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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Beautiful_Mess Offline
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Thought I was going to be okay today... - June 15th 2015, 08:56 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Woke up feeling like I could possibly make it through the day,now I feel like i'm not going to be able to at all.. I just don't think I can..
I beat a urge to cut last night,but this Isn't just a urge to cut..this is much worse..
Everything is going to shit just like it always does..
Nothing has been going right,for quite some time now..
I've lost more loved ones and close animals than a person should lose in just this year...
Its like everything or one I touch breaks,or something just always fucking goes wrong..
I've been telling myself its just a rough patch,it'll get better, but it doesn't get better, it just keeps getting worse!
I've thru away my blades so I wouldn't cut,and wouldn't be soo tempted to end it all..but its really not that hard to get more..
If i make it past today, it'll be a goddamn miracle..
To be completely honest,I've sorta found a way to help when i'm depressed,suicidal and such.That's smoking weed,and getting fucking stoned off my ass..but lately its not helped me much..and i don't know what to do. I cant go talk to my mother,shes told me that shes just tired and very tempted to putting me in a fucking hospital..soo now what?
..I'm really not sure whether I can do this anymore..I've about had it...







Waiting is a sign of true love and patience,anyone can say "I love you" But not everyone can wait and prove it's true.

Some say it's painful to wait for someone,Some say it's painful to forget someone,But the worst pain comes when you don't know whether to wait or forget.
   
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Re: Thought I was going to be okay today... - June 16th 2015, 06:37 AM

Hi, Beth!

I'm so sorry about you losing loved ones and pets this year. I can imagine that it's really hard for you. Just know that you're allowed to have your feelings, to grieve and cry, I just hope you know that it'll get easier, you know? The people and pets you lost, they won't ever be forgotten by you and those who knew them. They live on in memory and safely in heaven. Have you been able to fully grieve and express your feelings? Perhaps you could talk to people who experienced the losses as well so that you'd be able to share your feelings with someone who can relate and understand the best.

Your honesty is admired, well done for talking about this. I am sorry you feel so bad that you've turned to smoking and other things though. Finding ways to cope when you're feeling depressed and suicidal is a good step but only if you're finding healthy ways to do so. I know you're looking for escapes from the pain, I understand that but unhealthy coping mechanisms can actually begin making you feel worse as they can lose their effectiveness, close off healthier ways of coping, cause addiction etc. How about resorting to hobbies you enjoy and introducing new hobbies into your life that take up your time? Such as learning a new musical instrument for example.

Since your mother said she's tempted to put you in the hospital, is she referring to your suicidal feelings? She could have said that in a kinder way, but I really do believe she cares for you a lot and just wants to keep you safe. On a day when she's feeling better, could you talk with her about your feelings? Opening up to her so that she fully understands what you're going through to support you could help a lot.

You seem to be a strong person especially having the courage to throw away your blades. Going back to self-harming is an option, but think about your reasons for quitting in the first place. There had to be a part of you who knew you deserved so much better than all of this (and you do). Try reminding yourself of all the reasons to live well and take care of yourself in a nourishing way opposed to a destructive way. Treat yourself as you would a friend and take time to be kind to yourself.

Sounds like everything is really hard for you right now, Beth - I'm really sorry for that. Right now I can see how you'd feel nothing will ever get better, but they do eventually and sometimes you just need to be reminded that hope is always there. I believe life's ups and downs are for a reason. The sad times to help us gain experience, strength and learn about ourselves and grow as a person. And the good times to remind us that there's always good in life, that even after the worst moments, happiness still can find us.

Your life is more important than what the suicidal feelings are making you feel. You're more important than what your depression makes you think. I know that you're having a really hard time right now and that things seem to get worse, but the truth is, things do eventually get better because the sun has to come out at some point, you know? Smile for the smallest happy moments in your day, even little things. Live for the small things for now, because you have your whole life ahead of you and chances for wonderful things to happen that you deserve to experience. I really do believe you'll reach a point in your future where you're glad you decided to keep fighting.

Stay strong and let me know if you need anything, Beth. Take care, you can do this, okay?
   
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Re: Thought I was going to be okay today... - June 16th 2015, 07:05 PM

I'm very sorry for all of your loss this year. I think it's great that you have fought off the urge to self-harm, but please remember that turning to substance as a solution may only lead to another problem for you to deal with.

You mentioned that your mother threatened to hospitalize you. I'm not sure that is necessary, but do you feel that some form of therapy may be of help? It could give you an outlet and someone to discuss your problems with. Just a thought. Best wishes.
   
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