Another failure at my attempt to leave

[Em[ily]]

Yet again last night I was suicidal. I didn't tell any of my friends because last time I was suicidal my friends freaked out and I made some of them cry.
I felt like everything was just...I don't know. And I always feel like I'm hurting people, I've said this before but its true. My friends always say that I don't hurt them but I think they're lieing to me so that I don't go off and do something bad.
And yet again my dad hit me yesterday and told me I was worthless and he didn't love me.
I already have decided what I was gonna do to kill myself and I was planning on doing it last night, I was gonna carve SORRY into my arm but I didn't. I just thought about how some of my friends tell me that they love me all the time and how my friends always say "If you go I go" and I don't want me to be the reason that they all go off themselves.
But whatever I'm just gonna have to deal with all of this till I get the courage to just...leave.

[dancer]

Hey Emily,

sweetie, I'm so sorry that things are tough right now. But I've found that it takes more courage to stick around then to leave - you should be proud of yourself for still being here.

Don't listen to your dad. For some reason, the "parent mechanism" of some people just kind of malfunctions sometimes. But you haven't done anything to warrant it. And you are not worthless! Your friends care about you and I highly doubt that they're lying to you; we all care about you here (yup! ), and you still have so much left to do. So basically you matter a freaking lot.

And if you don't feel like you can call your friends, though, at those times, please remember that we're always here! And I've found that the people at Hopeling (1-800-442-HOPE) can be really helpful and don't treat you like your incompetent or anything, and they might be able to help you figure out something with your dad, too.

Hang in there, hun. And feel free to PM me anytime!

[Saraphiel Falls]

I know it's hard...it sounds cliche, but trust me darling. I know it's hard. The pain seems unbearable to you...you don't know how to go on. But trust me- people do care about you. Your friends do, and they've told you that- I can't make you believe it, you need to find the strength to believe that people love you in yourself. Just know that, while this sounds cliche as well, suicide is never the answer. You might feel like it'll take the pain away, but for every suicide, there are people left that are hurt by your decision, and there are chances wasted and life lost. You've been blessed with another chance at life, and it's for a reason- I know it's hard to believe, it's still hard for me to believe it, but it's true. I don't mean that in a religious way either -I'm not religious myself- I mean it in a human way. There are people whose lives are changed for the better by you, and you have a purpose, whether you know it or not.

As for your father, just know that his words have more to do with him than they do with you. While it's tough to believe, when people say things like that, it's more reflective of their hurt than it is of something you've done. He's hurting, for reasons that most likely have nothing to do with you, and he's taking it out on you. I promise you, he does love you, and that if you left him, he's miss you and it'd hurt him incredibly. People care about you, Emily. Trust me on this, okay?

[Mel14]

Hey,

Many of my friends and other peers around me have talked about suicide to me. I really do feel their pain, and I want to tell you, it's not the answer. Teenage years are so hard and unfair. Just give them your all and try and have the time of your life while you can. Although it can be rough, there are so many fun times you can have before you grow up, especially with your friends!
PM if you want to

Best wishes,
Megan

[Stephanie]

Hey Emily.

I'm glad that you didn't leave us. Please don't think it's courageous to leave, it is much more courageous to stay here and show these people tha have hurt you that you're strong.

It must have really hurt when your dad said those things about you, but we all say things that we don't mean or that are not true if we're angry, still, it doesn't mean that it was right at all. It was really unfair.

Why would your friends lie to you, Emily? There is no point in lying to people about if you care about them or not. If they didn't care, they would simply say nothing. It is really good that your friends care about you so much, does that not mean anything to you?

What would it achieve if you killed yourself and left a mark saying that you were apologetic for it? If you are sorry, then why do it? Your death is not going to achieve anything, just loss and more upset.

Talk to your friends, talk to a professional. If you're serious about wanting to die, then I would really suggest that you do talk to someone about this who will be able to give you the support you need.