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slowly_fading Offline
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Small bump in the road - April 22nd 2015, 10:16 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So I'm back again. It sucks having to write here because it means I'm not doing so hot but oh well... Needing a little positive thoughts and motivation.
I have not self harmed in 64 or so days. And have not starved myself in over 3 months and have not purged in 1.5 months. So I'm slowly improving which is great but I've been depressed recently again...
I've been dealing with a lot of stress which makes me depressed but I can't be depressed. I'm more boring in school and lose a lot of relationships this way. My family relationship sucks a lot also when I'm depressed.
I am staying busy but I'm constantly tired because I'm depressed but when night comes around I'm not tired... I'm starting to feel guilty about anything I do and getting that "going through the emotions" feeling again...

I know I'm doing all I can do and trying my hardest and am doing pretty good but some positive reinforcement would be greatly appreciated at this time. ~Hazel <3
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Re: Small bump in the road - April 23rd 2015, 05:37 AM

Look, issues sometimes have a way of creeping up on you, even during and after recovery. You have done so well so far and there's no freaking telling how someone else in that same situation would react. In that record, this could be a better effort than you give yourself credit for.

Every single day that you step back from the knives and avoid purging is doing you good. I recommend you see your doctor about potentially getting some remedies for your sleeping problems. There are a number of non-medicinal remedies at your disposal.

-A change in the baromatic conditions in your room.
-Certain sounds and smells that can get you to sleep better.
-Even oxygen masks and mouthguards!

Chances are, if you go to your doctor, then they would have something for you. They know your body, having worked with you in the past. It might not be as simple as Depression causing sleep problems. There might be other factors at play. See someone about that, because sleep is an important part of recovery in all facets of the word.

Friendships have a distinct characteristic of being eb and flow, so sometimes they're awesome and sometimes they're not so great, and sometimes, you could lose friends but gain a whole domain of new friends. You have to ask yourself what you enjoy, what makes you happy, and then go out and find a gathering of people based on that enjoyment, perhaps a music festival or book signing. Awesome friends are the people who "get" you, and understand how you feel. I fall in love with a character if I understand him/her. If someone interacts with me and I feel they understand me, I am more inclined to interact with them and start a friendship. The understanding is the key part.

Your schoolmates, if they don't understand how you're feeling at the moment, if they don't understand that sometimes you don't want to go out or whatever the case may be (I am being vague because I don't know what you mean by 'boring'), then perhaps it's best that you don't interact with them.

They don't understand you if they are just going to walk away from you in the instance that you become 'boring'. What's wrong with boring anyway? If someone who doesn't do backflips when he wins or displays an animated nature when racing wins the Championship six times, then it wouldn't matter whether he is boring. This is actually the case with a racer in Australia named Jamie Whincup. He might be boring but he is also (almost) untouchable on the track. Boring can be an advantage. It gives you the opportunity to concentrate on studies. If you lift the hypothetical trophy and top your class exam after exam, people will applaud you. You should be applauding yourself REGARDLESS of whether you're "full of life".

You have a contribution to make to this world and for that, you deserve full physical and mental and spiritual and other health. I hope you get over the emotions you're copping at the moment. .

You have one final thing to celebrate before I end this post. Your fucking name, I love the name "Hazel" .


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