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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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marvelous123 Offline
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Name: Mila
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Location: Canada

Posts: 97
Join Date: April 3rd 2013

it's like a brick wall...I can't see a future for myself...? - April 16th 2013, 07:45 AM

Right now, especially when i get really stressed and depressed, I feel like I hit a brick wall. it feels like I have no future, that no one cares enough for me. ANd then I think so why should I be doing my schoolwork, eating to stay alive, etc? I just stop seeing the point in everyday things, and its kind of scaring me. I want a life,I want a happy future, but I feel like thats not possible and I can't imagine a future for myself at all, which freaks me out. And then I get really depressed, have a panic attack about it, and say things while I'm practically hyperventilating like "Whats the point of me being alive? no one cares about me and I'm alone". There are times when I do reach for a bottle of pills, but Ive stopped myself many times from getting to that point. but I did it once a few weeks ago.
ANyways, my point is about the future thing. i can't see myself ever getting to live a happy, normal life. And that's all I want. i get really heartbroken when i'm walking around and I see happy couples, happy families, happy kids just running around together. I feel like I never had any of that, or never will. Even though one of the main things I want more than anything is to be a happy, with close friends who care, and someone who loves me no matter what. But it seems like a completely fantasy that will never happen :/

I think I'm rambling again..im sorry. But if you have any advice, please feel free.
   
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Re: it's like a brick wall...I can't see a future for myself...? - April 16th 2013, 11:59 AM

Hi, Mila!

I'm sorry about how you're feeling. I can relate in lots of ways. I've thought about a future for myself but it all feels like it'd just be a fantasy instead. I understand that. Honestly, I don't think that life in the future is gonna be all butterflies and rainbows for anyone, but the future will be a lot better than it is right now. You will eventually find someone who really loves you if you keep your heart open and let people in. Which will lead to children, marriage, happiness. You two could get through the tough times together and be there for each other. I think what you're going through in life right now is worth it for the future, wouldn't you say? Love, being able to have children and create life. That's why suicide isn't the answer to anything. It's not worth it. It never is. Living it worth it, flush those pills. When your special one says "I Do" and kisses you, when you hold your child for the first time and that little person grabs your hand and smiles at you, you'll be thankful you flushed those pills and never went through with suicide.

Somehow, my point of view is that what we all go through in our lives before we meet that special person shapes us, makes us stronger and perfect for that person to love you more. You each have been through a lot, you have a lot of experience and helpful advice/insight and always have something to talk about. You'd both be more understanding, caring and careful in bad situations.

About the suicidal thoughts and these feelings in general, could you speak to someone like your parents, friends, siblings, relatives, anyone like that? A therapist? Having someone to talk to and being able to share your feelings/concerns about everything could really help you feel a little better and get some things off your chest. If you want, you could write it in a note to someone. Maybe you could meet some new people and try making new friends, get interested in something new, try some new hobbies or even go back to doing things you used to enjoy?

I know things are so hard for you right now, but you can't give up on this hope. Alright? There's someone out there for you who would love to be with you for the rest of their life. Don't give up. I'm here if you need someone to talk to by the way. You can do this.

Stay Strong <3
   
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