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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Not_here Offline
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bored out of my mind - April 15th 2015, 12:27 PM

Part of why I'm depressed is because of how bored I am with everything in my life. Okay this might fit in depression forum but I hate posting in the same place twice But move it if needed. I also don't know the exact direction I'm taking my rant into.

Today class was cancelled and besides homework for tomorrow and procrastinating on that homework by going on the internet I don't have much to do. I'm going to stay home all day. Just like on my birthday. Maybe I'm a very boring person, but I'm really stuck.

Everything costs money. Even a train ride. It takes so much effort because then I have to plan this whole thing where someone comes with me to the station, I swipe the card and give it to them to use in 15 minutes (unlimited passes work every 15 minutes) I'm also going to feel guilty that is have to pay for a ride home that is not necessary. Either my family will tell me because it isnt school or work that it is wrong to go outside and pay. Or I'll remember the million times they've said that and guilt myself out of going. But I have to tell them because I would need one of them to swipe me. I should have not told them I don't have class today and then I won't have any questions asked. But I wanted to try the whole sleeping in thing which got boring anyway.

Even if I did go on an urban adventure thing, I'd be choosing a random train stop. Walking around that neighborhood and then going home but after that I'm going to be bored.

This is why I procrastinated so much as a kid until now. I was afraid of boredom. I preferred multitasking and having many things to think about. So by leaving things the last minute, it would excite me. And layer on it formed into huge anxiety to get things done. Well I don't actually fully understand it but yeah. I do think I lack enough engaging things. It is almost like I can't tolerate boring things until I've done something engaging.

I don't want to do little things either like reading, writing, taking a walk. That's not something I want my whole day to be about. I want to do something meaningful and having a point and something engaging and /or challenging and or inspiring.

I prefer something not with watching a film, or internet stuff or reading. Or exercising. I can do those things on the side. And as much as I enjoy volunteering, I can't do that spontaneously.

I don't have friends or family to hang out with. My dad is going to work and he doesn't care about spending time with me because he never invites me on walks but does invite my sisters. Maybe he thinks my energy is too restless and nervous which is true.

I have no money to spend. There's so much stress here about money that I will feel guilty spending anything I don't truly need.

I would like to spend time with a child but I don't know any children who is close. The daycare kids aged out and I may not see them again. Unless we see each other on the streets and they recognize me. Probably not, they're too young.

Even babysitting is so hard around here. They want you to speak a second language fluently. They want you to have a college degree in psychology or child development or childhood education and they want you to be able to drive and have a car and be perfect.
I think the only thing that makes sense to ask for is knowing basic first aid and/or CPR. But I can't afford those trainings anyway.

I can't sell anything online because my dad and sister did this whole huge thing and needs to figure it out and then they will be the store owners and I won't be allowed to use my address unless I choose a site that they haven't.

Please help?

Last edited by arepo; April 15th 2015 at 09:17 PM. Reason: Moving this to Depression and Suicide forum where I think you'll receive better advice. :)
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Re: bored out of my mind - April 17th 2015, 05:58 AM

Boredom can definitely worsen depression and it sucks not having anything to do. Is there possibly a part-time job somewhere nearby you could look into getting? Not all jobs require advanced education and it could accomplish two things in giving you something to do as well as providing you with money of your own.

If a job is not an option, how about a club or a recreational league of some sort in your community - perhaps something geared toward an interest you have? It may be a way to meet like-minded people and make friends.

In any case, I wish you well and hope you find something that makes you happy soon.
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Re: bored out of my mind - April 19th 2015, 12:43 AM

Haha you actually reminded me that I do have a part time job I forgot because it is a work study on my university's campus but I do get paid. However it is not much and I end up saving it till I need it for an emergency. Ex: we had a few family housing crisis over the last few years and I used up all the financial aid money that was left over as well as the money I made last summer. This year I'm using the money to pay for summer classes because financial aid never pays for summer courses. They only pay for the 2 main semesters (fall and spring) but I need to take summer classes in order to catch upand graduate on time. If I don't graduate in 4 years I won't get financial aid.
So I actually do have a part time job and it would stress me out too much to work more hours than I do besides being a full time student. I'm not sure I'm bored because I have nothing to do. I think I'm bored because there's a lack of variety but on weekends I'm I technically get to schedule my day hoebi want to from start to finish but it usually doesn't turn out good. Today was reasonable so I won't complain but I'm generally bored which fuels my tendency for depression
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Re: bored out of my mind - April 19th 2015, 01:44 AM

Hey, its okay to splurge at least once a month on something fun if you are saving money. I totally understand the whole boredom thing and procrastinating as i do the same thing. May I suggest maybe going to a museum or even an amusement park. If you want things that will make you think try museums to get your brain learning and that could be a days event. I'm not sure what would be around you, but look up stuff to do that you may enjoy like concerts or fairs. Boredom can be a drag, but it is also healthy for your brain to regenerate pursay. I hope you do find something you can enjoy feel free to pm me if you want to rant I'm always open to a chat

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Iím catching stars in the sky because I am fixing the soul within me. May it be from the heart a girl broke years ago or my soul simply repairing itself as it was shattered on my walk on this earth. May the stardust fill those cracks within my soul making me brand new, but never forgetting who I once was.

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Re: bored out of my mind - April 20th 2015, 12:27 PM

Museums are not horrible but I dislike them usually. But this did give me the idea to go to an abandoned house to explore. I do like old dusty things but not when they're polished and put out on display in neat rows
Amusement parks are cool if there isn't too much nonsense. Like random staff members dressed up in costumes well now I'm being picky.

I guess whatever I do I will be bored before and after. It is as though theres no rhythm to my day. I wake up and I'm tense but also tired/lacking energy yet I'm bored with low energy things. I either end up sleeping or doing stuff I have to do like school responsibilities and chores. Part of it is not having a good sense of self direction when it comes to things I do for personal enjoyment. Somehow I do many things wrong when it comes to that. When I'm not being told what to do and I want to engage myself on my own. Even though I'm somewhat of an introvert. Which is highly confusing because I don't have the typical skills of one.
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