how you are feeling or what you are thinking, then they can't help you through it. And these people would rather you talk to them and let them in, than you not talk to them and go through this alone. I remember when I had no support, it was horrible. I had never in my life felt so alone and I was so scared and lost and I didn't know who to turn to. I ended up getting support from a friend who was really worried about me and ended up talking to a teacher and it went from there. Having that support in place can really help - you don't have to suffer in silence my dear.

I'm glad that you're more on the side of not wanting to kill yourself. I think that's really positive. I'm assuming from the way you talk that you do sometimes have the thoughts though, am I right? Just remember that you have your whole life ahead of you an that if you work hard for it and set your mind to things, you can do anything that you want to do and be anyone you want to be. Your life is your life. Make it what you want it to be and god as far as you want to be. I'm not saying it's going to be easy. It may well just be the hardest thing you ever have to do, but it will be damn worth it when you get there. Could you maybe create your own list of reasons to live as well? Make a big poster and write all the reasons you can think off - persons reasons, ones that mean something to you - and then decorate how you like and stick it up on your wall so you can see it when you're struggling.

You can do the same idea for self harm too. The list of reasons and create the poster. I know beating the urges to self harm isn't easy and I completely understand that but you can beat them. You are the person choosing to do them and that means that you are the only person who can stop yourself from self harming. No, it isn't going to be easy, but it is possible and with help and support, it will be even easier. It's going to be along fight for recovery and you're going to have lapses along the way. You will fall but you will also get back up, okay? You have the strength inside you, you just need to find it and pull it out. Believe in yourself.

Now, don't be alone, alright? Talk to people and have support. You deserve it, you deserve happiness and you'll get there.

Take good care of yourself,

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Re: Maybe one day - April 13th 2013, 01:37 AM

Hey, Courtney.

Jessie gave some amazing advice, I recommend doing what she suggested.

I am really really sorry to hear about your mom, sweetie. My mom struggles with severe depression as well but she's never attempted suicide so I cannot imagine what you're going through. Sometimes when people react in the way that your dad did, it can mean that they don't understand the reasons behind the suicide attempt or they just really love that person and this is the only way they know how to express their feelings. Through anger and detachment because it hurts so bad. Just my thoughts. Although, your mom deserves some support as well as you. So it's really not fair. Do you think you could tell your mom how you're feeling so that you two can go through this together and encourage each other? That way neither of you would be so alone and since you're both going through the same things you'd be able to relate to each other. You guys could write notes if it's all too hard verbally.

The fact that you don't wanna commit suicide anymore is extremely positive and I'm really happy to hear that, Courtney. That's huge. Keep pushing yourself towards not wanting to because you're going in the right direction now. And that person you've been trying to talk to, keep trying, okay? That's really brave that you tried in the first place, I'm so proud of you. So keep that up.

Sweetie, self-harm is a pretty difficult habit to just stop since it's pretty addictive and becomes a coping mechanism. I think the best thing you could do is keep trying alternatives, different things like the Paper Stars, Butterfly Project, things like that. It takes awhile and recovery from self-harm is hard at times, but it's eventually possible and it gets so much easier than you can imagine. You just have to keep trying, keep fighting. It's worth it, darling. You don't deserve to have to hurt yourself, not one bit.

Things get better. You're so strong for overcoming these thoughts. You're such an amazing girl, Courtney. I know you can do this, sweetie.

Stay Strong <3
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