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Unhappy Mom Angry At Me For Being Depressed? - April 18th 2016, 05:25 PM

Last year I became really depressed while living in Michigan. My parents and the doctor decided it was situational and my mom and siblings and I moved back to Virginia (home sweet home). I tried really hard to just be happy. My mom is bipolar, and the psychologist I had to see diagnosed me with type II bipolar as well, and put me on Lithium. I thought I'd just be fine, and I'm not.

I used to have a really close relationship with my mom, but we've grown distant since the partial hospitalization incident. I used to feel I could open up to her if I had a problem. We live in the country, way, way, out, and when I first began to feel down I mentioned therapy.

Two days later she blows up at me about needing to get it together and she doesn't have the time to drive two hours round trip to take me to see a therapist. Her and my dad are keeping a long-distance relationship up, and I feel awful about it because I feel like their problems are my fault.

Doesn't help when she approaches me to tell me that most of the reason we moved back was because of me and my mental health.

Because of circumstances, we're moving back to Michigan, and she told me, and I quote, that 'it makes her sad that I get so depressed and angry when things don't go my way'. I don't know if I missed the point, but now I feel like she thinks I'm depressed to spite her.

She ambushed me recently, and told me I needed to let her help me or she'd have no choice but to let someone else. She wants me to tell her why I'm so sad, and I don't have anything to tell her. I just feel really terrible.

When we were first in Michigan, after a partial hospitalization and when I felt close with her, I told her I cut and she just said that she was going to pretend she didn't hear that. And yet she is all over my case.

She told me today I just need to get over it, but I don't know what in the freakin' world I'm getting over. All my plants and pets have started dying, and she told me I need to stop complaining and do something about it. That letting them die is money down the drain. Like I haven't tried my hardest to save them. I had a batch of quail chicks, ten, and now two weeks later I have two. Many plants and a betta I've had for years have just spontaneously died, from lush and healthy to black.

I don't know what to do. I miss the relationship I had with my mom, but every time I try and talk to her she blows up and lectures me. She walks around passive-aggressively accusing me of being anorexic and suicidal in front of my younger sisters (with things like, 'oh, she doesn't want seconds because she doesn't eat' and 'she won't mind doing it, because she hopes it will kill her'). I'm so sick of it all.

EDIT: Oh, and, nice: she burst into my room to tell me I need to find myself a psychiatrist by this Thursday or she's taking me to a hospital on Friday. She doesn't listen to me. She went on and on about how moving back to Virginia was supposed to cure me and how I keep choosing to keep myself in the same state. I keep trying to get her off my case by telling her it'll pass because I'm trying so damn hard to at least appear happy and she just kept telling me it wasn't good enough. I don't want to go to the hospital. Any hospital, for that matter, and she's already made clear to me time and time again what a damn inconvenience I am for not being happy and what a waste of her precious time therapy is. I don't want to do this anymore. She's so pissed each time I might be suicidal and I just am so sick of dealing with life and her and all the freaking expectations thrown on me to be better than my stupid brother. Made sure to let me know exactly how she felt about, according to her, 'needing to watch me every second of every day like a toddler'. And yet, when I was nine I almost threw myself in front of a car. Nowadays I go for two forty-five minute walks by myself and that doesn't concern her?

War doesn't determine who is right, only who is left.

Last edited by AnonymouslyPosting; April 18th 2016 at 05:45 PM. Reason: Update.
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Re: Mom Angry At Me For Being Depressed? - April 18th 2016, 08:06 PM

I'm don't want to trivialize anything you're saying but some of the stuff you said just reminded me of what is going on with me. I'm in my last year of high school and this year is super important, which is why I'm super cranky and annoyed all the time. My parents though supporting, clearly have no idea about how to deal with me. Just today, I got yelled at for not smiling enough and just had a complete meltdown. I can't help it. I don't choose to be sad or whatever the heck they think. Not only is the stress getting to me, I have had too many breakdowns over the course of the past one year and the thought of getting bad grades literally send me over the edge. Our situations are not at all comparable, you must be going through something a lot worse than I am. Best friends are no help. But I just want to put it out there that sometimes the fact nobody gets you makes you feel horrible, and if you need someone to talk to about it, I'll be there.
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Re: Mom Angry At Me For Being Depressed? - April 18th 2016, 10:01 PM

I'm sorry you have to go through this. From what you said it seems like she changed her attitude towards your depression pretty quickly, do you think it's possible she's acting like this because she's struggling herself? Do you have a counselor at school you could talk to? They may be able to help explain that this isn't something you can just get over. I don't know much about quail eggs, is it common for not all the eggs to make it? You could try waiting until both you and your mom are calm and telling her you feel like you can't talk to her right now, or you could write a letter explaining how you feel. Could you talk to your dad about how your mom is acting towards you?

"We all have battle scars, Finn. Suck it up and build a brace for yours."
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Re: Mom Angry At Me For Being Depressed? - April 19th 2016, 12:41 AM


I think that what you need to do is have a good, long heart-to-heart with your mom and let her know that you are going through a lot, and that she needs to support you and understand you. Being passive-aggressive is sort of not the way to go because she clearly wants things done her way, and not your way. Here's hoping that you can let her know that the reason why you're feeling this way is because you need some time to yourself, and that you also want some freedom. Hopefully she understands, because the way things are... her recklessness and impulsive decisions are things that are only making things worse. She needs to understand how you're feeling, and that sometimes people just feel down because we're all human, and we can go into depressive, down moods for no reason at all.

Just let her know that its hormones, puberty and all that.. she'll understand. Just don't let it turn into a quarrel because we know that no one wins when it comes to that. I know that in your case , what matters is how we can best help each other and how you and your mom can better understand each other and help each other get past their tough times. You are an ally to each other, and there's no point quarreling over stuff.

I do think that your mom could be a tad more understanding, but also keep in mind that if you want to, you can overcome this your own way ( just make sure you stay safe) and let her know that perhaps letting you have make your own safe, informed decisions could make things better for you.

I'm rooting for you, and no matter what happens... you'll always have our support.

It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.

rant to me if there's anything!



As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
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