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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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HellaGay Offline
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Exclamation "My legs are dangling off the edge" - July 5th 2016, 07:49 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm THIS close to ending it. I can't take this any more.
I'm so depressed and I've hit the lowest point in my life. I've already attempted 4 times to take my life. And after them all, things usually picked up a bit. But now I'm REALLY low. I wish I didn't want to do this. I wish this wasn't an option. I wish there was an easier way to deal with this. I can't cope with this crippling loneliness, and I can't cope with feeling like complete SHIT all the time. I am useless to my friends and I've become so dustanced from them because they can never hang with me, and it upsets me so much because my friends are my life. And if I don't have my friends, what DO I have?
I'm THIS close; the only thing stopping me is that if I killed myself, police and such could look at the messages on my phone.
THAT is how desperate I am; the only thing I'm clinging on to is something like that.
I should want to live... I shouldn't have to feel this...
Yet here I am.
Maybe not for long, though. Who knows.
   
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Chuuya Offline
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Re: "My legs are dangling off the edge" - July 5th 2016, 10:28 PM

I'm sorry that you've been struggling this long with little to no relief. Depression is awful and it sucks the life out of everything, including yourself. I don't think you really want to die though. I think you just want the pain the stop. and as cliche as it sounds...You don't have to die for the pain to stop.

I know it is so hard. I feel like that all the time as well and I want to give up. I want to throw it away. I feel like it's too hard and it's just never going to work out for me, but things do look up. Like you said - and those times when they get better, they make it worth it because without the crappy times, as crappy as they are, they make those good times all the more better.

Can I ask if anything particular triggered you to feel like this? You mentioned your friends and I'm guessing it's been going for a while, I know I feel really isolated from my friends currently being home for the summer. Even when I was with them it was so easy for me to feel lonely, like I was annoying, or like we never had time to hang out with each other. I think you need to talk to them about how you've been feeling and tell them how much their friendship means to you, and try to work on finding a specific time maybe once a week to hang out and do something. Even if it's just as small at skyping or face timing. You said your friends are your life and I'm sure you are the same for them. They would hate to lose you. And I'm sure they would want to know that you're suffering and would want to help you in whatever way that they possibly can.

I also want to answer that question of what do you have. You have a future. You have all this time to build an amazing life for yourself. An immense amount of time to create a life that isn't just filled with pain. Don't give up on that chance, because it is still there, even if it seems very dim. You have the power to get through this.

I hope this helps even a little bit, and if you ever want to talk my inbox is always open. Take care!


"You'll have to decide for yourself. Walk on your own. Move forward. You've got a strong pair of legs, Rose. You should get up and use them."
   
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