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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Jays Offline
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Down Hill quick - December 7th 2015, 11:21 PM

I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I am so sad all the time. I am tired. I am sick. I am mad all the time. Last night I was really close to hanging myself. I tied a few scarfs together and then i just started to cry. I am worthless. I cant do anything good for myself for anyone else either. I am mad all the time. I want to harm myself all the time. I am so useless. I really am.
   
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Re: Down Hill quick - December 8th 2015, 02:20 AM

Hello jays

Please stay safe There's so much happiness in store for you. Don't hurt yourself.... despite all the challenges you may face, eventually you'll experience times where you'll be smiling wider than you believed possible. It might not seem that way at the moment, but that's the truth. Nothing's beyond your ability to achieve .

When you're feeling this way, all you should do is begin thinking about all the happy things that could happen, that WILL happen. There's no point looking at what has happened. Concentrate on changing what COULD happen. That way you'll be able to write your own story, and it's going to be a happy one. Nothing can get in your way, because nothing's beyond what you can do. Try getting into new activities like sports, chess or maybe even a fun dance class. These will help you get your mind off the bad stuff, and help you to remember the fact that you're not useless, that you're a human being with real potential. You can love, you can care, and you have compassion.


You are not anywhere close to useless. that's for sure.

Try to rant to someone every time you feel this way... i know that it's kinda scary to rant to someone .. but if it's someone you can trust, then why not? It's going to help you out, and it'll feel better after you talk about it. Don't keep everything to yourself because that's not the way to go about it .

I'll always be around if you wanna rant.. so pm me anytime . You are going to win this fight


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

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As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: Down Hill quick - December 8th 2015, 03:57 AM

Agree with the above: rant away. I ranted for years and years and years and years, and, I will be honest with you, it was temporary relief, but it was the temporary relief that kept me alive. Those people that were there through the nights that told me that I would be okay, even though I didn't believe it...the people that I reached out to when I wanted to end it...they kept me alive, one day at a time. The emotions that come along with depression are real, painful, and REALLY freaking annoying. If you aren't already getting help, look for it. Do what is best for YOU because your life is worth it, whether you can see it or not.

Stay strong. xx


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and hugs. mostly hugs.
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Re: Down Hill quick - December 8th 2015, 10:51 AM

Thank you both. I was having a really hard time. Yesterday and the days before. I just feel like nothing i do will please my mom. I clean the pens for the puppies (my mom is a breeder) and i leave the broom by the wall. AND she doesnt care that i spent 3 hours making sure everything was clean. It was just hat one broom that she couldnt stand.
(Sorry I am ranting)
I clean the kitchen, and my living at home 37 year old brother comes in and destroys it. He cooks eggs and lets them go on the to stove, then takes his molded containers and puts them in the sink. so now I have a kitchen to clean.
My mom keeps promising to stop buying dogs. But then she goes and buys 6 more. One of them bit me. And when we have 28 dogs, I get really pissed off easily.
And my cousin, gets everything. Screams at the top of her lungs for something, either my mom, or her dad will do anything. but i simply ask for something and i get lashed out at. its damn stupid. i sometimes am jealous of a 5 year old. She has everything I wanted when I was 5. But when I was 5 i was in foster care, and suffering from PTSD, and my brother was losing it. And that is what i guess pisses me off. No one understand how hard it was to watch the person I "raised" go insane.
   
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Re: Down Hill quick - December 8th 2015, 12:14 PM

I think it might be time to have a heart to heart with her... but if she treats you that way, then you certainly deserve better. But i know that parents always love their children. I know that it's tough, and a good talk with everyone will clear things out. Tell them how much you're going through and maybe clear everything out with her.

You deserve the best.Stay strong and determined and the times when you're treated like this will eventually be replaced by moments when you're the person feeling awesome and great. You will get your happiness . i promise you that. And i respect you because you suffered from PTSD, but you overcame it and came so far..

I'm so proud of you for this miracle I'm looking forward to you accomplishing many more.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: Down Hill quick - December 9th 2015, 04:56 AM

Hey, Jamie.

No wonder you are feeling all of these things. I'm sorry you do feel this way and that you have to go through this. Things seem extremely hard for you considering what you have been through, what you are going through with your mom and how things are at home, and the difficult thoughts/feelings/urges. It must be difficult which is why I'm glad you reached out here.

Have you made a point to your mom that she's promised to stop buying dogs, yet she still dogs? Having that many dogs at once isn't in your family's best interests, nor them. Because it can be very difficult to properly care for that many dogs. Perhaps you could ask her to compromise by understanding that she is a breeder, just ask her to have less dogs around at a time? That'd take a lot of stress off you and it'd likely be better for the dogs too.

I understand she's your mom and you're going to want to please her, but I suggest doing chores and such to contribute to household work rather than please her. If she isn't appreciative of the work you do around the house, then it's unfair to you for her to nitpick on the small things that you happened to not do. Especially when you put so much effort into cleaning. Take a moment to be proud of yourself when you get through cleaning, regardless of your mom's nitpicks. Don't be afraid to treat yourself to a snack for your hard work as well because you've very well earned it.

Things have been so hard for you. I cannot imagine how difficult it must have been to hold on through foster care at such a young age all the while taking care of your brother and then see him slipping into mental illness. I'm sorry for all that you've been through, Jamie. I want to assure you that you do not have to apologize for ranting. Ranting gets all the hurt and frustration off your chest, without hurting yourself in any kind of way. Plus, we don't mind listening to you, okay? Never feel afraid to rant, but never give up. You can get through this and you have proved that by how strong you were at such a young age. You can do this. Take care.
   
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