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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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jamdoughnut Offline
my other ride's a rainicorn
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No holding back - August 10th 2016, 08:20 PM

I have nothing to hold me back now. I'm still at the same awful school, I'm still just as alone as always, I have no motivation-not even for music, the one thing I'm passionate about-and I've been completely screwed over by everyone I trusted. Again. I'm done, I can't do it.
I keep picturing myself falling from the high railing at the school. Everytime I see it...I want to cry. I want to jump. I don't want to die, just hurt myself. I havn't self harmed in months, even though I desperately needed to, so it's built up so much and I can't hold back much longer. I'm going to do something bad if something doesn't change soon, and I honestly wouldn't care if it didn't hurt my family, and my only friends.
Help.


I know you are looking for a sea that lies beyond your reach
But im hoping my heart can stop you before you reach the beach
I know you have places to go
I know that you want the sea
But im hoping my heart will grow and that you'll
come back to me.....
   
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SirJordan Offline
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Re: No holding back - August 10th 2016, 08:54 PM

Have you spoken to your doctor about how your feeling?


"Carefree, wherever we may be. We are the famous CFC" - Chelsea Football Club
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Fallingforyou Offline
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Re: No holding back - August 10th 2016, 09:24 PM

Hey there,

I'm sorry to your situation has gotten worse instead of improving like it should have. I can imagine that in this case being let down felt even more terrible than it would have anyway and I understand why you are disappointed in those people. It's sad that you can't rely on music as a source of happiness anymore, though losing interest in things you used to enjoy is a common symptom for depression.

You are more likely to have suicidal thoughts if you are bottling it all up and that's why it would already help a lot to talk to someone about how you are feeling. If you are in therapy (which I strongly recommend if you aren't yet) your first choice would be your therapist because they will take action in the right way, but it's really just important that you trust that person and they can offer a shoulder to cry on, but helpful advice as well.

Feel free to PM me any time if you want to talk, I have gone through similar stuff and I know how hard it is


Hakuna matata - it means no worries for the rest of your days.
   
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jamdoughnut Offline
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Re: No holding back - August 11th 2016, 01:05 AM

No, I havn't spoken to my doctor about it yet. Kind of dreading that.
And no, I can't talk to people. It's not that I don't have anyone to talk to, its just that it's impossible to tell someone everything. It's very hard to get anything out, impossible to get the minimum that I need, and i can't imagine going through everything. I've tried, so many times, but I end up breaking down and choking on the words. I don't have any other choice but to bottle it up. I don't really know anything else, and when I try to get better someone screwes me over. I was forced to stop cutting cold turkey, so I wouldn't hurt my mom, but it's only making things so much worse and I can't tell her.
I don't want to wake up in the morning. I'm finding my self wishing I had cancer, or that I would go into a coma just to get away. There's not really any other escape.
I really can't do this. I can't go to school tomorrow, I can't make it through this year, I can't keep living this way. I can't do it but there's no escape from it. I want out of here, please someone get me out of here. Please, anyone, I'm desperate.


I know you are looking for a sea that lies beyond your reach
But im hoping my heart can stop you before you reach the beach
I know you have places to go
I know that you want the sea
But im hoping my heart will grow and that you'll
come back to me.....
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
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Re: No holding back - August 14th 2016, 11:57 AM

Hello Jamari I think that how you're feeling was exactly how I was feeling like a week ago or so, and it was a horrible experience.

If some people you've trusted ended up hurting you, then perhaps you deserve better than them.. and you shouldn't think bout the times when you were screwed over.. rather, think bout making a new beginning for yourself, where you forget whatever happened in the past and create a new , happy period of time where you'll get to enjoy life and not think too much about the bad times. I too have went through something like that, and I don't know how on earth am I still alive right now, but the fact is that I am. You deserve a lucky break, and you need to give yourself one.

You can do this.. I believe in you.

You got my support. always.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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