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Exclamation I'm a terrible person. - August 9th 2016, 05:21 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I can't keep a friend, I always lose them because I push them away and I can't help it. I have a lot of anger and jealousy issues that I can't seem to control as hard as I try. I wish I could change, I end up getting so upset and hurting myself in anyway I can. I wish that I was better understood and that I don't try. I don't feel like I can help it. I become very threatening and demanding, I don't like it. I love my friends. But I can't seem to keep any of them. I try so hard and I ruin everybody's life I come into.


   
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Re: I'm a terrible person. - August 9th 2016, 08:52 PM

Well now that you've recognized what factors cause your misfortunes, you must make the effort to eliminate them. You will not be capable of overcoming this if you persist in thoughts of "I don't feel like a can help it", or "I wish", because it will require dedication, focus, and work. Firstly, you stated that you become angry, demanding, jealous, and threatening. I don't believe people are inherently bitter; there are typically negative factors in their life that cause them to behave negatively. You must examine your living conditions, the people you associate with, the emotions you allow to stick, the thoughts you have, and your mood, and find which part of these contribute to these negative feelings. When you find anything that does damage to your emotional state, try to distance yourself from it. I had to do it when my dad would frequently return from work very angry (slightly intoxicated at times). I simply had to no longer communicate with him or be in his presence for weeks, but I found myself less stressful and irritated. Once you do this, you have to somewhat "reverse engineer" your emotional state by training yourself to abandon these negative emotions. Simply doing nothing while miserable will prolong the pain, so what I find the best is to be more active in the things you enjoy. Whether it be hobbies, areas of study, entertainment, just expose yourself more to it and definitely try new things. Lastly, this may sound dumb, but if you have trouble conducting yourself around people/friends, then do your best to surround yourself with more people. You will train your social skills to be more accommodating to others as you try to make them your friend.
I hope I was of some help. Just know that negativity begets negativity, so the more you wallow in these useless thoughts of self loathing, instead use that energy to better yourself.
   
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Re: I'm a terrible person. - August 9th 2016, 09:02 PM

Hey there Merideth,

I'm sorry to hear that you feel like you aren't enough and you even think of yourself as a terrible person. Even though I don't know you well, I can assure you that's not true because your anger and jealousy issues don't define who you are and what you're worth (which is a lot). Both of these feelings aren't easy to deal with, but it's possible and recognizing the fact that they are strong enough to be a problem is already the first step towards getting better.

Anger and jealousy are unnecessary and don't serve a purpose when they're that intense, so it's important to remind yourself that you don't need them in your life and it's okay to let go. Imagine those emotions leaving your body as you breathe, focus on the moment and what you're feeling physically. This might keep you from saying or doing something you would regret to someone you care about in a particularly intense situation. Looking back on it later on you can be proud of yourself for being the one in control. The first couple of times it will be difficult, but I'm sure that you will get there eventually and benefit from it in the long run


Hakuna matata - it means no worries for the rest of your days.
   
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Re: I'm a terrible person. - August 9th 2016, 09:04 PM

I can completely understand where you're coming from, pushing away the ones you love and becoming irritable, I think that you are letting your demons create these thoughts in your head resulting in this and you need to think about your friends who you obviously love and they would be there if you told them why you're pushing them away so my advice is to tell them why you are pushing away so they can understand too and maybe they wont let you push them away and will understand when you're irritable! You'd be surprised how much that will help you and will help you trust yourself and others more!



   
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Re: I'm a terrible person. - August 9th 2016, 09:48 PM

I have, and he kept saying how i need to change my attitude and that I need to think more about other people, but he just kept on saying it over and over again and when I tried to explain something to him it was like I was talking to a wall, and whenever I asked him go please listen he'd just do the same thing.


   
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Re: I'm a terrible person. - August 9th 2016, 09:50 PM

I'm so sorry to say this but he doesn't seem like a great friend, your friends should support you through the hard times even when your attitude may not be the greatest!



   
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Re: I'm a terrible person. - August 10th 2016, 04:46 AM

Merideth don't worry. Just fuckin listen.

I had the same problem as you did. I now see. I figured how to relate to my friends. Good luck with your Eureka moment.
   
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