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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Stay determined
Jeez, get a life!
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Name: Cara
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: Scotland

Posts: 6,718
Blog Entries: 136
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Didn't think I'd be back here again - September 9th 2015, 12:03 PM

I just don't know what to do, I feel so alone and I don't want to bother anybody in real life with my stupid problems...

Feel so fucking shit. heard nothing back from any of the jobs I applied to recently, just gets demoralising when companies donít even bother to let you know anything.

Keep seeing everyone going back to universityÖI didnít get the funding I needed to do my immunology masters so Iíve had to defer it for a year and hope I can save up enough money then.

Landlord is being kind of a dick to my flatmate and my flatmate is angry with him about it but I feel like Iím going to get stuck in the middle of it if thereís any conflict so thatís stressing me out.

Itís also coming up to winter again so my SAD is going to kick in any day now. Last year was the worse Iíve ever been, I spent the Christmas holidays hiding in my room drunk and feeling suicidal. Iím worried because of all the stress I have with finding a job this year is going to be even worse but everytime I try to see a doctor all they want to do is throw a prescription for antidepressants at meÖIíve tried them before and I hated the side effects :/
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Didn't think I'd be back here again - September 9th 2015, 08:37 PM

Hey, Cara.

First of all, I'm really glad you reached out here. We're definitely more than happy to listen and offer our support to you. Which is why I hope my reply will be of some help to you. But, I do want to reassure you that your problems aren't stupid. I highly doubt you'd be bothering people in real life. Don't be afraid to reach out to those closest to you and talk about what's bothering you. It could lift a lot of weight off your shoulders and if these things are bothering you, they aren't stupid. That just makes opening up a more valid option.

Winter sounded really difficult for you last year. I'm sorry to hear that and that you deal with SAD. Do you see a psychiatrist or a therapist? Perhaps you could see a therapist that has experience with treating SAD and make it clear you don't want medication while explaining the reasoning behind that? Along with simply having therapy to help you cope through winter, I've also heard of a treatment option for SAD aside from medication which is called light treatment. Have you heard of that or tried it before?

During the winter, could you try different things to help you cope? Exercise for example can release endorphins and lift your mood. Maybe you could exercise regularly to see if that would also help you feel better. Increasing your exposure to daylight might help you too. When you're in the house maybe you could keep all of the window curtains open so there's plenty of light around the house. Are there any support groups in your area, or support forums that just focus on SAD? Being around others who are experiencing exactly what you're going through might help you feel a lot less alone just having people to talk to that understand and can relate.

As for your landlord, do you know why he's being so rude to your flatmate and what caused this in the first place? Maybe it's a simple thing that can be resolved. If not, you don't have to get in the middle of this. I highly doubt you caused this or even contributed. So you shouldn't have to put more stress on yourself getting in the middle of an argument consisting of two other people.

For awhile, I've heard many people complain of what you're complaining about with finding jobs. It looks extremely frustrating to submit applications and then never even hear back. I can see how it'd be really discouraging and upsetting, but try not to give up. I'm sure that you'll hear back from one of them eventually, you know? Keep trying.

Seeing everyone go back to University when you don't have the funds to do so must feel really upsetting. I hope you can go back next year. Try reminding yourself of that, to just hold on and you'll have University next year. That might be a good motivator. Secondly, how about taking advantage of your free time just until you find a job? Do things that make you happy. Catch up on your favorite TV shows, invest some time into spending time with your pets, do some of your favorite hobbies and even try new things. Fill your days with things that make you happy!

Overall, sounds like things are really hard for you and since you had such a bad winter last year, I hope this winter is much easier on you, Cara. I just want to remind you to not be afraid to let people close to you in real life in. You're allowed to open up as well for support and simply to have someone listen. A simple rant on a stressful day might help you a lot rather than bottling it all up. If you feel you can't talk to someone, journal at least as that can be very therapeutic.

Hope this helped. Message me if you need! Always keep holding on, Cara. Stay strong, you can do this. There will always be brighter days ahead.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Stay determined
Jeez, get a life!
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Name: Cara
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: Scotland

Posts: 6,718
Blog Entries: 136
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Didn't think I'd be back here again - September 10th 2015, 10:41 AM

Hi Ellie,

First of all thanks so much for your incredibly kind and detailed reply, it means so much that you've taken the time to write such a well-thought out response.

I used to see my university counsellor around this time each year to help deal with my SAD but as I've graduated this isn't an option anymore. I've asked my doctor before about being able to speak to someone as during the exam period earlier this year I was having some issues but I basically got told there was nothing they could do for me in terms of therapy and got handed a prescription for antidepressants again. I don't know why they said that, maybe they don't consider me depressed enough or that I'm not in need of it as much as other people? There's a long waiting list for therapy around this area also so it could take up to a year before I get the chance to see anybody even if they did agree to it.

I've heard of lightboxes for SAD before and the university counsellors suggested one but a good one costs about £100 and isn't covered by the health service in the UK so I can't really afford to get one.

As for the landlord, well my flatmate relies on housing benefits to pay the rent due to being unemployed. The housing benefit gets paid on the last Monday of the month, no exceptions. The rent is due on the 20th so this means he's always paying late but him and the landlord had a verbal agreement that he would just pay it when the benefits got paid to him and everything was fine before but the landlord must not keep very good track of his finances as he got some bank charges for going overdrawn and took it out on my flatmate saying he's not paid the rent and it's his fault the bank charged him. It's a joint tenancy which means the landlord can chase me for the money if he thinks my flatmate isn't paying and I'm worried that if there's a conflict the landlord might try to kick us out and I can't afford to move again right now.

I do spend most of my time watching Netflix and trying to do things to keep me happy but a lot of fun things require money (which I don't have a lot of) and when you've been doing the same things for several months day in, day out they start to lose their appeal and everyday just becomes really monotonous. I'd really like to start going to the gym again but I also can't afford that and there's not a lot of space to exercise at home unfortunately :c
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Didn't think I'd be back here again - September 10th 2015, 10:34 PM

You're very welcome, Cara. I'm glad you reached out. And I appreciate your appreciation.

I'm sorry that you're having a hard time finding a therapist. Thing is, even doctors can be wrong because seeing as your SAD got so bad last year you became suicidal; you are in need of therapy. Was your doctor aware that you were not only struggling, but were suicidal at some point due to your SAD? That's an important fact for them to know. Again, I'm sorry it doesn't seem like the doctors are taking this seriously. I can imagine it must feel really frustrating and upsetting to be feeling so low to the point of being suicidal then their actions make you feel like your problems aren't serious enough. I just want to reassure you that you matter and your problems do too. Even if some of the people around you make you feel like it doesn't matter.

That sounds like a rather frustrating situation with your landlord. I don't think he would kick you out especially since you have a verbal agreement with him that the rent will be paid a bit late each month. Apparently your flatmate isn't at fault for the bank charging the landlord nor are you which is why I doubt this situation will result in you being kicked out. Worst case scenario and that did happen, could you stay with your parents or another family member just till you find a job and are able to find another place? I'm sure it will be fine though, Cara. I bet your landlord will eventually realize that neither of you are at fault for the bank charging him. And if he were to approach you, you can simply remind him of the agreement that was set.

As for exercising, do you have any health problems you're aware of that would make exercising during cold weather a health hazard? If not, I was wondering if you could still get some exercise in even during winter? There's a great article here explaining how to safely go for runs during cold weather. I can understand not having the money to go to the gym and also not having enough room in the house, which is why I thought I'd suggest going for runs for a free way to (hopefully) help you feel better even in the winter but to take steps in doing it safely so you don't catch a cold, get frostbite or anything of the sort.

Netflix sounds fun and distracting but I know exactly what you mean. There are a lot of fun hobbies and it can make you feel happy for awhile, but if you do the same things so often then it can become far too normal to the point where it just isn't entertaining anymore. Fortunately, there are a lot of inexpensive hobbies like reading books from the library, creative writing, drawing, painting, photography, playing video games or board games with someone etc. Maybe you could also spend some of your spare time doing things like learning a new language, doing volunteer work, go on YouTube and try to find new bands/singers you like, experiment with baking and cookies (with inexpensive ingredients) and just things like that. Try out new things and switch up your routine of hobbies so it doesn't become boring. Don't you also make your own jewelry and sell it? Perhaps you could experiment with new styles.

Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to, Cara.
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Didn't think I'd be back here again - September 19th 2015, 11:51 PM

It's a good thing that you're back on this website again. The fact that you're reaching out for advice and support shows how strong you are! You've made it this far, you can make it through a little longer just keep pushing. Have you tried therapy? I know many people think it doesn't help, but sometimes just having someone to listen to all the small details and give you feedback is enough to relieve you. It's better to get everything off of your chest, even if you feel like you're a bother. You're never a bother to the people who are close to you and care about you, that's what they're there for! I hope you feel better and remember only eyes washed by tears can see clearly
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