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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Noire Offline
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Feeling hopeless and helpless - July 6th 2016, 08:11 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I've been depressed for many months now. In the past couple of months it's gotten really bad. I don't really leave my bed, let alone my house, unless I have to. I don't see anyone other than my family. I'm easily and extremely fatigued. I don't experience joy. I've lost all interest in things that make me happy. I have many self-harm and suicidal urges but I'm too tired to act on them. I've pretty much resigned myself to living a miserable existence at this point.

Yesterday I found out good news, though: I'm a candidate for ECT treatments. This made me as close to happy as I am capable of getting right now. Unfortunately, feeling that much "happiness" was overwhelming and I crashed hard last night. That crash has carried over into today. Now that I'm so close to getting the help I need (hopefully I can start my first session next week) I ironically feel more helpless and hopeless than ever. That's a whole week away. A whole week of nothing. I'm too tired to go out and do things and too tired to really do a good job of distracting myself. I try and sleep but I can only sleep so much.

I hate this. I'm panicking. I don't know what to do. The urges to commit suicide are stronger. I just want to take all my pills and kill myself. I know I shouldn't try because then I'll end up inpatient and instead of doing the treatments outpatient like I want to they'll keep me there for weeks while they do the treatments and I don't want that. It's just so hard. I feel so lost. The days stretch on and on into this grey nothingness and it makes me want to scream.

I could use some guidance or some messages of hope to get me through the next few days. I just really need to make it through until I can get some help. Any kind words or advice is appreciated. Thank you.


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Feeling hopeless and helpless - July 7th 2016, 11:29 AM

I'm really sorry to hear that you feel this way. I don't usually post in the depression forum, because half the time, I feel depressed, so I don't really know what to say.

It's really good to hear that you are a candidate for ECT, and can hopefully start the treatment soon. Time can be difficult to deal with when we are depressed, as I know a week can feel like forever. But every second that goes by, is a second closer to getting the treatment. You are closer to getting the treatment today, than you were last night. Just keep holding on, and you'll get there.

You're an amazing person, and a great staffie! You deserve all the help and support in the world. Really hope that things pick up for you


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Re: Feeling hopeless and helpless - July 7th 2016, 02:20 PM

Hi Jordan,
I am sorry to hear what you're going through. It must be horrible. You're an amazing person, and really, things will get better. I know it doesn't seem like it, but it will get better. Trust me.
Its great you are a candidate for ECT. I sincerely hope it helps you.

If it helps, this puppy, (and me) think you're awesome!
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Feeling hopeless and helpless - July 8th 2016, 04:04 AM

Thank you both for your replies. I'm freaking out because I can't get ahold of the doctor's office to make a follow-up appointment next week. I feel more hopeless than ever but I'm trying to hang on and remember that each day that goes by is a day closer to getting treatment. It's just so hard, you know, when you are too tired and depressed to do anything and all you can do is lie in bed. Time seems like an eternity. I'm trying to sleep more to pass the time by but there's only so much you can sleep.

I'm so anxious. I just wish things would fall into place more quickly. I can't stand feeling this way anymore.


Love joins
Love unites
Love breaks us apart
The power to conquer here in our hearts
Enduring and sacred
Eternal as time
For love, love alone will conquer all


"A Million," by VNV Nation
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Re: Feeling hopeless and helpless - July 8th 2016, 11:59 AM

I've been a candidate for ECT too, because I was too depressed and the pills did not work at all,, I understand what you are going trough very well, I know what I'm about to say will make no sense to you but you have to keep going, just say in yourself "one more day" every time you wake up. Go cycling, listen to music, go to a pub with someone you know. Buy a game that can help you get your mind of things, I'm suicidal as well, and I can't deal with the feelings either, but I do what I have just adviced to you. I hope it helps, and I feel sorry and I am sorry for what you are going trough, I wish I could help you better. I also have planned to take an overdosis of pills (zyprexa pills). I understand that no one seems to care about you and you are right, not many people must care about you otherwise you won't be in such pain right? I don't think ECT would help me at all, tell me... have you once been forced into an intake?
   
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Re: Feeling hopeless and helpless - July 8th 2016, 06:37 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kyleheretolisten View Post
I've been a candidate for ECT too, because I was too depressed and the pills did not work at all,, I understand what you are going trough very well, I know what I'm about to say will make no sense to you but you have to keep going, just say in yourself "one more day" every time you wake up. Go cycling, listen to music, go to a pub with someone you know. Buy a game that can help you get your mind of things, I'm suicidal as well, and I can't deal with the feelings either, but I do what I have just adviced to you. I hope it helps, and I feel sorry and I am sorry for what you are going trough, I wish I could help you better. I also have planned to take an overdosis of pills (zyprexa pills). I understand that no one seems to care about you and you are right, not many people must care about you otherwise you won't be in such pain right? I don't think ECT would help me at all, tell me... have you once been forced into an intake?
Thank you for your advice. I do try to do one small nice thing for myself each day, but the level of exhaustion I feel makes it hard to do things like go out. I have no desire to socialize with other people but I do what I can to try and take my mind off my issues, mainly by watching Netflix, although I have poor concentration these days and am usually no able to watch a show or listen to music all the way through. When things get really bad and I think I might hurt myself or try to commit suicide I try and leave the house and that usually seems to help. The past day I've told myself "one day at a time." It's been getting me through, so thank you.

I never said that no one seems to care about me, though. Quite the contrary, many people care about me. I'm very blessed in that regard. I wanted to say that because you can be in pain regardless of how many people care about you. You can have all the love in the world and still be depressed. It's an illness and it affects people of all walks of life.

ECT has a very high success rate and I'm looking forward to doing the treatments. I hope that it will help, even though I am skeptical. It feels like this depression will never end but based on everything I've heard from both the doctors and people I know who've done it it's been very helpful. I hope it helps you, too. I don't know what you mean by "intake" but I've had a lot of inpatient hospitalizations, including against my will. Those were some darker days but I'm glad I went through them. I was able to get the help I needed at the time.


Love joins
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Love breaks us apart
The power to conquer here in our hearts
Enduring and sacred
Eternal as time
For love, love alone will conquer all


"A Million," by VNV Nation
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Re: Feeling hopeless and helpless - July 8th 2016, 08:34 PM

im so sorry Jordan to hear that. i understand the missory. just try to stay busy even if its just sleep until u go for treatment. then things should get.better from there. it would really encourage me to see u hold on bc i struggle with that too. so im depending on ur survival okay?

im always here to talk to. u have really difficult times so nows my chance to help u. plesde stay strong bc i know u have the strength.
   
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Re: Feeling hopeless and helpless - July 8th 2016, 09:47 PM

Thanks Cheyenne. Your support means a lot to me. I'm doing my best to try and stay alive but it's hard. I've focused on planning on doing something nice for myself every day up until I can see the ECT doctor again and get this sorted. Hopefully having positive events in my life will help me feel like it's worth living.

It's always a pleasure when we chat. Thanks for caring about me.


Love joins
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Love breaks us apart
The power to conquer here in our hearts
Enduring and sacred
Eternal as time
For love, love alone will conquer all


"A Million," by VNV Nation
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Re: Feeling hopeless and helpless - July 8th 2016, 10:21 PM

no problem Jordan. its always good to talk to u too!
   
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