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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Rez Offline
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My Return to Normalcy - May 3rd 2016, 03:48 AM

I started to feel happy again, everything seemed like it was going well. Yes, I still dealt with massive amounts of stress from everything. I considered deleting my suicide notes off of my phone. I stopped cutting. I started to be myself again. I forgot how to tie a noose and started to struggle with opening razor heads again. I locked away my knives. I stopped randomly taking large doses of advil. I even started to love myself.

But then we broke up.

I now constantly feel sick. I stopped eating. I can't stop crying. Everything I do reminds me of her. I stopped caring about everything again. I can't even listen to music. I broke open the box the held my knives. I bought a fuckton of advil. Tying a noose seems familiar again. I wrote two more notes. My legs have endured another 32. I've never cried on my little sister's shoulder before. I've never cried in front of my best friends. I've never cried in public. I never skipped school because I was sad. Until now.

I don't know what to do.
   
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Re: My Return to Normalcy - May 3rd 2016, 06:30 AM

Simon....

Sometimes, we all face setbacks, but the moment we manage to overcome these setbacks... we'll grow stronger and be one step closer to real happiness than we were before. I think that this is a bad setback, but you should give yourself and the world a chance. There's other people out there for you, and one of them is bound to love you and treat you like the person you want to be treated.. and love you the way you want to be loved and cuddle you and take your worries away. I understand that its tough, but what you should do is perhaps get out there and get to meet other people, and perhaps you'll find someone to cherish, and someone who will take care of you.

I know that right now you feel extremely lonely, and that you need companionship... and the pain breaking up certainly makes us feel that way. But I can reassure you... you're not alone. You'll never be alone.

Take all of your worries and feelings and tell it all out here.. we wanna help you. We'll never betray you. I do know that you're feeling a lot of pain right now, but it does get better. It definitely gets better and it will get better. There's no reason why you can't overcome this... there's someone who's even more right for you right now, and she probably wants you to give her a chance.

Give life a chance- and also remember that you deserve more chances too. Get yourself into more social situations to effectively distract yourself from these negative feelings, and you'll end up meeting more people .. one of which could eventually become the person to cherish you and love you for a lifetime.

If you want someone to rant to and talk to, you'll always have us. Always.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

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As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: My Return to Normalcy - May 3rd 2016, 04:54 PM

Hi Simon,

Thank you for reaching out here. I'm sorry to hear you've been going through such a hard time. But I'm glad you came here when you started noticing things are getting difficult again after the breakup.

It sounds like this person you had a relationship made you feel that your life is worth living. It sounds like you really loved and cared about that person that you even grew as a person in your own way. And when the two of you broke up, the depression and hopelessness came back.

I can't say you will get to be with this person again but I'm here to tell you it is possible to find something else about life that's worth living for. In every suffering there lies lessons to be learned and valuable experiences to take with you as you continue on. Maybe you're going through a kind of grief, because in a way you lost this person. There are ways to heal from a breakup though!
I know it is hard to see outside your suffering but you have a future ahead of you. Maybe there's something this person taught you that you want to spread and share with others. Maybe when you loved yourself, you learned about the meaning of compassion in a deeper way. Whatever it is, you have a lot to offer and it would be a great loss to lose you.

You also learned that being in a loving environment motivates you to recover. You can be loved again and you can love others. One breakup does not mean you'll never have a lasting relationship.

Do you enjoy doing art, poetry, music or anything else that allows you to express yourself?Dedicating your time to a hobby or engaging in activities and sharing your work with others can go a long way. It can help you reflect on things, make sense of it, and look forward to the future of the possibilities. Even if you don't feel like you're good at it, you can always start out by exploring other people's works and gaining inspiration, you may start leaning towards particular artists and feel appreciation.

I know it is tough but we are right behind you, and want you to be in a better place. Take care.
   
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Re: My Return to Normalcy - May 3rd 2016, 04:54 PM

Sometimes it feels so awful when you feel sad after feeling happy. You forget how much pain you were in until it comes back... I know how frustrating that is. I know this is not an easy task, but maybe try and make a gratitude list of all of the things you are grateful for. If you're anything like me, it may be really hard at first, but just keep writing. Maybe start out with some general things like the grass between my toes, the wind hitting my face, sharing laughs with friends, petting random dogs on walks. Just absolutely anything you enjoy and are grateful for. Then when you are sad and suicidal or want to hurt yourself, read that list and remind yourself that you are here for a reason and you just haven't found your calling yet... but be patient, it will come.

Here is a good list of small easy things you can do to take care of yourself. Maybe set a goal of doing one (or however many) thing a day. Or maybe your goal can be try as many as needed until you feel a little bit better. http://anniewrightpsychotherapy.com/...like-too-much/

Please feel free to PM me if you need anything at all




we've escaped our capture


Laugh loudly, sing like no one's listening, dance like no one's watching, stay in the moment, get that adrenaline pumpin', deep breaths, be easy on yourself <3 PM me

Last edited by DomoKay; May 3rd 2016 at 04:56 PM. Reason: added self care list
   
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Re: My Return to Normalcy - May 4th 2016, 01:13 AM

You guys make it sound easy. I know it can't happen overnight, but I have to find the motivation to even start to recover. I can't find any.

As you probably can infer from this post and my past ones, I suffer from what seems to be a variety of mental illnesses. The more time we spent together, the more I felt happy. I couldn't find any other motivation to go to sleep at night or get up in morning.

A lot of people know it's happened at this point, and only now do people start to care how I feel. I hate it. I mean, yes I can use it to finally vent to everyone about my real self but I hate the reason I'm getting such attention. It shows that they care because they feel bad. Not because they want to help.

I want to tell all my thoughts and worries here, but I'd rather not stay up all night breaking my fingers writing an essay to you guys. Plus, I have an AP Exam on Friday that I have to worry about and I'm 3 chapters and a whole Unit test behind. I don't have the time to.

But hey, I was talking with her today and she still wants to be friends and go to prom with me in a few weeks. That much I have to look forward to.

I never have said this directly: I'm hurting. I want out. I don't want to go to school. I want her back. I want to sit in bed all day and do nothing. I don't want any stress. I can't do this.

You may say that "I'm not alone" and that "I need to give other people chances" but I am just not ready to let go. I want to let go, but I'm not ready for that.

One of the bigger problems is, she has gotten to know my family pretty well now and my family really likes her, but I don't know how to tell them that they won't be seeing her as much anymore. I don't want to tell them that we broke up.

For my whole life, I've always tried to value independence. Doing things for myself when I know that they need to get done. But I've come to the realization that I just can't live by that anymore. I'm a naturally dependent person. I need someone there that will comfort, listen, hold, and talk to me.
   
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Re: My Return to Normalcy - May 4th 2016, 02:17 AM

I'm sorry if I made it sound easy, it can come across like that when users compress everything they want to say in one long passage. While I've never broken up in a dating relationship, I've lost many people who were close to me and I know it isn't easy. I do know it is worth enduring though.

You weren't the first person to breakup nor will you be the last, and that means that even if your situation is unique, it is part of a bigger picture. This means you can get through this, you WILL get through this. It just matters how you go about it.

Motivating yourself can be so hard. But you said people are starting to care now. Are you sure that these people are insincere? Do you find talking to them helpful? Sometimes surrounding yourself with people can help.
With motivation, it sort of comes when you don't try hard for it. I know that sounds counter-intuitivd but if you act like you already finished it, it will feel less of a burden enough to do the actual work.
As for recovery, take it reallly slow. Day by day, hour by hour even. Loss is really tough. I'm glad you still plan to be friends though, and go to prom together. That sounds exciting and something to look forward to.

You can tell them on your own time. Focus on yourself. Maybe write a list of things you need to do that day and number them in priority order. Include a "me time" in there because that's important too.

Feel free to post again here but no pressure if you don't feel up to it. Good luck on your exams and take care of yourself

No worries about not wanting to type things. Say whatever you feel comfortable saying. And good luck on your exam.
   
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Re: My Return to Normalcy - May 5th 2016, 04:06 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Through My Own Eyes View Post
I'm sorry if I made it sound easy, it can come across like that when users compress everything they want to say in one long passage. While I've never broken up in a dating relationship, I've lost many people who were close to me and I know it isn't easy. I do know it is worth enduring though.

You weren't the first person to breakup nor will you be the last, and that means that even if your situation is unique, it is part of a bigger picture. This means you can get through this, you WILL get through this. It just matters how you go about it.

Motivating yourself can be so hard. But you said people are starting to care now. Are you sure that these people are insincere? Do you find talking to them helpful? Sometimes surrounding yourself with people can help.
With motivation, it sort of comes when you don't try hard for it. I know that sounds counter-intuitivd but if you act like you already finished it, it will feel less of a burden enough to do the actual work.
As for recovery, take it reallly slow. Day by day, hour by hour even. Loss is really tough. I'm glad you still plan to be friends though, and go to prom together. That sounds exciting and something to look forward to.

You can tell them on your own time. Focus on yourself. Maybe write a list of things you need to do that day and number them in priority order. Include a "me time" in there because that's important too.

Feel free to post again here but no pressure if you don't feel up to it. Good luck on your exams and take care of yourself

No worries about not wanting to type things. Say whatever you feel comfortable saying. And good luck on your exam.
I know other people have gone through this kind of thing before.... i know I'm not the only one. To me, that's not really any sort of motivation to move on. I'm upset because, well, yes because of the whole breakup, but moreover that I don't have the things that I used to. I don't have the things that would make me happy. I understand that there are other things that I like and make me happy, its just that I'm afraid of creating another addiction. Doing so didn't work for me in the past and I'm sure as hell that it won't work now. Without this, I struggle to find even the least bit of happiness in anything.

I'm absolutely positive that these people only care because they now realize I'm upset. They don't know what I feel internally (mainly because I've been so fucking good at hiding it), so it only makes sense that they only care because of recent events. I talk to them, but not about anything related. I mean, it helps, but only in the slightest. No other relationships between me and other friends have changed. I talk to them like I'd talk to anyone else; leave the personal shit out and joke around a lot. They don't truly care. They care because they know what happened and they know that breakups can be hard. A few weeks from now, they'll act like nothing ever happened. But I can't do that.

I honestly feel kinda lucky that she still wants to go to prom and be friends. I don't know how to explain it. I just do.

After my AP Exam, I'll have more time to focus on other important issues. I can't wait for that. This test is mentally violating me and I haven't even taken it yet. lol

Back to friends, there's one kid that I've been friends with for more than a decade now (considering I'm 17, that's a long time). We are really good friends still today and we talk everyday and hangout on the weekends more often than not. I can tell that he knows somethings up and it's not just because of the breakup; he just doesn't want to say anything. I want to tell him everything and just break down in fucking tears in front of him and just let it all out, but I can't. I don't want him to look at me differently. I'm afraid that he, like the others, will run once I tell him the truth.

That's pretty much it for now. I'll update/reply if anything more happens.
   
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