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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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jamdoughnut Offline
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I need help - July 19th 2015, 06:49 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Somebody just help me, please. I feel like im spiralling and im so scared and confused and i dont know what to do or whats going on. I try to be better and i try to stop sinning but i always mess up no matter how hard i try. The porn, the masturbation, the lies, the cussing,and the cutting. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. I dont want to live, and i havent for awhile. The only thing stopping me right now is my faith. These thoughts are so vivid, and theyre terriifying. I dont want anything to happen i dont want to hurt myself i dont want to let anybody else down. I feel like i cant trust anybody, not even my parents. Only my closest friends know whats going on and theyre scared im going to do something. Im scared im just gonna lose control and slice up my arms and do somehing im gonna regret. Im scared that my parents are gonna find out and that it will make everything much, much worse. Ive lost hope.eveyone just tells me the same crap "light at the end of the tunnel, its going to get better" but i cant believe that. And dont tell me that i dont deserve this either, because a huge part of me just hates myself and with all of the things ive done wrong, i really do deserve this. Im just so sick of crying, so sick of being in pain, so sick of people promising me its going to get better when it only gets worse. So sick of these urges that make me want to slice my arm open. Im just done.

so somebody please just help? Somebody just please tell me that this isnt true, that this is just me freaking out (again). Please. I need help. anything to silence these thoughts in my head...
   
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Kate* Offline
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Re: I need help - July 19th 2015, 07:53 AM

Hey there, believe it or not, I can relate to this SO much. If you don't know the short story is that my life collapsed and I more or less went with it and before that officially happened I lost my ability to trust anyone and no one knew how much pain I was really in. Even when I (finally) went to a professional, I wasn't honest with him. I panicked and couldn't open up then when my world collapsed I lost access to him too.

Anyway, I tell you that to let you know that I know what you're going through. I didn't really want to die either, but it felt like the only option I had and as things kept getting worse and worse, I ran out of hope. I turned to God in hopes that He could make something of my mess while everyone kept telling me it was my fault (but I'd done nothing wrong), that it might be the best thing that ever happened to me (yeah right), when one door closes another one opens (5 months later and I'm still waiting) etc. and that they cared about me and wanted me to succeed while completely destroying my self-esteem.

I know what it's like to feel like suicide is your only option even though you don't want to do it, to turn to God and not feel like He's doing ANYTHING for you. He forgave your sins, that's what being saved means, He knows you're trying and that you're not perfect and He loves you anyway. I know it's scary, but I strongly suggest you seek professional help. It took me 13 years of feeling the way you do now to finally get it, please don't wait that long. Maybe start with the school counselor (who will have to tell your parents depending on what you tel them) if your parents won't understand and reduce to what you can manage. Just focus on breathing and getting through the day one minute at a time.


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Re: I need help - July 19th 2015, 08:42 AM

Hi there,i understand what did you say and i can relate i guess, well i dont know what to say but if you want someone to talk to you can kik me anytime of the day , i'll talk. theproinc my kik, zombiedat my facebook
   
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Re: I need help - July 19th 2015, 02:33 PM

Hi there.

I am so sorry you are going through such a rough time right now although it's great you have come to us at Teenhelp for some support and help.

It seems like you're desperate for help and I am sorry that you have gotten to this point. Know that it's okay to not know what to do in this situation. You sound really low right now and to be confused and not know what to do is pretty normal for someone in your place. I know that doesn't help but you aren't alone in this. People go through this every day and every day people come out of it too. So can you. You can get through this just like other people.

I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy. I know you don't want to hear this but you really don't deserve it. No one deserves to struggle with feeling so low or being suicidal and you shouldn't be having to go through this. You deserve more and I am sorry you are having to go through this and that you are struggling to find a way out. Living can be really scary when you feel this way because why would we want to live when life seems so scary, pointless, worthless and painful? We don't, see we get suicidal thoughts because we begin to think we want to die but things can get better for you, you just need to work hard towards it and give it time okay? I know it's real tough but I believe in you and I don't think anything you may have done means you should suffer in pain, alone. And trust your faith; that is so important.

Maybe trying to talk to your parents would be a good idea? Scary yes but maybe you would be suprised and maybe doing so would actually help and you would finally have someone in "real life" to confide in and to talk to and someone to help you through every day life and that is so meaningful. However, I want you to know that we're here for you too and I am also here for you aswell. I know this is hard but you aren't alone. Here (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-d...o-can-help-me/) is a link to people who can help you. I know reaching out is a scary thing but people want to help you but they can only do so if YOU let them in. Let us in. Okay? So don't suffer alone. Let the people you know best in and talk to them. They care and want to help you as much as they can do. Keep your closest friend involved. Talk to them. Let them know what's going on with you. What are you scared of them doing? They'll care about you and want whats best for you.

I have been self harming for 12 years and trust me it doesn't help at all. You don't need the pain. You don't need he blood. You don't need any of it. You are worth more than the pain you would be putting yourself through and as much as it help because it does, it releases endorphin's, there are other things you can do too so get googling and doing these things like running! Its great we can replace it with something else so use the most of those things. Also here (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/) is a list of alternatives to self harm. When you feel like self harming, do something else instead, something that isn't going to cause you harm to yourself. A distraction, okay? As long as you're distracting yourself, you aren't hurting yourself. Even if it feels like it isn't working, as long as you're busy doing it, you aren't self harming.

Hating yourself is pretty hard going and I can relate to that. Have you thought about making a list of reasons of why you like yourself instead? I know this probably sounds like an awful idea as you're reading it but it can be really helpful.

I know this is all scary but you CAN get through this and I do believe in you and you are strong enough, you are worth it and I am here if you need anything, okay? So don't be alone. Don't suffer in pain or in silence. You deserve so much better and we're behind you on this,

Jessie


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Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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