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bunni_54 Offline
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Name: Breanne
Age: 24
Gender: Female

Posts: 3
Join Date: April 25th 2013

Troubles of a Psychopaths Ex... - April 25th 2013, 07:42 AM

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So this is going to be long.. But.. I really need some advice here, or at least someone to listen. I've been depressed for the past 6 years and suddenly it has taken a turn for the worst. All through my life my friends have all been depressed and suicidal, I've been stressed and worried about it since the 7th grade. But that's not my concern as of this time. This started sometime back in October. My ex went to jail and I was brought into a lot of the police situations (he's a psychopath, by literal definition). While he was in there I found out he cheated on me, he was my first boyfriend, first kiss, first sexual relations, first love. After I found out this I went out with another guy, we.. Well... We slept together. And soon after broke up and got into a fight, we haven't talked since. But after he got out of jail my ex and I started getting close again. We were the best of friends.. One of those friends that only comes along once in a life time. But on January first of this year, everything went to hell. I had told someone about some personal stuff between me and him and he found out about it. Well... He posted sexual things about me all over his facebook and made his 1500 friends think I'm a whore. He deleted me and told me multiple different ways he wanted me to die. I've been heartbroken ever since. And since then I've just been feeling guilty and regretful, to the point it eats at my thoughts and stomach badly. My marks in school are failing and I sleep all day. And to top it all off... I slept with a close friend a couple weeks ago, please don't judge it just happened. Family issues are arising also as we might be losing the house soon. Overall I hate myself and just feel disgusted of myself. I feel lonely and depressed all the time and I don't know what to do... Every time I try to fix something it doesn't help. My mom is bringing me to counseling soon because this has been scaring me. I should also mention that I get very bad compulsive thoughts that make me think about horrible disturbing things without control. I have dermatillomania, anxiety and I'm very alone. I'm not going to go through the details of my depression as I almost have every symptom of it, sometimes even suicidal thoughts which I try to not have. But what topped it all of tonight is that a person who I thought was my friend told me they weren't my friend anymore because they think I'm a whore. And that everyone else is right about me... I can't even look in the mirror. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've been losing everyone important to me and I'm on the edge of failing my final semester in highschool... If you've made it to the end of this, can anyone suggest anything? I don't know what to do... I didn't give full details of everything going on just the major ones.
   
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Re: Troubles of a Psychopaths Ex... - April 26th 2013, 01:00 AM

Hi, Breanne!

Wow, I see you're dealing with so much. I'm really sorry about everything going on, I can understand why it's bringing you down so much. And I'm so sorry about your boyfriend, that's a really upsetting situation, all of it. I think you should break up with him for sure, and make it clear you're broken up because he's the source of a lot of these problems. Is it worth it if he can just freak out and post a bunch of stuff on FaceBook like that? I'm really sorry, I know it hurts a lot, hun, especially being your first love but you don't deserve this, you really don't. Suggest therapy for him so he can get help and go his separate ways? As for your friend that said they weren't friends with you anymore, can you explain that your boyfriend posted all that on FaceBook to get at you?

I think counseling is a great idea and it could really help you get past all these problems. The compulsive thoughts I can relate to. It's a symptom of OCD and it's Intrusive Thoughts. But just so you'll know, you aren't alone, okay? There's a lot of us here that could probably relate to you and help you out. I also think it'd be a good idea to talk about your feelings with your mom so you'll have someone to talk to. You can write your feelings in a journal and write poems as well. Those are helpful coping mechanisms. As for now, try to set little goals such as cleaning your room a bit, then you'll feel better after you do so, then try to do some school-work to get your grades up which is important. Then afterwards, have something you enjoy doing waiting as a reward for doing your school work. Reward systems can help.

In the meantime, there's not much to do about the house except waiting and seeing but I know it's stressful for you. So when you're not doing homework, do something you enjoy. Listen to music, play games, watch tv/movies, go for walks or even take up new hobbies. Having something fun to look forward to each day will make you a little happier.

Hope I helped a bit. I'm here if you need someone to talk to. Always remember things DO get better. They seem so bad right now but after you get through this, you'll be so much stronger and better for it. You're a strong and amazing person, don't forget it.

Stay Strong <3
   
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