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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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i'm going to crack - June 5th 2015, 01:06 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

all this stress, it's a very long story but i swear any i'm going to crack and the few people i talk to are asleep and i don't know what to do :/
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i'm going to crack - June 5th 2015, 01:40 PM

Hello there. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I'm not sure what's going on, but I want you to know that you are stronger than this. You are stronger than these urges, you are stronger than this stress, and this pain. I know it's impossible to believe that right now. I also know it's impossible to believe that there will be any kind of relief for this pain unless you handle it yourself, in your own way. I'm here to tell you that there is. There is a light at the end of this tunnel, and my dear I speak from experience. It get's so much better from here.

There is a better, happier ending. You've just got to hold on tight and never let go. You're so close to finding out, and you can't give up yet. Not when all the happiness in the world is waiting at the end. As I said before, I have no idea what's going on, but no matter what's going on it always get's better.

If you ever need someone to talk to, you're more than welcome to send me a message. I'll always be here if you need me. Keep your head up. Things will get better. I promise.


"One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful." ~Sigmund Freud

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i'm going to crack - June 5th 2015, 05:40 PM

Hi there Charlie,

I'm not sure what you are currently experiencing but I'm always here if you would like to talk. If you are unsure of where you can go to get support and advice, then have a look at this thread which explains all the ways that you can get support here on TeenHelp.

I suggest that you have a look at the hotlines page to find a hotline that you are able to call to receive specialist advice. Also the resources page lists useful and informative websites that you can visit to receive advice and information on a variety of issues.

Feel free to PM or VM me if you would like to talk.






I'm here if anyone wants to talk, I'm always here. Feel free to VM or PM me
   
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Re: i'm going to crack - June 5th 2015, 10:29 PM

Hey, Charlie!

I'm sorry that you're going through a hard time right now. Sounds like you're really stressed out right now and it's always tough when you need to talk to someone but no one's around, so I'm glad you reached out here!

You said that what's going on is a long story? Would you still like to talk about it? I'd be happy to listen to however much you feel comfortable sharing if you'd like to talk more about what's going on. I don't mind at all. I can't promise I'll be able to offer great advice but I can surely listen and try to help the best I can.

Jenny provided a list of hotlines which could be very helpful. Remember that many of TeenHelp's resources are there for you as well. Such as HelpLINK, Live Help and you can also seek support in the Chat Room and support forums. Many staff members are also extremely friendly and don't mind talking if you need a listening ear. On that note, as I said, I don't mind either so message me anytime.

Hope you're okay right now. Just remember that while things can get incredibly tough and stressful, you're going to be able to breathe again, okay? I'm not sure what's going on, but eventually things have to change and that means things could change for the better. Just keep holding on, you can get through this.
   
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Re: i'm going to crack - June 5th 2015, 10:40 PM

Hi there,

I'm sorry you're going through a rough time right now. I know that must be really hard but its so great you have come to us here to seek out for some help and support. I know reaching out can be hard so be proud of yourself for it, okay?

You say it's a long story, but trust me, we have all day! What ever it is going on, you can talk to us about it. I know it's hard to talk sometimes but it can also feel like a weight lifted of shoulders too. And we're here to help and advice you. We're not going to judge you or think bad of you for anything. We just want to be here and help, that's all. If you don't want to talk to us that's okay too but know that the offer is there.

You've been given some links on where to get support so use them if you need too, okay? Because you aren't in this alone. So many people want to help you through this but the more you can tell us the more we can help you. Just remember that things can get better than this. It's not always gunna be this hard for you and you'll find ways to cope and manage with what ever it is that's going on.

I hope you're okay and that you're safe.
Jessie


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Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i'm going to crack - June 6th 2015, 06:44 AM

You can talk to us about your problems too... We all have those days, and we'll all always be here for you. Is it something that happened just today, or has it been going on for quite some time?

If i were you i would just go out for a walk, listen to some calming music or do some charity work. All of those are good things for you to do in order for you to calm down... and relax. That will help you to get some peace of mind as well as be more sure of yourself. And..

I want to hear your story, so if you're okay with it... i hope you can tell us your story. I'm all ears.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

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As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: i'm going to crack - June 7th 2015, 04:02 AM

I'm always here if you need me, Charlie.

I know what its like to feel that way. I've been feeling friendless as well so even if you just need a friend, I will always be here and will stick by you through anything.

Best wishes,

~A


'I have this strange feeling that I'm not myself anymore...'
   
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Re: i'm going to crack - June 7th 2015, 10:56 AM

thankyou everyone, feeling better today. it's just all stress because my mental illnesses made me get incredibly behind in college work so i'm trying to catch up to get everything done in the next few weeks and i have a music exam in a few weeks too and responsibility and everyone is trying to persuade me not to take a year off to work on getting better and pressuring me to get a job and i really want to quit college but everyone says it'll be a waste of 3 years if i quit now (this is uk college, not us. not university). i don't even want to go to university any more because i won't be able to cope with it but i can't handle a job either, i've been fired from all my past jobs because i couldn't communicate with the customers. just so much is going on and it's making me feel like i'm going crazy.

last week i made a plan with no set date to attempt to kill myself but i couldn't tell my boyfriend because he was busy visiting family he hasn't seen in 6 months and when i did tell him a few days later he got all upset and started calling me selfish and not caring about him etc. i understand it but i kinda needed his help.

everything's just been getting to me. sorry if it's all jumbled and not making sense
   
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Re: i'm going to crack - June 7th 2015, 11:43 PM

It makes sense.

And if you feel like it would help you a lot more to quit college for a while then do it. Only you know you the best. If you really think you would benefit from taking a year or even a couple months off, then go for it.

If you can't keep a job, do you think maybe you could live with your parents/parent for a while until you are back up on your feet? If they don't understand what you're going through, maybe you could just stay with your boyfriend or a good friend who will trust you to your word and understand what's going on.

Just some thoughts.



~A


'I have this strange feeling that I'm not myself anymore...'
   
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Re: i'm going to crack - June 8th 2015, 01:09 AM

it does make sense... you have lots of conflict inside you, as well as guilt. both of these emotions can ruin a person quite badly.. if the person allows it to. What you must do is not doubt yourself, and that will make you perform better in anything you do.

And i think that you can try ranting to your boyfriend . If he's someone who's truly sweet, he'll help you out and make things better for you.

the key is to always keep fighting. Life's an everlasting battle.. but some of those battles are fights that we can enjoy those fights make us stronger.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

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screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: i'm going to crack - June 8th 2015, 05:50 AM

Glad to hear you're feeling a little better, Charlie! No worries, what you said does make sense. Sounds like you're having a tough time, no wonder you are knowing everything going on right now. Which is why I'm glad you're able to write it out somewhere.

You mentioned that you were fired from previous jobs because you had trouble communicating with the customers - is there any specific reason(s) why? Do you struggle with anxiety in social situations? I understand having communication issues, they can be really difficult and get in the way of a lot of things. Do you think it would help to try taking small steps towards working on your problems communicating? It might take time and effort, but it'd be a step forward in terms of being able to keep a job and be content while working.

As for college, you know what's best for you so try not to let anyone else influence you. Your education is important but your mental health is too, you know? If you feel taking a year off would help you, then go for it. But before you make any decisions, make sure you think on it without the influence of others so that you can fully decide on what would be the best choice for you personally.

Does your boyfriend know all of what you're dealing with, like all of the stress on you right now? I'm sorry he reacted that way, I can understand how that'd feel upsetting to you. Sounds like he's worried about you and doesn't quite understand how you're feeling hence his reaction. I suggest talking to him and explaining that you do care about him, that you're just having a really difficult time right now. I'm not sure what all you told him but maybe he could be a little more understanding and supportive if he knew just what position you're in. Along with the stress and feelings you're dealing with. Aside from your boyfriend, is there anyone else in your life you can seek support from? Such as a close friend, a family member or counselor. Opening up to someone could really help, plus, you deserve some support and help. Speaking of, do you have a therapist? Therapy might help you a lot in terms of finding healthy ways to cope with stress and low feelings.

How about making a list of goals and reasons to live? Similar to this list made by the members of TeenHelp. It could help you rediscover why life is worth it, and remind you of all the good things ahead. Something else that may help you is to keep a private journal that you can express yourself in. Like writing down your thoughts, feelings and things going on in your life. It's a healthy outlet that you may find therapeutic. In the meantime, try taking care of yourself. Take a step back from all of the stress and have a hot beverage of your choice, and just sit down to relax a moment. Perhaps you could also get comfortable with a favorite snack and distract yourself with a favorite movie of yours. Other ways of relieving stress are exercise such as cycling, running etc. Moderate exercise like going for a walk may help you to clear your thoughts.

From what you've explained, I can understand why you would be feeling so low. You're obviously dealing with a lot and you're allowed to have your feelings throughout all of this. I just really hope you know that this won't last forever. Your life is more important than you know and this rough patch will eventually pass. You have your future and there's bound to be lots of happiness and great moments in your life worth living for. I know it's hard right now, but you can do this and just so you'll know, you're more than welcome to keep posting here if you find it helpful, okay? We don't mind listening and offering support! You don't have to deal with it all alone. Hope you're okay right now.
   
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Re: i'm going to crack - June 8th 2015, 04:05 PM

hi thankyou everyone

- i already live with my parents, never moved out and can't drive either. this and not coping with a job when i'm turning 20 in a few months makes me feel like a child, you know? that's another contributing factor really... and my boyfriend lives in texas while i still live in england so i can't live with him any time soon haha

- yeah i have an anxiety disorder dominating in social anxiety so it makes jobs really difficult and plenty of other stuff. everyone is pressuring me to go to uni but i don't want that, i don't know what i want. my boyfriend knows about what i'm dealing with too, he just forgets how to deal with me sometimes. like he's not used to dealing with people that have mental illnesses but he's learnt a lot with me and is waaaaaay better than at the start of the relationship. he did later apologise for his actions. i try talking to my family and friends about it all but they're not really that helpful tbh. i had a therapist for about 4 months but she didn't really help either. i'm on a waiting list for counselling from another place though.

it all just feels like this will be my life forever because it has been for the last 3 years, it's normality for me but i don't like it and therapy and medication hasn't changed it enough to allow me to do normal adult things y'know?
   
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Re: i'm going to crack - June 8th 2015, 05:10 PM

But here's the thing ... sometimes you gotta start to slowly overcome your comfort zone. only when you start trying new things, thats when things will change for the better..

Have faith in the world and the world will repay your faith. And i think that you're certainly good enough to overcome any situation, this included. You should go to university sooner or later cause that's how you're going to move on... but remember to not overpressure yourself. You can beat this!


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: i'm going to crack - June 10th 2015, 02:39 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by charliemoosic View Post
hi thankyou everyone

- i already live with my parents, never moved out and can't drive either. this and not coping with a job when i'm turning 20 in a few months makes me feel like a child, you know? that's another contributing factor really... and my boyfriend lives in texas while i still live in england so i can't live with him any time soon haha

- yeah i have an anxiety disorder dominating in social anxiety so it makes jobs really difficult and plenty of other stuff. everyone is pressuring me to go to uni but i don't want that, i don't know what i want. my boyfriend knows about what i'm dealing with too, he just forgets how to deal with me sometimes. like he's not used to dealing with people that have mental illnesses but he's learnt a lot with me and is waaaaaay better than at the start of the relationship. he did later apologise for his actions. i try talking to my family and friends about it all but they're not really that helpful tbh. i had a therapist for about 4 months but she didn't really help either. i'm on a waiting list for counselling from another place though.

it all just feels like this will be my life forever because it has been for the last 3 years, it's normality for me but i don't like it and therapy and medication hasn't changed it enough to allow me to do normal adult things y'know?
I'm glad your boyfriend apologized. I'm sure he cares a lot about you. He may just have a hard time understanding things like this. Explaining your struggles to him might go a long way in helping him understand and help you better when you need support.

Is it okay I ask why you can't drive just yet? Depending on the reason why you haven't yet gotten your license, maybe you could have use your parents' transportation to go ahead and have your license? Regardless, not everyone gets their license right away when they turn the age that they're qualified. Some people wait for a variety of different reasons and it doesn't mean you're less of an adult. Although I understand that the basic things like driving and a job are a source of independence that you want to be able to have. I totally get that and the frustration you feel revolving around that. Things can still change though, and I'm sure things will be so much better soon enough. I know it's hard, but keep holding on, okay? You're strong enough to do this.

Sorry to hear your last therapist wasn't very helpful to you. Therapy can be extremely beneficial but sometimes it takes awhile to find the right therapist you're comfortable with and that provides beneficial therapy sessions. I hope the counseling you signed up for helps you. While I can imagine it's hard, try not to be discouraged, keep trying and I'm sure you'll come across a therapist that's helpful for you!

About your social anxiety, I'm sorry you struggle with that. I can understand how that'd put barriers between you and a lot of other things involving being social such as maintaining a job. Many people struggle with social anxiety so you aren't alone. Something that can make a big difference is to step out of your comfort zone whenever you have an opportunity. I know it's hard especially since you deal with social anxiety, but putting yourself in situations that usually scare you can be helpful in overcoming the anxiety a bit. You can take small steps at first, do small things so that you're not too overwhelmed.

Days or hours ahead of a social event, do your best to not think about it. Take measures to relax and focus on things you need to do in that present day. If you keep worrying yourself, you'll build more and more anxiety. Hopefully that can become a habit if you keep at it and you won't worry as much about social events ahead of time. When in social situations, perhaps it may help to divert your attention from thoughts causing anxiety? Such as focusing on things around you, like the color of the walls, unique furniture/objects around or even the clothing someone's wearing. Remind yourself that it's okay to be less than perfect, and allow yourself to be curious in social situations. Ask that person a few questions about themselves, you may end up feeling yourself get more relaxed as you get into a natural conversation flow.

At your age, I can understand how you would feel frustrated about not being able to do normal things as your mental illnesses get in the way. But none of that makes you a child, even if it feels that way to you. Many, many people of all ages struggle with mental illnesses that get in the way of normal day-to-day things along with bigger things. You aren't alone in that nor are you less mature because of that. While it takes hard work, effort and time, I do believe you'll reach a part of your life where these struggles don't affect you like they do now. Recovery's very possible and you can achieve that too, you know? Recovery's a journey, just keep choosing it and don't give up on yourself.
   
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