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lacrotix Offline
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How to Overcome Obsession with Success? - May 14th 2015, 06:33 PM

TL;DR: I am currently consumed by my unhealthy desire to succeed in life. As a result, I am usually feel jealousy, self-loafing, depression, and powerlessness. I want to change.


Since my childhood, I was taught that success is good. Success gives you food on the table. Success also gives you respect.

As I grew up, various experiences have shown me that life can be pointless. People prepare in their childhood by studying, only to get a job they hate, only to retire once their health fails.

I have since learned to appreciate other things in life. Things like the great outdoors, beautiful architecture, fine cuisine, and more.

Unfortunately, I still measure myself by my own success. As a result, I feel jealous at others. I loathe my failures and feel powerless against my character weaknesses. I talk too much about work and worries.

This obsession is not healthy. I want to change. How can I begin healing?
   
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Konohana Sakuya Offline
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Re: How to Overcome Obsession with Success? - May 15th 2015, 08:29 PM

Hi there. I've always been taught that failure is and never will be an option by my family. Just like you, sometimes I have this uncontrollable urge to succeed and make sure everything I do comes out perfectly. If not, I loathe myself for being useless. I can see we're both learning to appreciate life bit by bit, though that urge still lives on inside us.

I can suggest some ways to cope with your obsession. You can still give it all your best in whatever you do, but mistakes and failures do happen. It's okay to drown yourself in your feelings and let them all out, but don't take too long. Perhaps you can try averting your perspective by seeing one positive thing you can learn from that failure. Failure exists to make us wiser than before so we don't fall into the same hole again. Maybe things could've been worse if you hadn't failed. Try reminding yourself that being imperfect once in a while is alright because in fact, we're humans. Humans are imperfect. It is through imperfections we grow and learn to be better each day.

It seems that you've been talking too much about your work and worries to the point it may have disturbed some of your life's aspects. It's a good idea to give yourself some time to unwind and distract yourself from your worries. Most of the time, your worries are just worst-case scenario played over and over again in your head. Reassure yourself that as long as you do your best (and even if you fail), you still have chance to develop yourself. Maybe you can try distracting yourself from worrying by doing whatever you like or try something new. Meditation or simply taking deep breaths and staying in touch with your senses are good ways to calm down as well.

I hope this proves to be helpful to you. Let me know whatever I can do to help you. You're not alone in this

Stay strong,
Karen




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Re: How to Overcome Obsession with Success? - May 15th 2015, 09:27 PM

Personally, I think the first step is to accept that you're human, you are going to make mistakes and you're going to fail at things no matter how hard you try not to, unfortunately, it's a part of life. The second thing I think you should do is define what success means to you, how will you know when you've succeeded? If you don't know that you'll always believe you failed because you won't know when you haven't. And I'll throw this in there too, success should mean you're happy on some level, you can have all the money in the world and be miserable, I don't think that's success.

Since I'm recovering from a major failure and one of my high school classmates just got drafted by my hometown's NFL team, trust me, I know what it's like to be jealous! He's living his dream and mine just fell apart. Remember that someone else getting or earning what they want doesn't mean you won't get what you want. In most cases you're comparing apples and oranges and holding resentment towards them won't change anything.


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Re: How to Overcome Obsession with Success? - May 17th 2015, 06:02 AM

Find success inside yourself first. Figure out what's causing you to feel jealous and envious. Every day, be consciously aware of your every thought/action and question yourself. Ask yourself: why am I thinking this? Why am I jealous? Be 100% brutally honest and real with yourself - jealousy is a pure product of insecurity, so be looking out for things that you don't like about yourself.

Once you're consciously aware of your insecurities, you must accept them. You need to separate your limiting beliefs and biases from your reality. Once you've done that, you'll experience some cognitive dissonance for a few days (meaning you may feel more down or depressed and want to go back to blame and loathing again), but don't give in. Push through it and you'll find a new you. This is how I went from depression, explosive anger, and social isolation to a more normal emotional state.

Also, to be clear, is it financial success that you're talking about? You seemed to have implied that but I'm just making sure. I understand what it's like to live in a normal life but to work towards wealth and freedom most of the day - I'm an entrepreneur. But rather than focusing on the people who have more than I do, I look at the things I strive to have and create detailed plans on how to achieve them. To gain wealth, I recommend finding a field of expertise that you're passionate about. Maybe you're studying or already knowledgeable in that area, but if not, start doing so. If studying online distracts you, buy some physical books and start reading.

Once you feel confident in a skill you have that you're passionate about, explore ways to make a living from it. I recommend being self-employed because you can scale any project or work you do at YOUR pace, not your company's or bosses. Your success at this point is all in your hands and depends on your knowledge, discipline, and responsibility. Not anyone else, luck, or magical forces.

Once you've explored possibilities to make money from it, create a plan. Make it detailed. Set short-term daily goals and get a feel for how fast you can move forward in your success. Once you got the idea, you'll be able to create realistic long-term goals. Execute your plan and start making money. Try EVERYTHING within reason before claiming that your plan has failed. Even if it does fail, you can tweak it and adjust it until you get by, or create a new plan in the same niche if needed.

Of course, from a success standpoint, making a living and supporting yourself financially in a normal life isn't necessarily success. Thus, you'll need to scale your projects - work harder, brainstorm new ideas, network with other success-minded people, create new plans and income streams. Scale your wealth from your niche to it's fullest extent, find a way to automate it, then create new income streams.

If you focus on the things I said and don't allow distractions in your life, eventually the subconscious habit of thinking about people who have more than you will deteriorate and it won't occur to you much. When it does, you'll simply tell yourself that you're working hard at surpassing them with your new plan. To be successful, you must truly and wholeheartedly believe that you can be successful, to the point where you'd put your life on that belief.

Also, if I misinterpreted you and the financial part isn't relevant, just apply my advice to whatever you're trying - it will work. I'm certain that you'll find yourself forming good habits and accomplishing your goals soon if you put your full effort into it. A few good concepts to look into for further reading are:

Personal Development - The practice of achieving a near-perfect emotional state using psychology to destroy limiting beliefs, bad habits, and negative thoughts and replace them with confidence, discipline, responsibility, and happiness.

The Law of Attraction - A universal law that states all things in existence are influenced by and take on properties of their surroundings. On a more complex level, humans take on the attributes of the people, environment, thoughts, and habits that they surround themselves with. Therefore, surrounding yourself with good NATURALLY attracts good into your life.

Entrepreneurship - If you haven't already thought of becoming successful by relying on your own ability, I recommend doing thinking about it very deeply.
   
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Re: How to Overcome Obsession with Success? - May 18th 2015, 08:39 AM

Thank you for everybody's replies. I will definitely ponder and slowly absorb everyone's points.
   
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