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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
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Hello :) - May 5th 2016, 01:47 PM

Well... I do have a lot to rant about. I might be suffering from borderline personality disorder too, but that's not confirmed as of yet.

First, my parents were overprotective, which led to me having a pained childhood, and a lack of friends. I couldn't really socialize until I was nineteen or twenty , and I sort of led a sheltered life, like a bird wanting to be free. After that, things are getting better... and I was given my freedom. But one good friend of mine is now currently probably about to get into a relationship, which would lead to me losing the friend I hang out with week in week out, and I sort of am having trouble dealing with this loss, which also leads to me blaming my no-longer overprotective parents for the fact that they did prevent me from having friends last time.

I know that to make new friends, I need to stay positive and not look desperate, otherwise my situation would just drive people away before they get to know the real me. Just searching for some advice over here, and I hope that I'll be able to continue helping you guys out too.

So I'm pretty much searching on advice on how to remain positive , on how to make new friends... and on how to effectively deal with my past and throw the painful memories away to make room for new happy memories.. and on how to deal with feelings of loss.

Any input would be helpful.. thanks!


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

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As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Hello :) - May 7th 2016, 12:24 PM

Hey there


You've helped so many people on TH, it's okay to ask for help too. I'm glad you did.

What you mention sounds very much what I was going through a few months back. I thought I lost my friend because he was dating. Well it turns out we are still friends. I don't think you automatically lose someone close because they go into a relationship.people are usually not like that. Think of TH, making one friend doesn't make you forget the other friends. We even remember our ex-friends, ex-partners etc so I doubt they'd forget someone who were still on good terms.

He may not have a lot of time, or will be busy more. But you'll still have moments to hangout once that's adjusted.

I can see how you'd feel insecure though. I too had a sheltered life, been excluded and perhaps bullied and that contributes to my difficulty making friends. Sometimes I see making friends as a side effect rather than a goal. In other words, try new things, meet new people and be open to making friends but try not to make it the center of focus. Join things that interest you so that will be the focus and be open to making friends along the way. If it happens, it happens. But thinking about it can be counterproductive at times. I know that can be hard because loneliness sucks and you need a friend now but I do feel patience and letting go of expectations can help. Sometimes loneliness is a sign of lack of satisfying solitude. That's something I learned...in a weird kind of way. Just like how being bored could be a sign of too much unsatisfying work rather than literally nothing to do. That's how I see it and I hope my perspective helps a little.

I can write more later but I am running a little late to school right now, so apologies. But take care of yourself, okay? thank you for reaching out.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Hello :) - May 7th 2016, 07:44 PM

Your perspective does help! I'll definitely stay positive , and its better for me to join groups and societies where I can meet people who can be my bosom friends

Best to overcome the bad feelings, and move onward.. I'll take your advice , and it's better to just let things naturally happen. When I meet new people, I'll definitely remember your advice Thanks!


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: Hello :) - May 8th 2016, 06:20 AM

Hey Mate,
I know exactly how you feel. Overprotective parents, socially awkward, nerd, virgin is one way of defining me. Now I can't say I had a bad childhood, far from it, but I can offer advice in making friends.
First thing, in my opinion, is to trust people. If you can't trust them, they can't trust you and boom. It doesn't work.
Next, don't drop your life burdens onto them. This is frankly a common mistake, I've made it plenty of times, before I became someone with issues trusting. But yeah, don't dump everything on them.
Finally, I believe people come into your life when you need them. It is very likely you will meet friends soon.
Also, PM me if you wanna chat.I can try to be your friend if you like.
   
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Re: Hello :) - May 8th 2016, 06:32 AM

aguy Pm-ing you right now! I think that I'll just put myself out there in situations and not try to carry some baggage.

You'll definitely be able to overcome anything in your way too.. thanks for the advice!


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Hello :) - May 8th 2016, 04:17 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Yoshi View Post
Your perspective does help! I'll definitely stay positive , and its better for me to join groups and societies where I can meet people who can be my bosom friends

Best to overcome the bad feelings, and move onward.. I'll take your advice , and it's better to just let things naturally happen. When I meet new people, I'll definitely remember your advice Thanks!

Not a problem . I just wanted to clarify though, I'm not saying to like suppress your negative emotions. There's nothing wrong with feeling bad about something that's bothering you. I think there is a healthy range of negative emotions but then to know how to cope with them rather than blocking them out completely. It's something I still struggle with so I'm not saying it's easy to do. But there are safe ways to express negative emotions so you can let them go, not like pushing yourself to be positive if you're not ready to.
How have you been feeling today? Are things going alright?
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Hello :) - May 9th 2016, 12:48 AM

So far, things are going alright.. Still feeling a little down, but I'll get out there and make a difference for myself. To be honest, I also really need friends so I need to suppress the negative emotions anyway.

For me, perhaps I'll have a lil fun... perhaps some happiness can counteract my negative emotions.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: Hello :) - May 9th 2016, 02:39 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Yoshi View Post
So far, things are going alright.. Still feeling a little down, but I'll get out there and make a difference for myself. To be honest, I also really need friends so I need to suppress the negative emotions anyway.

For me, perhaps I'll have a lil fun... perhaps some happiness can counteract my negative emotions.
hey
Sorry to hear you're still feeling down. It's your choice of course so I won't push you into anything, but something I'm working on in my own recovery is finding a middle ground that isn't suppressing emotions and that isn't like outbursts and other long-term problems. The thing is, and this is both my personal experience as well as studies showing this, that suppressing emotions are harmful in the long run and can lead to outbursts. It's just the fact that suppressing or numbing out emotions or refusing to feel negative emotions fully does more harm than good. One cannot really select which emotions to feel. If negative emotions are numb, chances are, positive emotions will be numbed too. The key is to feel all emotions fully and deeply as they may come, but also expressing them and coping with them in a healthy way. So if you feel like crying, laughing, etc it's all okay to do. Even healthy to do. Otherwise it'll build up.

It seems like you're equating making friends with suppressing emotions. Can you say a little more about what makes you think that? What if you can find friends who accept you for who you are, even if you didn't hide your emotions?
I'm glad you're at least coming here to write things out.
wishing you the best
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Hello :) - May 9th 2016, 01:30 PM

You know that seems like a better idea! I'll definitely try everything that you suggested. I was also suppressing my emotions too much and that's an unhealthy idea.

I'll find friends that accept me as who I am Thanks! I won't hide my feelings anymore !


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Hello :) - May 11th 2016, 08:51 PM

So it turns out that this is actually affecting my appetite and my sleep pattern. I'm feeling very lonely, and I fear that it might even inhibit my habit to eat properly.

I hope I'll be able to find friends soon...I'm feeling a little sad as of now.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Hello :) - May 12th 2016, 02:21 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Yoshi View Post
So it turns out that this is actually affecting my appetite and my sleep pattern. I'm feeling very lonely, and I fear that it might even inhibit my habit to eat properly.

I hope I'll be able to find friends soon...I'm feeling a little sad as of now.
Sorry to hear things are not going well. May I ask what makes you think your friend left you? Like it was said in an earlier post, usually speaking, a good friend wouldn't leave you just because they're now dating. You may drift and that's something else but is it possible to contact said friend and see if you can hang out sometime? Maybe planning ahead of time would be helpful so your friend could balance things out.

Additionally, your self worth is not defined by others and so not having a friend right now is not a bad thing but an opportunity for growth. Maybe write down the feelings and thoughts that come to mind when you see yourself without friends? You are not alone and there are many people who can relate. It is more common than one might think to not have friends. It's going to be okay.

Do you have anyone in your life who can be of support to you during this tough time? Whether that's a parent, a relative, someone in your community etc, it can help to even just sit down and talk about something completely random. Even those moments can be meaningful. It's not always in the places we are looking for that meaning is found. It can be in the seemingly mundane daily life, that there are small moments to appreciate.

Keep writing, and hang in there,
   
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Re: Hello :) - May 12th 2016, 03:42 PM

Well I think she won't leave me because she's a good friend But it just feels as if there's less time for us to hang. Planning ahead might be a good idea.. Perhaps I'll be more accepting of the circumstances.

She is a very good friend A special friend, in fact. I do think that I need to be tougher. I know that I've went through a lot, but there's definitely times where I have to stay strong and do the right thing There's loads of people out there too.

The people I know have been very supportive over this and I'm very glad it's that way. I'll need to get out there to make the difference, because the person who needs to change things for the better is me myself.

Well... what I know is that I'll always have my friend's back.. she's a really, really nice really good friend and her happiness is my happiness , and I'll keep looking forward to better things in life. Thanks Susie!


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.

Last edited by Green Yoshi; May 12th 2016 at 03:58 PM.
   
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Re: Hello :) - May 14th 2016, 04:05 PM

Btw I was wondering, could someone close or delete this thread? I don't wanna create any misunderstandings (especially if ppl I know In real life see this thread )


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
  (#14 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Hello :) - May 14th 2016, 04:45 PM

Closed at users request


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

Helplink Mentor l Article writer l Forum mod l Community Mod
   
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