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Heathen Offline
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Jeez, get a life!
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Name: Jordan
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I feel numb - June 7th 2016, 11:08 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

For those of you who don't remember my last post I tried to commit suicide three weeks ago. I ended up going to the psychiatric hospital about a week after that and I was discharged late last week. In the hospital they took me off most of my meds, including my antidepressant, to try and see how I did without them. At first thing seemed okay. I had a lot of energy and I wanted to work on a bunch of projects. However, within a couple of days I had lost any motivation I had to do any of that. In fact, I lost all motivation to do anything. I've barely left the house. Going anywhere or doing anything by myself takes a great deal of effort and I can barely seem to muster the energy required to do so. I managed to leave the house today for a couple of hours but when I got home again I felt drained. I don't know how I'm going to manage things like appointments and work later this week.

The thing is, I don't feel depressed, at least not like I did before. I don't want to kill myself. I just feel numb. I don't really feel anything. I don't want to die, but I seem to have lost my will to live. I simply feel like I am existing, nothing more. Doing anything more than that seems to take too much energy. I just want to stay home; I don't want to go out and see anyone or do anything. It's bad because I know isolation makes things worse but I can't seem to pull myself out of it. All I want to do is shut myself away. I don't want to see anyone other than my family. They keep encouraging me to go out but I'm having trouble pushing myself to do so. I just feel so dead inside.

I know this numbness is just another way depression is manifesting itself. How do I find motivation to do things again? How do I find the will to live? I need to be able to function and I'm really having trouble doing so. I'm beginning to believe I will never get past being depressed and it's really weighing down on me.

The moon asked the crow
For a little show
In the hazy milk of twilight
No one had to know
The moon asked the crow...
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IH8U2 Offline
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Re: I feel numb - June 8th 2016, 12:11 AM

I feel the same. I wish I knew how to help, but I just want you to know you're not alone if that's worth anything. I'm so sorry you are going through this Jordan.
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TheAtomicBlade Offline
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Re: I feel numb - June 8th 2016, 01:59 AM

Hey Jordan,
I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Feeling unmotivated, to me at any rate, seems expected. You've been through a lot, and maybe your mind and body needs some time to rest and recoup. Also, if it helps, you can talk to your girlfriend, and tell her how you are feeling. Often, talking helps reduce feelings like the ones you are having.
Also, I find listening to motivational music helps me. Maybe it could help you? I can send you a list of songs if you like.
Please, feel free to message me if you ever want to talk.
Hope I helped
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